"Healing The Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors" by Janina Fisher

[Hope67]

p96
I had to copy this part, because I feel it was written 'for me' - I relate to it VERY much:

"I know you wish the parts would just go away, but would that be fair?  To neglect them the way you were neglected?  I don't believe you're that kind of person.  The person I know you to be would never reject wounded children because they were upset or inconvenient."
"Think of the parts as your roommates - you all share the same body, the same home.  You have a choice: you can learn to accept each other and get along, or you can struggle to win every battle!"
"We wouldn't be sitting her today if it weren't for your parts.  By taking on the survive-at-all-costs role, they allowed you to leave home, go to college, and start a life far away from the world of your childhood.  It's only fair to take them with you to this better, safer world - it could be a way to thank them.  It's not much of a thanks to leave them 'there' while you go forward."
"Rightly or wrongly, you and the parts are inseparable: as long as their distress becomes your distress.  For you to live a life freer of fear, anger, and shame, the parts need to be welcomed - they have to feel safe."

The above are all 'explanations' that Janina (the therapist and author of the book) gives to clients - she said they are generally positive, normalizing, and speak to the 'best self' of the client.

I actually found that I related to each and every single one of the things she said.  Except that I don't wish the parts would go away, as I want to meet them, understand and get to know them, and help them, so I want to engage with them, and I already feel I'm beginning to make some progress in doing that.  I have 'been in touch' with some of them, and I'm beginning to write about them in my book of diagrams.  Also, I am getting more experiences in my sleep and dreams, that seem to be communications of intensely raw feelings, which I relate to the wounded parts inside.  I've found that really incredible - I'm less afraid of that now - and more 'curious' to find out more.

Hope 

[Whobuddy]

  p95 - "...the going on with normal life self is in charge of the body's health and well-being, must provide food, shelter, and other necessities, and is focused on present moment priorities, it is quite literally the "host" or home base for all parts of the self."
"However, when clients finally come for treatment, the going on with normal life self is often demoralized or depleted, identified with certain parts and intimidated by or ashamed of others.   Although the normal life part has the innate ability to become interested in rather than afraid of the parts, he or she may need education to recognize them as young child selves trying to communicate their trauma-related fears and phobias."
This is really helpful to me - I relate to this.
(I'm finding it quite hard to get through the chapter - mainly because I've been facing some 'stuff' 'in real life' - but just reading a few lines, it really helps each time, and I feel comforted. 
Just wanted to share that bit of the book, and those few reflections.
Hope 

Thank you for sharing this. Interesting to think of that going on with life part as the 'host' or home base. I thought mine was my 'inner adult' and I was relieved to find that I had such an adult in me. But now I am wondering if this host isn't just the part of me that protected me since earliest memory. My traumas began when I was so young basically no 'self' was developed. I simply had the parts that were wounded and the part that strategized to try and avoid more wounding. And that part grew up and had to use those strategies to get a job, home, etc. But not necessarily an adult self.

Maybe I am just overthinking this and making it more complicated than it is - another result of my cptsd.

Thanks for being there. We can try and work this out together.

[Whobuddy]

I actually found that I related to each and every single one of the things she said.  Except that I don't wish the parts would go away, as I want to meet them, understand and get to know them, and help them, so I want to engage with them, and I already feel I'm beginning to make some progress in doing that.
***************
I can't say that I wished mine would go away either but I experienced some surprising emotions about them. I felt sad that I had them and there were so many. I felt angry about what happened that wounded them and shaped them into the parts that they are. And for a while I had to set them aside because it was very intense to take this step.

This paragraph in Chapter 5 was meaningful to me:
Chapter 5 p. 79
"In an Internal Family Systems approach (Schwartz, 1995, 2001), the observer role is ascribed to "self," an internal state that draws upon eight "C" qualities: Curiosity, compassion, calm, clarity, creativity, courage, confidence, and connectedness. "Self" is not just a meditative state or dependent upon having positive experiences in life: each quality is an innate resource available to all human beings no matter what their past or present circumstances. Most importantly for the purposes of psychotherapy, access to these states creates an internal healing environment."

So we all have these 8 qualities no matter what life has dealt us and how early in life our development was hijacked. Very good to hear that I am not 'empty' but rather possess these resources. Perhaps this is where I need to start the search for my authenticity.

