Piper Narcissistic Abuse Score

[Blueberry]

I got 79, with one yellow (Abuse awareness). Self care 11, Abuse awareness 8, Detachment 13, Support network 10, Blame/accountability 11, Anger awareness 12, Realistic view of family 14. After many years of therapy and work on self. But I do know that I have made a lot of progress  and I will keep going.

Strangley enough, part of me is having a laugh. Maybe the if-you-can't-be-good-at-being-good-then-best-be-bad? We used to compare marks at school when I was about 12. The person who 'won' was the person with the lowest mark. Years later a few of us talked about the time and it turned out - surprise surprise - we'd all been really, really unhappy. But that was a time and a society in which you didn't talk about having problems.

I'm not actually even sure that my mother has NPD. She's certainly got some of the traits, but others no, totally not. I'm sure she's got uC-PTSD though. That doesn't excuse her by any means. She could work on her own problems and she certainly ought to have tried in my childhood.

Does anybody know why there is such an emphasis on narcisstic mothers? As opposed to fathers? I don't think my father is narcisstic, but why the emphasis on the 'evil' mother? In my FOO's current view, I'm at fault for more or less everything, and if anybody else is at fault then my mother. So that's the two females in the family. The three males are all innocent as the day they were born, struggling with two difficult women. So not true of course, but that's the way they see it, not knowing about family dynamics, enablers etc.

[Wife#2]

Just retook this and there is some improvement. Part of that improvement has come through attempting to forgive. I know forgiveness isn't possible for many here, and even when it is, people aren't always ready to forgive.

Mom is still alive and still a limited part of my life. Dad is still alive and still a limited part of my life. Still, through using the journals on this website and talking with al of the people here via different posts, I have come to forgive many of the incidents. Not all, I'm a work in progress just like everyone else here.

So, when I took the test again, I dropped from 78 to 69. Only one area got higher, and that concerns me a lot - the 'Realistic View' category. The rest are the same or better than before. So, overall, I'll take that as improvement.

This is a helpful tool, regardless if the figures get better or worse. Either way, it's a good indicator of where we are on any given day. Thanks, again for posting this link!

[joyful]

I got  86.
15 on self care, 12 on abuse awareness, 14 on detachment, 6 on support network, 13 on blame vs. accountability, 13 on anger awareness, 13 on realistic view of family.
So pretty much, thanks a lot dad for messing me up so bad!
and there goes the victim mentality...I just have a lot to work on. But, I'm lucky to have a few good trusting friendships.
At least now I know what to work on...

[12Nice]

Thanks for the link info !
95 here
its a new day to start fresh in my recovery!
I am understanding this is a slow process and thankfully I am ready for this journey and taking necessary steps to be safe from more family stuff cutting contact to a minimum.  It took me long enough baby steps for me   
Thank you everyone
12 Nice

[Fictionalizer]

I answered based on my past not present situation and got 80, red across all of the categories. I know I'm doing better now.

[clarity]

Gosh...scored 73, 6 out of 7 red.... support network was yellow due to amazing hubby, v few close friends and OOTS!  Feel v grateful for that.

Test helped to validate and face the true impact of FOO a little more.

[Candid]

I'm not actually even sure that my mother has NPD. She's certainly got some of the traits, but others no, totally not.

I've felt that way as well. Are we working from this list? http://parrishmiller.com/narcissists.html My M meets most but not all the criteria.

I had a wry smile at the second par of point 11. I know I got presents for birthday and Christmas, but the only one I can remember now was a mug with the words BE HAPPY printed on it. I got home from school and there it was on my desk. Naturally I was a deeply unhappy teenager, didn't know why, and assumed it was my fault. But there was a 'gift', no wrapping, no comment, something she'd seen and picked up while at the supermarket: Here you go. I want you to be happy. Nay, I demand it. Because I'm a good mother and I always do the right thing.

