Outside looking in.

Started by Badmemories, January 11, 2018, 09:14:29 AM

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Badmemories


I have been thinking and noticing a feeling that I am on the outside looking in. I have lived in this little town for 23 years now. When people talk to me about someone who lives in the town I know very little about who lives where, drives what etc. The local bar is a point of socialization here I don't go to bars very much...The One church in town is not My faith so I don't go there.

I do suffer sometimes from anxiety attacks.  Although NOT as much as I used too.

It reminded me of being bullied in school. Never feeling like I belonged. I felt/feel like that from My family who denies the abuse, and since I am a half Sister I have never fit in. Sometimes My Mother still puts me down.

I don't have an answer yet on how to help myself with it. I am just throwing it out there to see what others think. ;)


Elphanigh

Hi there, 

I think you are doing something to help yourself with it by noticing the feeling a ton all. It seems like you have a good sense of the source behind the feeling, which is a great start. I can relate to feeling like an outsider, even in places where I am not one. Mine stems from some old FOO issues as well. Sometimes the best thing I can do for myself when I feel like that is to talk to someone I know I can trust to treat me well, or to post here because it has always made me feel like I belong.

I hope this is helpful  :hug:

Libby18

Hi badmemories.

Your post really set me thinking.

Like you,  I have lived in a small town for twenty years and definitely still feel like I don't belong.   Like you,  I have never felt I belonged. Scapegoat in my family,  bullied at school,  never fitted in whilst working.  So no surprise that I never feel I belong in this town.

However,  I was really interested to note how you feel you know little about other people,  whereas I have realised that I know a lot about people who don't even know I exist.

Since getting a dog, I have got out more and met more people.  Often I know who these people are,  who their children are etc, etc.  But when I say I remember them,  for example,  their children were at school with mine and we chatted occasionally,  they seem to have no recollection of me.

It's sort of the opposite of your situation but I feel sure that both our experiences are part of c-ptsd. Perhaps you feel that your world isn't real, whilst I feel like my world and the people in it are real, but I am not real.  Sort of opposite sides of the same coin.  Both equally unsettling.

I don't really have any advice.  I just wanted to say that I understand that feeling of not belonging.  I suppose I just try CBT techniques - tell myself it's not personal, many years have passed,  everyone is very busy.  But this sense of not belonging and not feeling real is really hard to get you head around.

Best wishes.

Libby.


Cookido

Badmemories, I too relate. I was bullied most of my teenage years and during childhood I was emotionally neglected by my parents.

I have lived in this town for 21 years. I don't know it's people, no street names or buildings. It's not until recent years that I started putting effort into fitting in by learning thouse things.

I navigate town differently. Every place has its own memories within me instead. Many hurtful ones, others are vague and brings up emotions.

I wonder sometimes why I still live here when I had the possibility to leave. I usually feel better when I am somewhere else.