Neuromuscular spasms and fear when trying to connect with the present moment

[BlancaLap]

I used to look right to what it is in front of me and somehow manage to connect with myself and with the present moment. I used this to "see" the present, to feel my feelings, to know what to do... but now things had changed, and when I try to connect I have this terrible spasms and this fear... like it is not safe to connect with the present, like I'm in danger in the present, and I know why. The truth is, I don't know if I'm still in danger... my mind tells me I am, because of my past, because what happened in my past is still linked to the present, because even if the people that abused me are not here, I'm still in the same kind of place... with the same kind of people...