[Hope67]

Hi WhoBuddy,
Yes, I found that list of qualities within everyone to be really helpful as well - I think the book reaches out to anyone, no matter what their previous experiences - and having that list of qualities and resources within ourselves is great, and I feel optimistic to 'wake' the different traits/wake them up and hopefully use them to help me to cope with my wounded parts.

I am more hopeful since I started reading this book - and it's validating to hear your experiences of it as well.

Also, I am recognising that there are several wounded parts, from different parts of my childhood, and adolescence too - also - one of them is male, which is interesting, as I am a female.  It's like an internal family - consisting of different characters with different needs and concerns and worries. 

It's also helping me to 'explain' my reactions to triggering events better - because I can begin to see why my reaction is so strong and intense - and has mixed aspects to it - I guess at those times, more parts are reacting, and there is more 'internal conflict' there - I might talk more about that in the thread I opened about 'identifying the different parts of me' - once I've got more of a feel for what my experience was like.  I find it confusing at the moment, and over-whelming sometimes, but right at this moment, as I am writing this, I feel relatively calm, so that's good.

Hope 

[Hope67]

p97 Chapter 5 "Befriending Our Parts":

I relate to this part:

"Most clients have evolved a procedurally learned habitual strategy for dealing with the intrusive feelings and impulses, ignore the tears or self-denigrating thoughts or voices.  Others interpret each feeling, impulse, or belief as "my feeling" or "how I feel", forgetting that they may have felt differently even seconds before.  The former strategy yields a more emotionally cut-off, controlled way of being that interferes with the enjoyment of life.  the latter leads to chaos or a feeling of being overwhelmed, out of control, crazy, on the verge of implosion or explosion.  Not only do these patterns need to be noticed and translated into parts language, but it is also important that the therapy emphasize strengthening the normal life self and enhancing the qualities associated with "self" or "self energy" in the Internal Family Systems Approach (Schwartz, 2001).  The normal life self must develop the capacities of "wise mind": staying connected to present time, capable of meta-awareness or the capacity to hover above, seeing all of the parts, and the ability to make decisions for the sake of the whole.  The concept of 'self' in Internal Family Systems helps clients connect to the states of compassion, creativity, curiosity, and perspective, while the going on with normal life self of the Structural Dissociation model emphasizes the importance of developing the functional ability to take action to implement decisions for the sake of the system.  If we put the two models together and encourage the development of wise mind or "self-energy" in the going on with normal life self, then, we have leadership informed by clarity of view, compassionate acceptance, and the capacity for behaviour change.  The challenge is how to access a going on with normal life part and convince that aspect of self to not only assume a leadership role but also cultivate the qualities of self, curiosity, compassion, clarity, calm, creativity, courage, commitment, and connection."

I know that is a long and complex sounding paragraph, but breaking it down - it makes sense to me - and I hope very much to move away from the previous habitual strategies that I've employed, and be able to cultivate the qualities listed at the end, in that final sentence.  It makes sense to me, and I've already seen how different I can feel if I engage with parts and communicate with them, rather than feeling they are 'me'.

I'm also beginning to think about the 'inner critic' differently - as if that's a wounded part - maybe an angry part - and I want to explore that.

I'm going to copy and paste the list of qualities to my Journal - to remind me...

Hope 

[Hope67]

p100
"When clients pause their emotional reactivity to "befriend" themselves, to be curious and interested rather than dismissing or judgemental, they slow time."

"Autonomic arousal settles; there is a relaxing of the sense of urgency to do or be anything different.  With their bodies in a calmer state, they can be more at peace, and, as a result, their parts feel more at peace."

Trigger warnings - I found this next paragraph extremely emotive - but probably because it spoke directly (or seemed to) speak to one of my wounded inner children/parts, but I'm glad I read it:

"As I made my case for accepting and welcoming her parts to a young graduate student, Gaby, she grew thoughtful. "These are good ideas. What about having a daily meditation circle?" she asked.  "I could sit and invite them to join me in the circle.  They wouldn't have to talk, but if they wanted to tell me about things they were worried or upset about, they could.  It would be a safe place for all of us."  The next week, she reported back.  "It was amazing to see them all there - to know they came to meet me and to see if I would really listen.  A lot of them were upset about how stressful my job is and the memories it brings back.  I told them I'd talk to you about how to make it easier for them".

(My reflection on the above paragraph are that I teared up when reading it - because I think one of my inner children, or maybe even several of them 'listened' and liked the idea, and also that I related to the fact my own job (which I no longer do now) was incredibly stressful in many ways, and I don't know how I coped with it - even though I did it for a couple of decades!  Each and every day was stressful - I don't know how I coped.

