Highly Sensitive People...Opinions?? TW

[89abc123]

I wanted to bring up this topic to see others' points of view on it.

Highly Sensitive People

Is it nature or nurture? I feel like the traits of HSPs overlap with trauma and anxiety disorders. So how to we know the difference??

I find the idea of being one of 20% of the population that inherited a sensitivity gene insanely triggering. I mean, doesn't that take the power away from recovery if people say 'oh you inherited a gene that makes you quiet, shy, have performance anxiety, have difficulty in relationships and it makes people want to bully you and you just have to take extra special care of yourself and hide away and take naps and warm baths every time you feel overwhelmed. You will never be like normal people you just have to accept it'.

Doesn't that just invalidate the trauma we've been through? It's hard to sit with when people say that I reacted stronger to my abuse than other people would. Really??

You might as well tell me that i'm Autistic or have some other special mental disability because I see it in the same vain.

I find the whole idea of HSP to be incredibly disempowering and puts me back into a hopeless state.

The other idea I wanted to bring up is every childhood emotional abuse survivor seems to label themselves as HSP. Would that not be narcissistic victim syndrome being mislabeled as a genetic trait?

Are we using HSP as an excuse to stay comfortable instead of pushing ourselves into healing

What are your thoughts?

[I like vanilla]

I am an HSP and have done a lot of reading on the topic and have been very active in the HSP community where I live. From what I have read and from experience, being quiet, shy, and/or having performance anxiety are not inherently part of being an HSP. Yes, some HSPs are shy, etc. but these factors are not part of defining the trait, nor is being more prone to bullying. Plus, many people who are shy, etc. are not HSPs. HSP is an inborn trait. Shyness and performance anxiety are learned behaviours that can be unlearned, and being more prone to bullying is often a question of having/not having healthy personal boundaries (and boundaries are also learned rather than being part of the HSP trait). Quietness is, in fact, more likely in HSPs but that is generally because we are also more likely to be introverts than extroverts, but again, it is not an inherent part of being an HSP, even for those of us who are introverts. And yes, we do have a lower threshold of overwhelmed that non-HSPs, but with good boundaries that is manageable, and really is not that much different than someone who must watch their sugar or salt intake, or who cannot eat gluten, etc.


The problem, I think and my reading indicates, is that in abusive and dysfunctional families the HSP child tends to bear the brunt of the abuse/dysfunction. We are:

• most likely to notice what is going wrong and to be emotionally affected by it;
• to get pushback for pointing out what we notice;
• to be put into the black sheep role - being different is being a target in these families;
• to be super conscientious and so to fall more readily into codependency and people-pleasing behaviours (and also often less likely to be rebellious);
• to feel the dysfunctional/abuse energy in the family and to be affected by it;
• to make others in the family feel threatened and so get pushback (they can sense that we can see through their shenanigans so they target us and gaslight us and teach us not to trust our instincts to prevent us from calling them out);
• etc.

We are more likely to be targeted for abuse in abusive families and are affected more by it than our non-HSP siblings. Suffering abuse affects children, and being the brunt of the abuse affects us the most, especially as our trait already makes us more vulnerable to the effects of abuse.

So, the problem is not in the HSP trait in and of itself - HSP-ness does not cause shyness, anxiety, being bullied, etc. HSP children who grow up in good and good enough families are able to thrive and do well without and of these problems. But, those of us who are HSPs and who grew up in abusive homes generally suffer more for it than non-HSPs in abusive homes. That set of factors, in turn, can lead us to be shy, anxious, prone to bullying, etc.

The good news is, while HSP is an inborn trait, the problems that come from being an HSP in an abusive home are all learned responses. If we learned them in the first place, we can learn new responses in the second place. The unlearning can be painful, and challenging, and frustrating, and often requires support from a therapist, but that is true for anyone who is trying to overcome the challenges incurred from growing up in an abusive home, HSP or not. We as HSPs can learn to feel more confident in our own skins, to trust ourselves more, to make healthy boundaries, and to have fulfilling lives and relationships.

There is such a thing as a happy and empowered HSP. With the help of my friends and therapist, I am well on my way there. With support and practise you will be well on your way there too. 

[89abc123]

Thank you for your reply Vanilla! Very informative!

I think my frustration is that I get labelled as a HSP by other people, but I don't identify with the over sensitivity to smells, noises, crowds, etc. I don't have problems with these things, I don't get overwhelmed with emotion from standing in a noisy shopping centre.

