foggy mind

[Blueberry]

I wonder about Alzheimer's too, its pretty similar I think.

In my case, it certainly isn't Alzheimer's. My psychiatrist said it couldn't be. The symptoms certainly start out differently. I would be having more and different problems if it were Alz. The symptoms also go up and down a bit. From decade to decade I mean. That's not Alzheimer's either.

[hereforhope]

I think I've had depersonalisation since childhood with all the typical symptoms that come with it.

These are the symptoms I've experienced on and off: brain fog, absolutely zero or very weak short term memory, sudden racing thoughts, feeling "unable to think", like my mind is completely blank no matter how much I force it (I've been close to bumping into cars when driving when this has happened). Also blurry vision, tunnel vision, "snow flakes" over vision, experiencing the world as flat. Also dizziness, coordination problems, problems speaking in coherent sentences, thoughts and words spinning around in loops, feeling trapped in my head and disconnected from my body, and feeling like I'm watching the world and everything that happens through a thick and blurry pane of glass.

I realised something had become very wrong with my cognition in my late teens, when I began to struggle in school. Before that I found learning fairly easy though I still had the symptoms. Alcohol and bad living habits makes it far more severe, and stress of course, which is what causes it in the first place I've learned. Whenever I've managed to do well with sticking to healthy habits I've felt the fog clear somewhat. I really hope this is treatable...

It's also one of my mother's favorite things to attack me with. Once when I worried she said she "used to cry all the time" when I was a child because of how bad my memory was, as if I was severely disabled. I've been terrified that that's true. She works with children after all. But I try to tell myself it's depersonalisation, I've had it since childhood, so if she really did cry because of whatever problems I had, it was because of this, and it is treatable.

I'm sure my father was furious he had a hold with these problems. He thought people with whatever challenges that made them "weak" deserved to die - like a nazi.

Well, if he were alive I'd gladly follow that idea, in one special case.

[BlancaLap]

I think I've had depersonalisation since childhood with all the typical symptoms that come with it.

Me too

These are the symptoms I've experienced on and off: brain fog, absolutely zero or very weak short term memory, sudden racing thoughts, feeling "unable to think", like my mind is completely blank no matter how much I force it (I've been close to bumping into cars when driving when this has happened). Also blurry vision, tunnel vision, "snow flakes" over vision, experiencing the world as flat. Also dizziness, coordination problems, problems speaking in coherent sentences, thoughts and words spinning around in loops, feeling trapped in my head and disconnected from my body, and feeling like I'm watching the world and everything that happens through a thick and blurry pane of glass.

I have most of that too.

I'm sure my father was furious he had a hold with these problems. He thought people with whatever challenges that made them "weak" deserved to die - like a nazi.

Your father sounds like a very traumatic person

[ah]

hereforhope, your father sounds like my father's lost twin. 
No wonder you have depersonalisation growing up in such an environment.

As for psychiatrists, this is just my personal experience, it's undeniably been negative... so it's not objective in the slightest:

I guess they do their best with what they have, and they strongly believe in their discipline. I respect that. But it's not even funny that the meds they themselves give can cause side effects that can mimic psychiatric symptoms, so you get more and more treatment how do you get out of such cyclical logic? I don't know.

Many years ago, I remember a psychiatrist treated me abusively and when I tried to respond he said I had uncontrollable anger problems and wanted to treat my "new symptom". Beh... not even funny, that. I was just angry, not every emotion or conflict is a mental problem. I learned to be super cautious around psychiatrists since then. The very few times I met any in the years that passed I was always nice and polite, and impersonal. They deeply believe in their discipline so I respect their good intentions, but I don't share their beliefs. I feel the science behind it is a bit shaky, not strong enough yet for me to be convinced beyond the need for belief. Everything I've been reading about trauma and cptsd leaves me thinking psychiatry has a lot more to learn. Personally for me, psychology has much more to offer.

I have no doubt that if meds helped me feel stronger I'd feel very differently, I'd be grateful I could take them. But that's the thing, maybe. The way it feels to me, cptsd isn't psychiatric, it's physiological. Whenever I manage to calm down my body, I notice all of my cptsd symptoms become significantly weaker. I have to keep doing it repeatedly because abuse has left me very stressed and scared, but psychiatry can't help me with my fear. Knowledge about trauma, and psychology help me a lot personally, and so does mindfulness meditation.