Exhaustion

[artemis23]

I am constantly exhausted, even when I do nothing at all. I'm kind of more in the depression side of things. Most nights, I wake up generally early in the am and kind of go back to sleep. I wonder if it's also fatigue from the anxiety. But even on a 'good' or better emotional day I feel like I have been hit by a truck at almost all times. Can anyone relate or have any tips. It's such a struggle.

[Rainagain]

I'm there too.

I no longer work so sometimes nap during the day.

Nights are filled with nightmares so no rest there.

I think its the rem sleep deprivation that causes a lot of the trouble, wrecks memory and concentration I think.

Exercise helps, but it takes some determination to get out there......

[sanmagic7]

i can totally relate.  i've posted many times about how entirely exhausted i've been.  i'm tired now, but the exhaustion phase has gone, at least for now.

having this beast clinging full force to us is exhausting in itself.  doing the work needed to get it off our backs is exhausting.  anxiety is exhausting.  physical problems are exhausting.  lack of sleep is exhausting.  whatever else we're dealing with can be exhausting as well.

i think any one of these things can be taken care of, at least partially, thru rest, relaxation, and the least stress possible for a time.  when we're dealing with more than one, it takes longer to get our strength and energy back.  being as kind to ourselves, patient with ourselves, and understanding of ourselves as we go thru this exhaustion can certainly help.

one of the things that has especially help me is acceptance of me, of my 'self', and of my personal emotional situation.  i discovered that i was battling a lot with myself, and when i quit that battle, i found i had less exhaustion, more calm, and just an overall better feeling.   

it seemed ironic to me to think of acceptance as an antidote to how utterly exhausted i was feeling, but after i worked on that for a bit, it made more sense.  i was battling everything about me, and fighting like that takes a lot of energy.  seems natural now that i'd be exhausted.

best to you with this.  i hope you find your way to a more rested state.  big hug to you, artemis, filled with care and comfort and compassion.

[Eyessoblue]

Hi, yeah I'm totally exhausted, some days I can literally make a cup,of tea and that's it no more, quite a normal response on cptsd my therapist tells me as our brains and body are fighting all the time to keep going, to avoid, to stop bad feelings etc. One thing she suggested to me is to give yourself 1 hour every day and call it your worry time, sit down with a pen and paper and dedicate that 1 hour to you, write down all your thoughts and feelings, after you have done this, look back over them and next to them write a positive affirmation about it, for example you may write today I feel so depressed then next to it write something like but the sun is shining and I could go outside and feel the warmth of the sun, keep going over the positive affirmations, by writing it does help to release some of the negative anxious feelings as you're getting it out of your body, I've just started doing this and am noticing an improvement, also for every little thing you do even if it's just getting out of bed, congratulate yourself tell yourself you've done a good job in getting up, I know this sounds hard but my therapist assured me the more I do it the more positive I'll feel and I'll regain some of my energy and not feel so tired.

[artemis23]

Wow thanks guys, yeah I am really hard on myself. I need to remember it will get better eventually.

[Dee]

Also, be sure to rule out a physical reason.  It may be worth some blood work.  I do feel exhaustion from anxiety, stress, hyper-vigilance I had severe exhaustion at one point and it was actually physical.  It had stemmed from my eating disorder, but was a real physical issue.  My hormones were non existent. 

[miaoue]

artemis23, i'm so sorry you're feeling exhausted... i read your prior post and it sounds like you are struggling with so much right now, trying to get care for yourself. while so much of your energy goes into just surviving an abusive environment. i wonder if maybe you are so tired because you're actually working so hard? you are constantly protecting and advocating for yourself. that is exhausting work by itself, and you get zero time off. and you've been doing it for a long time.

i'm so grateful you've written this thread, because i too am struggling with exhaustion for quite some time. i feel like i don't do anything, other than drink tea and lie on the couch and maybe read. it's soooo frustrating to me because a few months ago i was working my fulltime+ job and now that i've lost it, i seem to be stuck in collapse mode.

i love what san said:

one of the things that has especially help me is acceptance of me, of my 'self', and of my personal emotional situation.  i discovered that i was battling a lot with myself, and when i quit that battle, i found i had less exhaustion, more calm, and just an overall better feeling.   

it seemed ironic to me to think of acceptance as an antidote to how utterly exhausted i was feeling, but after i worked on that for a bit, it made more sense.  i was battling everything about me, and fighting like that takes a lot of energy.  seems natural now that i'd be exhausted.

