Concern

[BlancaLap]

I have been told by psychiatrist that they feel concern about me. Like they look me and they see I'm suffering (or something like that) and they feel concern. I don't get it. They have told me that people that I know from what, 5 days? They don't know me, why would they feel concern about me?

Everytime, when I was... too dissociated... and too alienated, so much that I didn't want to go to the meeting because I knew I could not make a good impression, and when I'm dissociated this is so "important" to me, because it feels like people (apart from their personality and personal history) they treat you one way or another depending on how they look at you, what image have you send them, how they feel when they think about you. OBVIOUSLY. That's so obvious. Nobody wants to be with someone that gives him/her bad impression or bad feelings. And you are gonna feel (and by extension behave) differently depending on that. And I "need" to have good relationships with people.
So it goes like this:
I behave "normal" -> they treat me ok
I behave "strange" -> they feel "concern" about me

They don't feel "concern" about me because they know me, but because... idk. As I say that's what they have told me. They see I2m "suffering" and they take measurements. Like giving me medication even though they don't know me, or delivering me to another department. Or not thinking that I can make decisions for myself, that they know better than me.

I knew this would happen. Why did I go to the meetings then? They parents coerced (obligaron) me to do it. I can't even blame them. Because I don't feel anything. And if I could I would feel so.. shamed, betrayed, afraid, hurt, angry, sad... that I wouldn't even care or think about it.

Why do they say they feel "concerned" about me? I don't get it.

[Three Roses]

I think we can feel concern for others, even if we don't know them. I can't see you and I'm concerned, and I hope you can find some answers here. 

[BlancaLap]

Thanks Three Roses. But I don't understand how they can use that "concern" to justify actions that ended up hurting me and justify too the denial of that actions' consecuences. Like: what you do, even though it had good intentions it ended up hurting me so now I feel like I need, idk, to be kept in mind. To acknowledge that it harmed me and that has value.
And them: I don't think the same way. It had good intentions, plus you are dissociated, you can't see right now what harms you and what not. It didn't harm you it's just your perception.
Seriously, I had this conversation yesterday.

[MyPrison1965]

My fear when I was younger was to be alone and tried to hard to fill that gap just to be let down and hurt, I gave it my all and failed. I have been told that people in my life were concerned for me but I believe that they were not, they were going through the motions of words with no actions to back it up. I have been called many things by people and it made me feel like I am nothing without their guidance, well guess what, I am everything without that kind of advice. I have been to counselors and I got the feeling that they wanted a quick fix to get me to be a part of the herd (society). I see that the herd is not always going well for itself, its a lot of drama and hype for what it values and I do not get it, over the years I gave a value of what is important to me and do not want to be moved from that stance. I still want that so called connection to some degree but I do not want to be controlled and trained if I do not believe it what they are doing. I have been in a journey for a peace and it continues everyday, even when I am not going to be what someone wants from me.

[BlancaLap]

So true. I was so much more when I wasn't with them. I was myself, I was connected.
That's something they tell me everyday: "we only want you to be happy and have a normal life: go to the university, get a job..."
I don't care about university or about any job, I want to be myself again. And it hurts so much to think that I was in the right path until they decided they had to do something.

The last year, when I was stressed... I would take refuge in the present moment. I would connect with the present and the stress would go away, dissapear... Now I can't do that. The present has become even worse, it doesn't calm or comfort me anymore, neither is a place where I can take refuge.

[Hope67]

I want to be myself again.

I really hope you will be able to get more moments again when you are able to be yourself again, BlancaLap, and I wish you the best with this.    to you.
Hope 

[MyPrison1965]

I am an old solider of this life and world, I had no to little goals, I did not want to do anything but in the same token I had to and forced myself to. When I worked for the "man" I felt oppressed, when I started my own business I felt liberated. When I had no education/skills I taught myself if I wanted to know something, today I am a sponge of knowledge and have many skills to my credit. I had nothing to seek out to start, but in my forced attitude I have gained my life by keeping busy, and wanting something better.

[BlancaLap]

Thank you.

Wish you hope