I like the idea of the Meditation circle and inviting the 'inner parts' to join - and also the lack of pressure on them to speak, that feels safe and possibly something I could try.  I'll think about it more.

I don't think I'm going to read more today - I feel as if it's taking me an eternity to get through Chapter 5, but it's go so much packed in every sentence and paragraph, that I then end up processing and then I have things 'in real life' that I need to do - and I think I need to do some of them now - but I'm glad to have read this book today, and I'm really glad that it's putting pieces in place and making sense.

WhoBuddy - I think this book is amazing.  I'm glad you're discussing it too - it's so helpful and validating.
Fenstarshimmer - I hope you get your copy soon, I know it's on order from the library.  Hope you enjoy it as well, and that you'll join here - or wherever you want to write about it - if you want to.   

Feeling more positive today - also calmer...

Hope 

[Whobuddy]

"the qualities of self, curiosity, compassion, clarity, calm, creativity, courage, commitment, and connection"
*******
I was wondering what you think about these. The author presents them as if they are innate. When I searched inside myself trying to be very honest this is what I discovered:
Curiosity - yes, especially intellectual curiosity.
Compassion - this is new to me, I don't see it as innate because I didn't experience this in childhood so it is not something familiar to me.
Clarity - I desire clarity, search for clarity but it wasn't a natural part of my mindset. I grew up steeped in chaos, confusion, and contradiction.
Calm - again, I desire this but it is not always accessible.
Creativity - yes.
Courage - a definite no.
Commitment - definitely committed to my own survival.
Connection - this comes and goes.

[Hope67]

Hi Whobuddy,
I have read what you wrote, and I am considering how I would reply regarding the qualities you listed - I am still thinking about them, so once I can put something together - I will do so. 

Maybe I'll try now - to see what comes as a 'first-impression' kind of thing, and then maybe repeat the process at a later time, to see how it changes after contemplation:

I'll give it a go:

Curiosity: I am definitely 'curious' - as a small child I watched TV avidly, read books, all to find out about life and experiences - seemed very important to me, and it still is - people interest me so much.  I have a lot of curiosity.

Compassion - I think I became a parentified child from an early age - and that I was 'caring' 'for' my parents - trying to make them 'happy' - trying to be compassionate to their thoughts, their feelings, and also to anyone I related to - I trusted my FOO, I didn't realise that they were hiding things from me, that they were keeping things secret.  I feel I was too 'compassionate' if anything.  I wish I'd been wiser.  I still feel compassionate as an adult - towards people, but I feel I lack some compassion for myself - sometimes I am harsh towards myself and my abilities.   My compassion turns outwards, but I need more for myself.

Clarity - I relate to what you said about 'clarity' being steeped in chaos, confusion and contradiction - as my childhood experiences were bizarre really.  Bizarre is not the right word.  I just don't know how to describe it - but those words do capture the flavour of it well.  I 'seek clarity' - but having just snippets of memory - and recognising that alot of it is pre-verbal for me, makes clarity very hard to find.  Any narrative of my childhood is very much what my parents have 'told me' - but they lied to me about things, and so it's hard.  I suspect that clarity is going to be challenging, but I am hopeful that befriending the wounded parts, and getting more snippets of communications from them, building those up over time, will maybe add some clarity to things.  I hope so.

Calm - I know what you mean about this being hard to access - but for me personally, I do find calm - it comes and it goes - I can't always 'control' it - because of being hijacked by EF's and triggered etc, but I am beginning to do more 'mindful' kind of things - and I also found that doing 'dot-to-dots' is very calming for me!  Maybe engaging a different part of my brain.  I also do the movement of the finger from side to side - which I think they do in eye movement desensitization - and I think that does something positive for me, and calms me.  I was reading more of the book yesterday and found that my inner wounded parts were upset - and I put my hand on my stomach to calm myself, and the touch was calming.  That made me feel very reassured.

Creativity - I feel stuck when it comes to 'creativity' - I would like to draw, paint, create, sew, but I feel like I can't start these things - I am really stuck.  I need to work on this - but I am fearful somehow.  I don't understand why - but I really want to be creative and express that side of myself.

Courage - I 'can' be brave sometimes - especially when the stronger parts of me are 'driving me' - they can get me through all kinds of situations, when I'm feeling stronger - but if the more wounded and upset parts of me are 'driving me' then I can end up afraid like a hermit, and not able to face things at all.  I am really contrasting in that respect. 