I find myself more emotionally reactive because of my trauma but I keep getting told I'm an empath and that I feel other people's pain and things effect me more than they effect other people.

It's other people putting this label on me and I think it's unfair because they are trying to force me to 'accept myself as I am' instead of letting me try and heal and grow.

Just getting frustrated and triggered by the HSP label.

[Sceal]

I am on my phone at the moment. So I will probably keep this short.
I agree with what I like Vanilla says. And it was also very informative.

I am a HSP person. And now that I understand more what it actually means, I feel more empowered by it. But I still so hate the comments such as "You are so sensitive" and "you are overreacting" "have.a sense of humour".  Which made me feel frustrated and annoyed. Because it made me feel like I wasn't allowed to react or have emotions. Especially emotions that didn't align with whomever I was with at the time.
It took me some time to understand that that's two completely different things. People who call me sensitive doesn't understand the concept of HSP and use it as an insult.

I don't know of this sound familiar to you, in the sense how other have treated you?

There is nothing wrong with being HSP.. or not being HSP. What matters is how you relate to yourself. We all have emotions, they are there to send us signals that something is up. And people who has gone through trauma might experience heightened intensity of emotions.

[ah]

I personally find the term "highly sensitive people" a bit confusing. I've read about it, and about being introverted, and I know for sure I'm very introverted. I don't know if both terms describe the same thing or different things.

Society in some places is so extremely extroverted nowadays that anyone who doesn't fit the norm is seen as "abnormal", weak, sick... but variety isn't a pathology.
The way I think of it is: let's say I also have an unusually high IQ. Society wouldn't call it an illness, but a gift. It would pile all these expectations on me, but in both cases it's just something that's slightly outside the norm. Different isn't necessarily bad, it just means more challenging because culture accommodates whatever is most common. Be different and you'll be left out and marginalized. But to me personally, understanding I'm very introverted has been very empowering. It enabled me to stop feeling guilty about being who I am.

The way I understand it, being introverted is something I was born with. I enjoy thinking and learning more than I'd enjoy a loud party, not because of anxiety but because of pure pleasure I get from certain activities and not from others. Small talk leaves me seasick, it's admissible to have allergic reactions to silliness, that's not a pathology either 

I've been told "You're too sensitive..." many times too. Oh, people and their ignorance 

I was / still am my FOO's scapegoat, so I can strongly relate. But I was hurt worse by my FOO and by others not just because I was different. They picked on me because they were uncaring and sadistic, so any excuse to act that way would have been good enough for them. If my hair were greener than my siblings' they'd probably pick that as an excellent excuse for abuse, too. The reason for their abuse was that they were abusive.

I also have an insanely high level of sensitivity to sounds but I'm quite willing to assume that's just cptsd related. The brain is such a flexible thing when we're small, it makes sense it would develop very sensitive senses if you were always feeling you were in extreme danger. Sounds, for me, mean torture because I was verbally abused non stop.

Maybe it's as complex as cptsd is complex. Maybe it's both nature and nurture, I guess the line between them blurs very often. My guess is my appreciation of quiet activities is something I was born with, then abuse and cptsd strengthened it even more. If I were more extroverted I'd probably suffer more from cptsd's people-related anxiety, I bet. I'd be tortured more by being alone. So in a way, being introverted has protected me to some extent.

Maybe  this is definitely an interesting topic.

[MyPrison1965]

I will believe that it is a nature trait rather than of the trauma that has happened to me. I will agree to a lot of what is said in the above post that the trauma has heightened this trait in myself, I had to learn from examples of shenanigans, lies, and deceit much like a cop who is pressing for information from a suspect. They are looking for the little blips and chips of the person that they are talking to, and this part of it is learned rather than natural. I was wishing that I did not have this sensitivity but I realize that it is a tool for me to beware, just wish I could tone it down at times. I am sure there are people out there that have this trait and that they did not experience complex trauma and live dynamic lives, I have often wondered how some make it big in this world and most do not. Do they use this gift to exploit the situation? If I came from the same gene pool as my siblings why do not they have it too? Or do they? They are more of a extrovert and I am an introvert and I know this is a born with trait, just like my A-type personality, brown hair and blue-green eye color. I do not hide behind as a excuse to be healed, and never thought of it that way, because I am what I am, but I am more fragile and fearful than someone without the complex trauma.