Does anybody know why there is such an emphasis on narcisstic mothers? As opposed to fathers? I don't think my father is narcisstic, but why the emphasis on the 'evil' mother?

In traditional families mother has total control over the infant until s/he starts school. Those are vital formative years, and usually there's no witness to what she's doing or not doing while father's at work and older siblings are in school. It's the 24/7 world's hardest job. When father gets home, she'll give him a report. The good-enough mother tells of milestone accomplishments and things she and the infant enjoyed doing together, taking pride and delight in her child. A resentful, dissatisfied or narcissistic mother will say things like "She wore me out today" or "I had to give her a wallop because..." And what would father know? Most of the time he isn't there. Point 3 on the list drives this home; mother defines her children. First daughter was a little angel today. Second daughter ... and fill in the blank.

In my FOO's current view, I'm at fault for more or less everything...

That makes you the scapegoat, Blueberry.

... and if anybody else is at fault then my mother.

That's a secondary scapegoat. In my FOO, that role was taken by my dad. My sisters and I all thought he was the problem until the lightbulb went on for me. It can be hard to see things clearly when the Puppeteer is deliberately playing family members off against each other. Mine was very big on point 23:

The narcissist also uses favoritism and gossip to poison her children's relationships. The scapegoat sees the mother as a creature of caprice and cruelty. As is typical of the privileged, the other children don't see her unfairness and they excuse her abuses. Indeed, they are often recruited by the narcissist to adopt her contemptuous and entitled attitude towards the scapegoat and with her tacit or explicit permission, will inflict further abuse.

As to the Piper score, I got one yellow and the rest were red. However, the questions are phrased in present tense and, like others here, I cast my mind back and answered as if I hadn't been NC more than 25 years.

[Fictionalizer]

I also answered based on my present situation. I scored 45; self care and blame vs accountability in green; abuse awareness, detachment, and anger awareness yellow; support network and realistic view of family red.

[writetolife]

Good gravy.  Taking that quiz was discouraging...

[Hope66]

I have just seen this, and I filled it in, and I scored 71, with all red areas.

I wonder if my score will change after more time - I hope it will reduce as I 'get better' - I am hopeful that I am changing in the right direction.

Hope 

[Lingurine]

I scored 27 points, all yellow, maybe that has to do with the fact that I am NC with my FOO for so long. I scored one red, selfcare, I do know that still is a problem for me, but overall,
Yay 

Lingurine

[Rainydaze]

I scored 27 points, all yellow, maybe that has to do with the fact that I am NC with my FOO for so long. I scored one red, selfcare, I do know that still is a problem for me, but overall,
Yay 

Lingurine

That's amazing.  I scored 93 but have only been no contact a few months, you've given me hope. 

[Candid]

There's plenty of hope, blues_cruise!  IME the biggest step forward is when we stop them joining the Inner Critic in a demolition job.

[Blueberry]

I got 79, with one yellow (Abuse awareness). Self care 11, Abuse awareness 8, Detachment 13, Support network 10, Blame/accountability 11, Anger awareness 12, Realistic view of family 14. After many years of therapy and work on self. But I do know that I have made a lot of progress  and I will keep going.

I just retook this and scored 80. However Abuse Awareness is down from 8 to 6. Everything else fire-engine red though. Detachment down too.

Self Care    12 out of 15 Points
Abuse Awareness    6 out of 15 Points
Detachment    11 out of 15 Points
Support Network    12 out of 15 Points
Blame vs. Accountability    11 out of 15 Points
Anger Awareness    13 out of 15 Points
Realistic View of Family    15 out of 15 Points

[ah]

Thanks, that was really interesting. Got 101, but I didn't expect any lower... realistically...

I wish there was a question added there that would have said something like "I have some doubt about my self blame, I sometimes wonder if I'm less to blame than I feel I am." Because the feeling is 100% convincing and powerful, but logically I can kind of understand I'm probably not 100% to blame. Logically, maybe just 99.999999999999999% is on me?