Commitment - I do feel committed to life and living, and to getting through this.  I have a lot of hope and optimism, so I am committed.

Connection - being dissociated a lot of the time, even moment to moment, then connection really is compromised for me.  But I am trying to focus on things like 'watching a TV programme and understanding what's going on' - reading something and trying to keep track of what it's about - coping with engaging with friends when I see them - even though I'm usually dissociated for the first 20 minutes of any interaction - my connection is definitely something to try to work on - it comes and goes, moment to moment.

Whobuddy - this has been more helpful than I thought - I am amazed I can write all that - but the thing is - today - I feel stronger, and it's like a more competent part of me is 'in control' today - and so here I am - talking a lot.

Glad I could answer these questions - and thank you for sharing your replies, and being here in this thread.

I would imagine that our replies to these questions will adapt over time, and depending on where we are in our journeys of trying to make sense of life and our selves.

Hope 

[DecimalRocket]

Hi Whobuddy and Hope. Mind if I join? I don't have the book, but I still think I could contribute some ideas.

There's a similar concept in mindfulness that reminds me of the Cs being innate. It's the metaphor of clouds covering the skies representing your thoughts and feelings. The clouds might be there. It might be raining or snowing. It might have thunder or strong winds, but behind them is the clear calm of the sky.

Like this analogy, maybe they don't mean in that the calm or the other Cs is actually active in your life. But covered behind the negatives in your life. This is strange, because we don't always see removing negatives as making a positive. In a farm, if you remove some bad apples, it doesn't mean you have good apples. Here though, it actually points to the idea that you don't have to force yourself to 'look'  for the good apples, but in naturally shedding what's bad, the good will be already there.


....

Can I join with the 8Cs reflection though?

Curiosity : It's pretty much my most definable trait. I think I can get interested in about anything if I wanted to, unless it's dangerous or something like that.

Compassion : I'm getting more like this as I participate in this forum. It seems though I have some negative flashbacks around it - since my mom was often very strict with being "kind" and "polite". Kindness was something I saw as something you "should" do or punishment will happen, than actually something I want to do. So it's still awkward to me to be "kind" sometimes, I guess.

Clarity : This is the thing I'm best in with the Cs but sometimes I think I overindulge it. I have lots of knowledge, and not always the courage to use it or feel strongly motivated about it. Interesting to think that a C can be overused than just underused. Many people's goal in life is to gain knowledge to gain experience. My purpose in life on the other hand is to gain experience so I can gain knowledge.

Calm : I'm not the best with this and not that terrible with it either. I can be high strung really with my overactive mind really, but in other times I can relax with my thoughts, sometimes even relax without my thoughts - which is new to me. I guess I get calmer as time passes.

Creativity : I'm pretty good in making ideas and have tried creative fiction, singing and drawing before. I guess I find a certain pleasure in more scientific creativity - which is when a person imagines several possibilities on why something might work, find an unconventional way to explain or experiment on an idea or find an original way to apply a concept.   

Courage : It depends on the situation. Courage for emotional vulnerability? Well, I can hardly open up to people emotionally at all in real life. Courage to take risks? Sometimes. Courage to be willing to admit mistakes and change beliefs? Very. I think the different Cs can be different levels in different areas of life.

Committed : I'm very committed and find it easy to focus. I never make a schedule or a step to step plan, but I follow through with something essential to my life everyday. It tends to tie in with a very strong curiosity about improving. So it's interesting how different Cs can affect each other too.

Connection : I've been feeling this more, though I still dissociate too. When my emotions were much more numbed, I saw connection as something that pains you. Worrying about their lives, fearing them leaving, having to cause conflicts and so on. It seemed so. . . troublesome. But I've learned otherwise strongly today, though the flashbacks to those times still makes me numb to that at times.

Good luck with all of you, even those who aren't posting anything. 

[Hope67]

Hi Decimal Rocket,
to you, and I'm so glad you've joined us here, and that you've shared your Reflections - I am going to come back later today and read what you wrote - right now I'm rushing about doing things at home, but I am hoping to have some time later to read through what you wrote, and I'm looking forward to that. 

I really think it helps to share reflections like this, and I'm so glad you joined us here.  Whobuddy and a few others are reading this book - I know FenStarshimmer is possibly still waiting for her copy to come from the library, and maybe there are others out there who are also reading - and the fact you've joined us here, it's really great. 