[Sceal]

I personally find the term "highly sensitive people" a bit confusing. I've read about it, and about being introverted, and I know for sure I'm very introverted. I don't know if both terms describe the same thing or different things.

I am doing exam prep for my course in psychology right now. And I have recently been delving into personality psychology.
there is a whole bunch of different theories, but I want to touch upon one of them a littlebit.

There was a psychologist named Eysenick who was working on personality factors, he believes that you only need three main factors to analyze personality. One of those factors is the Extraversion-Introversion continuum. And he hypothized that Introverts have an overstimulation of electrical energy within the brain, and needs quiet time to come back down to a more "comfort level". Whereas Extroverts are understimulated with the electrical energies and require parties and social interactions to gain more stimulations, which is also why they more easily gets bored, whereas introverts are more than happy delving into a bood.  (There is another part to his theory, which I can explain if people are interessted, but I don't want to overwhelm you with info you might not want) So that's the more biological explanation of introversion-extroversion.

I also want to point out one thing more in regards to extroversion-introversion, which I think might be more related to some people here. It is fully possible that people in young age are being conditioned to become an introversion. Being talked down on, not given room to be allowed to be loud, dance, sing, be the light of the party. Or be allowed to share their thoughts and ideas, suggestions etc. And in a way be stripped of self-esteem in such a way being confromed to become an introvert - but once healing starts to really take root their true nature of extroversion starts showing and growing back out. I've seen it quite a few times, not only with people who have experienced trauma but that too.

There is also a book and website community for introverts. Just google Quiet Revolution and you'll find it. There's also a Ted talk about the power of introversion. which touches upon the fact that society needs both introverts and extroverts.
And also, it is possible to be both. Or be in the middle of the continuum.

This got a little bit long, I'm sorry! - I don't know the relation between introversion and HSP, and whether they have found HSP markers in DNA or otherwise biological tendencies. So, without knowing for sure, I do believe it is nature.

[woodsgnome]

Sensitive? Oh, for sure; while it has its ups and huge downs, I'm more than okay that I am sensitive, even when it hurts to the point I can't stand it, or myself.

I'm increasingly proud of the creative parts of my life. But without extra sensitivity, I would never have been able to tap its well, other than retreat from life (in which I also excel). I think the creative side of sensitivity is the main reason I ever survived. Being older now, I have challenges and regrets that I'm not engaged so much, and it's challenging to see any hope ahead. Yet I know I've walked through the fire before, and maybe I'm just in a rest stop for the moment.

Like other parts of cptsd, there are aspects like sensitivity (especially as a 'freeze' type) that gives another perspective to the crazy busy-ness as painted by the cultural 'norms'. I recall an earlier round on this topic where the initial poster decided that, on the whole, they'd take sensitivity given the other options anyday.

That sounds almost like I'm considering sensitivity a special gift. NOT AT ALL--no one would willingly endure a 'gift' wrapped in trauma that pushes you aside and under so much of 'normal' life, that keeps you feeling like the odd one, the loser, the misfit who can't handle life. I probably felt that way and still easily fall into that trap, but when I recover my sensitive self I can accept who I turned out to be; and that I'm also sensitive enough to believe my sensitivity wasn't some life sentence or something to be ashamed of showing.

Perhaps it's useful to throw away the label, and just live life per our heart's calling. Mine--even when in situations matching the cultural norms of achieving and proceeding ever-onward and upward, found my sensitive side, painful parts included, and moved as onward and upward as I felt called to be. Different? Yep. Stressful? Too often. But being sensitive is more true to what my heart needs, too. So I choose to honour that, as the heart is my only true friend, and in being sensitive I am not a victim of life, but doing with it per my heart's directive.

[Gwyon]

I don't see this elsewhere on this thread,  so I'll share this link to "Sensitive: The Movie"
http://sensitivethemovie.com/hsp/

I found this enlightening and empowering. I'm sure i'm hsp and that this contributed to the intense impact of my traumatc childhood.

[Libby183]

Such an interesting topic.