when you are already exhausted, fighting that feeling, and struggling to do more anyway, uses up even more energy. so you keep yourself stuck in an exhaustion trap.

my personal theory is that our store of energy/willpower/motivation is kind of like a credit card...lol. i mean, we can call on more energy than we actually have to spend at the moment. and when we do, and spend that effort, we put ourselves in emotional debt. we end up having to spend a lot of time making do with very little energy as we pay the debt off. it's a rough place to be in, especially when you still have to pay your bills, i.e. spend a lot of willpower just keeping yourself together and getting through the day.

i hope you can give yourself some extra support in this moment. Eyessoblue had some nice suggestions. i don't have any so i'll offer an emoji instead

[Gromit]

Have any of you tried magnesium? Thanks to someone I found out you can absorb magnesium from Epsom salts in the bath so sometimes I do have a bath with some, it does seem to perk me up. Now I am wondering if a supplement might be a good idea.

I know I tell everyone this but I also use Yoga Nidra when I have had a bad night, or maybe just to keep things OK, it's a tool to relax mind & body & you can find examples on YouTube.

[miaoue]

Gromit: yes i've tried magnesium. i was taking it as a supplement, 400mg/day. i found it very calming and centering. though at that dose, be careful, it will get the digestive gears turning! (that's what i took it for...had to stop when my IBS started to go the other way.)

[artemis23]

Miaoue yeah for sure, but I really don't even interact with my parents. I don't tell them anything about what I'm doing, just bare minimum. It's hard but not as hard as it used to be. I had to set some major boundaries (loudly and aggressively) and they don't like it but, for once, I don't care. Not my problem.

My step dad comes at me with passive aggressive comments and judgements disguised as 'trying to help me', I blew up on him and stood up for myself and ended up relapsing on alcohol but in the end I'm glad because he isn't bothering me anymore and I'm going to AA now. I can see my mom grasping to get control and attention I just ignore her until I need something. I guess the old me would feel selfish and guilty for this but now that I realized who she really is and remembered what she abandoned me to and how she covertly abused me I'm like * her, take what I can get and get out when I can. I don't have time for their crap. I don't really even have any more grief left in me about what she put me through as a child and as a disabled adult. I'm just spending my time taking care of myself and getting at AA meetings right now and it's helping to have a new support community even if I really don't trust anyone there lol. Why should I? They need to earn my trust. But I've realized if I stay in bed and lay around I get more tired and depressed and so I've found as many support groups as possible to get to. 12 step ones and mental health ones at county psych (that's all we have) and actually it's working to just get myself moving, as hard as it is. A bunch of real people have stepped in to help me.

AA is kind of amazing. Like wrap around support, I'm totally terrified of being manipulated and abused by them all but I'm trusting myself to make judgements as I get to know people. I dont have much to say in any groups I'm going to, and I usually end up bawling on the way home, I'm not sure why. I've considered that maybe it's because I don't want to come back to this house of pretend love and support (and real manipulation and illness) and that no one has ever just offered so much help and support and kindness and it's overwhelming. I've always been alone and/or with toxic people.

I'm starting to sleep more and let myself rest. And what was blocking that was me feeling guilty and letting the people I live with who pretend they love me guilt trip me for being home watching tv, the truth is they are the sick ones who ignore and minimize my suffering and I'm not doing it for them anymore. I"m really sick. I will do what I need to do. If they don't want to support me anymore fine. I've let it hurt me ad ruin my life so much I'm becoming numb to it. Time for me to be 100% selfish for once. It's funny I get angry about unloading the dishwasher, I used to be like Cinderella cooking and cleaning for everyone. lol I think I've just had enough.

[sanmagic7]

well, good for you, artemis.  getting yourself up and out to support groups, taking your time with trust, and letting others give you an emotional hand sounds wonderful to me.  plus, i see what you're doing at home as being self-ish - in other words, looking to what's best for your 'self'.  it's very different from what we've so often been taught about the concept of selfishness, very positive, to my mind.

bawling your eyes out on the way home?  i've done that after reading caring posts here, too.  the idea that someone will take their time to say something kind to me can blow me out of the water.

very glad you're fed up and are refusing to take it anymore.  big hug full of strength, determination, love, and caring to you. 

