The thing is, the only thing that made me get out of dissociation was being able to give good vibes to people, creating trust, not the type of trust that is build through years and years of being together, but the feeling that you get when you meet someone that s/he is trustworthy. So... at that time I didn't know it yet but I eventually found out that... because of my "dissociation" let's say, I didn't quite act like a human being or "normal" human being (let's say I didn't act like the rest of the people)... so... I was really ashamed and scared because the last thing I wanted was for people to see me act like that... because I have been there, I know what's the feeling you get when you see someone "act" like that and I didn't want to inspire that feeling, so I decided that I will only get out of my house whenever I was able to "connect" let's say and be able to act "like a human being" because of that. But, my parents (and I think everyone else) didn't understand that and they forced me to get out of my house and be with people when I couldn't connect and act normal... and eventually I couldn't even connect anymore. I have been living like that since then, and the only thing I want is to "connect" again, so I can act like every other human being, so I can inspire trust, so I can have a place where I can feel secure, so I can start healing...