Like Gwyon,  I am sure I am HSP and I believe this contributed to the life-long, devastating impact of my abusive relationship with my parents.  I will not take the blame, however.  They were abusive, but they could have,  if they had been able/inclined, made allowances for my sensitivity.  They did not, they used it as a means of scape-goating me.  I have a son with Aspergers,  who has many odd sensitivities,  so I have always taken these into account and respected his unusual ways.  He is an unusual young man, but not at all traumatised.   He copes with life much better than I have ever done.

I found Sceal's idea that introversion can be conditioned in childhood,  really interesting.   Overall,  I am an introvert,  but if I am at ease,  I can also be very out going and very silly and fully able to do over the top things and laugh at myself for doing them.  I felt that this did not go with my introverted personality but I see now that I was put down for this sort of out going behaviour as a child.  My mother didn't behave in such a way and hated it if I did, so she made me feel ashamed. When I became a mother,  she hated me being silly and childish with my young children and shamed me again.  Thanks, Sceal.  That makes perfect sense.

So happy to be back on OOTS again.

Best wishes,  Libby.

[89abc123]

Hi Libby,

I can definitely relate to being shamed for behaving a certain way in childhood. My mother seemed to see any kind of fun or silliness as bad behaviour or being naughty.

It's definitely an interesting topic.

Just out of interest, has anyone that's labeling themselves as HSP ever been tested for the gene?

I'd be interested to see where the statistics are coming from...saying 20% of the population are HSP.

How many people were in the study and what is the name of the gene that contributes? One article said that certain areas of the brain react differently...so what area of the brain is that exactly?

I'm still leaning towards nurture over nature. I'd love for them to do a further study seeing if there is a connection between this so called gene and the way people were treated as infants. Eg. I know that I had a jealous sibling that would complain and cry when I was held, there was a lot of yelling and screaming and parents throwing furniture at each other and I know my mother has never been very attuned to her kids. I was also not socialised until I was 5 years old because my mum thought I'd be in an accident if I was left with other people. I'd be interested to see if all this contributed to a hyper vigilant state, but that would be a difficult study because no one remembers infancy.

[Blueberry]

Really interesting information, Ilikevanilla!

It's been suggested to me before that I might be HSP but only based on my emotional reactions. Sounded to me just like some theory from people who don't know about developmental trauma. I don't mean HSP, I mean attributing it to me.

I was always told I was an introvert especially by FOO. Well, the safest reaction for me in FOO was to  not be seen, not be heard. But as I heal, I'm finding myself less and less introverted.

[sanmagic7]

i believe i'm hsp, but, for me at least, it has nothing to do with being introverted, shy, an empath  hyper-vigilant - any of those things.

i've been an extrovert since high school, still am.  can speak with most any stranger i meet, and people are drawn to me in a positive way.

because of my alexithymia, i've never been very empathetic towards others, or compassionate.  didn't know how to relate on an emotional level.

i'm not shy, unless i feel uncomfortable, which isn't very often.

i startle easily, but i believe that's a symptom of the c-ptsd beast.  i'm only hyper-vigilant if i believe i'm not in a safe place or with safe people, but i tend to be focused on what i'm doing and basically let the world go by without me.

however, my hsp is very noticeable now to too much stimulation - crowds, noise, that kind of thing.  i believe that's also a symptom of c-ptsd, because i used to be a partier, bar-hopper, in the midst of people with lots of noise and action.  can't take that anymore.

my true hsp, my sense of people and their pain has been with me since i was very young.  i believe this part of me has been with me from the beginning, is inherent within me.  i think it has something to do with being so sensitive to displeasing my father that i was traumatized  because of it.   i was too sensitive for his way of being with me, by my very nature, and that was never recognized, so it was never attended to. 

emotionally, tho i couldn't recognize my own emotions, i would very easily become entangled in the pain of others to the point of tears.  as i've progressed in my own recovery, have become a bit more in touch with my own emotions, this part of me has become more pronounced. 

i can't watch movies or shows, or read books about the inhumanity of people to other people anymore.   at times, even on this forum, there is too much pain for me, and i have to step away for a bit.  but i'm also the same about love, which is the opposite - i cry easily and readily at loving gestures and kindnesses.  very sensitive to that, possibly because i haven't had enough in my young life, and so now i'm a bottomless pit of yearning for it.

so, nature/nurture - from my own experience, i can see both contributing to hsp in my life.  in some ways i wish it were different - i'm not overly fond of crying so much of the time - but in other ways i've found it interesting, a part of me that is almost magical.  i like that part.

interesting subject.  thanks.