[ah]

i love what san said:

one of the things that has especially help me is acceptance of me, of my 'self', and of my personal emotional situation.  i discovered that i was battling a lot with myself, and when i quit that battle, i found i had less exhaustion, more calm, and just an overall better feeling.   

it seemed ironic to me to think of acceptance as an antidote to how utterly exhausted i was feeling, but after i worked on that for a bit, it made more sense.  i was battling everything about me, and fighting like that takes a lot of energy.  seems natural now that i'd be exhausted.

when you are already exhausted, fighting that feeling, and struggling to do more anyway, uses up even more energy. so you keep yourself stuck in an exhaustion trap.

my personal theory is that our store of energy/willpower/motivation is kind of like a credit card...lol. i mean, we can call on more energy than we actually have to spend at the moment. and when we do, and spend that effort, we put ourselves in emotional debt. we end up having to spend a lot of time making do with very little energy as we pay the debt off. it's a rough place to be in, especially when you still have to pay your bills, i.e. spend a lot of willpower just keeping yourself together and getting through the day.

I feel totally exhausted 99.999% of the time. Every morning, when I get up I'm more exhausted than I was when I went to sleep the night before. It feels like my energy reserves are chronically depleted.
In my case it's also physical so I agree very much it's important to rule out physical problems. But for me, the thing that helps the most is what sanmagic does. Ironically, paradoxically, thinking "what I've got now is enough. this is all I need. even if it's awful this is enough for me" over and over seems to "break" the spell my exhaustion has on me. When I manage to really feel it I feel better every single time. Or I think "feeling exhausted right now makes perfect sense. it's okay for me to feel this way."
It feels to me like the heavy weight of my need for things to improve sucks out any energy I might still have left to use, preventing me from having the strength to really improve some of them  though it sounds up side down, it helps.

And: being tired when tiring things happen is sane, normal, logical, it's realistic. You're dealing with so much.... no wonder you're exhausted by it. I'd be worried if you weren't exhausted right now.

I agree, taking care of yourself isn't selfish. You're not doing it against anyone else but for you. You've got yourself in your corner and that's a huge thing. Exhausting, even... 

[artemis23]

Thanks guys. Yeah, I've got some medication treatment that's actually making this possible, it really wasn't before. My psych put me on ketamine nasal spray. People want to put it down because it's used as a party drug but it is magical for me. And the research shows it may actually be curative and it's so much more effective than SSRIs it's amazing. It's probably the future of medication for depression and ptsd. If people can get past the stigma of it being a 'party drug'.

[sanmagic7]

glad you found something that's helping, artemis. 

a lot of meds that we use to help us are used as party drugs in another venue.  when my hub and i first started living together, i was taking a med at night to help me sleep (restless legs syndrome).  he was horrified cuz he used to take the same pill, 10 or 12 at a time along with alc. and pot, (he was newly in recovery for drugs and alc.) and he watched me like a hawk to see if i was taking more than was prescribed. 

so, those kinds of stigmas needn't keep us from using a medication.  there's a big difference between meds and 'drugs'.  meds help us live in the reality of the world more easily, while drugs are used to keep us out of the reality of the world as much as possible.   my hub found this out when he had hip surgery.  he used the same pain killers as medication that he had once used to get high with.  big difference in focus made all the difference in the world.

this exhaustion thing is such a bummer, tho.  hard to get that energy level back up in order to do something.   i like ah's analogy of the credit card.  i think it's so true.   big hug to you, artemis.  hope you keep feeling better.

[ah]

i like ah's analogy of the credit card.  i think it's so true.   big hug to you, artemis.  hope you keep feeling better.

Erm, san... this time it wasn't me. It was miaoue's wisdom.
Sorry, I'm just giggling my head off here, this is too funny... 

I like miaoue's credit card analogy a lot too. It feels so right, we do keep using up more energy than we have and keep paying the price without realizing it. Maybe we do it because we're so used to dancing on the edge that we don't recognize the warning signs when we start getting near our limit. We only notice it when we've already gone very far beyond it and our body's collapsing.

And ketamine related, I have to take opiates (very strong pain killers) for pain. It freaks people out on a regular basis. Some assume I'm a junkie for no reason, others assume I'm about to be one in a minute. But in my experience, when you take a med your expectations can be different and so is the result. The nasal spray sounds fascinating, amazingly effective and potentially less harmful than other treatments for depression out there. I think it's brilliant.