Am I still re-creating abandonment?

[schrödinger's cat]

Totally makes sense. I have those messages too. It's like someone put a self-executing file on my hard drive - it always happens automatically, so what I can do is merely this, stop it once I notice it happening. Which isn't easy. But there's hope that by constantly stopping it thousands of times, the repetition will create new neural pathways and then bye-bye, harmful ingrained messages from my past.

Ana, did you ever happen to come across the book Controlling People by Patricia Evans? She helps explain why abusers do what they do, how they tick, and what the situation looks like for them. Sometimes, that isn't an important thing to know and we should focus on ourselves. Other times, we need to figure this out so we can see things clearly and/or get closure. And in case you're at that point, that book might help. Rain recommended it to me.

Sorry for swearing again, but - no, not sorry, it's simply the truth, your brother sounds like a constantly erupting cesspool of vicious abuse. The thought of you stuck in that family and unable to get out makes me feel sick. I don't know much of you, but what I've seen of you was calm and friendly, always ready to help, easy to get along with, and the things you say are sensible and reasonable. Your brother is mad. Glad to hear you're safely away from him, at least as much as you can be for the moment.