Extreme Empathy

[Will19]

Will Graham from the TV show Hannibal, I identify with him and no Will is my middle name, not named my account after him, although it would be apt.

In the show the character Will Graham is quoted as having an "Empathy Disorder" where he can empathise with anyone which makes him a gifted profiler, which by Will's own admission is due to being on the autism spectrum. Yet rewatching it I notice he has a lot of CPTSD or BPD traits, difficult to tell if they were pre-existent and therefore relate to his "Empathy Disorder" or the product of his contact with Hannibal and manipulation/trauma.

When I was 17/18 I had a psychologist note I had "Extreme Empathy, and was obsessively introspective" and I am diagnosed with High Functioning Autism spectrum disorder sub-type, to be honest I lack any real sense of self, and I am quite alexithymic, so I can't really describe to you what that means, I can only experience it.

I can say reading The Body Keeps the Score is not fun, even abuse and trauma I have not experienced. I am 19yo male and I get shunted into feeling like a scared little girl or boy or a mother in a car accident or a war veteran losing his friends. I see it with such clarity, like my own flashbacks, my own memories and bodily sensations.

My friends, who I have recently found know how uncanny I can be but, it's admittedly amusing compared to my otherwise awkward demeanor and tight but distant body language. I wanted to be a clinical psychologist because people often say how helpful I am, I do a lot of volunteering and stuff, study Psychology obviously. I just don't think my personality would suit it.

I am both very capable and stoic, yet also not. I guess that is a CPTSD thing, Stressful situations I thrive in.

I much prefer to be on my feet, almost like the character above. It would bring me a sense of catharsis, but I could only do that through forensic psychology which my university is specifically good at as my country isn't the US, or I join the police directly (Yes Asperger's is not a problem at all for joining). Yet spend my time until then figuring out my own trauma and abuse, my secondary trauma too that haunts me more. So that I can help people, like I always do.

I just can't tell if it's aspergers or CPTSD or both. The boundaries, that I intellectually draw on the ground seem to disappear in my skull.

[cosmo79]

Hi there,  just wanted to check in and say I'm a lot like this, too. I can't read certain books or watch certain films, and remember/imagine horrific things I've read about very vividly. Thanks for the post. 

[Echo]

Wow I relate to your post. I'm not diagnosed ASD but I am diagnosed severe ADD which might have something to do with it. I also have extreme empathy and I wonder if it's related to experiencing emotional abuse somehow/plus a difference in the way the brain works? Anyway thank you for sharing.