I asked Kizzie if she could include the book in the ones that are sold with a discount, for us, and she agreed she would include it.  So that's exciting.  I am grateful to Kizzie for that.

Hope 

p.s.  Decimal Rocket, I haven't read what you wrote yet, but I will do later, when I have a bit more time to focus.   

[Hope67]

Hi again,
Decimal Rocket - I said I'd be back to read what you wrote, but I know I won't be able to do that till another day, due to how this day is turning out.  But I wanted to pop back and explain that - because for me, a trigger that really wounds my 'Little Hope' is when someone 'says they'll do something and then doesn't do it' - and I don't want to do that to anyone else - i.e. promise something and then not be there to do it.

So I just wanted to say that, and I do intend to read the post - when I can - but I can't do it today.

You may not even see this reply - it might not be a trigger that bothers you in the same way as it does me, but I just wanted to explain why I didn't do what I had hoped to do.

Hope 

[Hope67]

Hi again - I wanted to come back and read what you wrote, Decimal Rocket, and I have to say I'm impressed by your ideas about the clouds being a metaphor.  I guess I hadn't really thought about 'what' the C's represent - just that they were a list to consider - but I think they must be more meaningful than that - like a core structure to hold together all the wounded parts - a substance with meaning behind it. 

I also think that I need to spend more time re-reading things that people have written, because I am well aware that I 'miss things' or my concentration doesn't allow me to 'see things' - and that each time I can re-read something, I can hopefully get something new from it, and see yet another perspective or way of thinking about something that hadn't been 'open' to me before.

Thank you for sharing your reflections - and for joining in with our discussions here. 

I'm hoping to do some more reading of the book tomorrow - I really hope I get the chance to do that, as each time I read it, I learn something more that is helpful to me.  Even though it is at the same time quite over-whelming to be getting in touch more with different inner wounds and parts of me. 

I admit, I panicked a bit when I didn't get to come back here in the afternoon to read your writing, Decimal Rocket - it was like I felt I was letting you down.  I didn't want to do that.  That was why I came back to tell you I'd pop back later - when I could. 

Anyway, I feel better now.  I hope you are ok yourself.   Hope you had a good day, that it was ok.

Hope 

p.s.  Whobuddy - I hope to be reading the book again soon.  I hope you're ok too.   

[Hope67]

I've ended up reading more, but couldn't 'write here' about it until now - and now I'm on p.204 which is a Chapter called 'Repairing the Past'.  I just wanted to write about a couple of bits that resonated particularly with me. The first is from p.203, where it says:
"When young parts are anxious or distressed, asking clients to place a hand over the heart or chest, or "over the place where you notice the little part's grief" has a calming, regulating effect on most clients and enables them to send a somatic message to the parts: "It's going to be OK - I'm here for you."  This simple intervention reaches below the habits of self-alienation and rejection of the not-me parts.  Non-threatening to most parts, it communicates a caring that clients often have not yet learned to feel toward their young selves."

My thoughts on that are that when I've tried to do it, it really does seem to 'work'.  I feel calmer.

I also relate to what it says on p.204:
"Rachel also found it hard to make the leap from identifying her parts by their feelings of distress, negative thoughts, and physical ailments (headaches, dizziness, fatigure) to engaging with them emotionally.  She could use unblending skills to differentiate her normal life self from the intense reactions of her parts, but she couldn't take the next step.  She could not emotionally connect to them - almost as if there were a wall separating the normal life self and the trauma-related parts".

I think the above sentence does very much encapsulate the 'difficulty' between the intellectualising aspect and the 'feeling part'.  I am trying to get to grips with all of this, and it is a an overwhelming terrain, but I am amazed by what is beginning to 'come out' when I try to connect.  I think it's 'been a wall' in the past - and I can finally begin to break through and connect and hopefully befriend my wounded parts - they are showing me more things - both in my dreams, and in little flashbacks too - snippets of memory - I am grasping those and writing them down, but sometimes they are so fleeting that I don't catch them in time, and then they are woolly and forgotten - so I need to be more disciplined to write them down. 

Feeling stronger today.  Quite like that feeling.

Hope 

[Hope67]

I'm reading p.211 at the moment, and there's some session notes, between someone called 'Carl' and the therapist, and I relate to this part:
"Me: "That's all the more reason why he needs you to stay present and not abandon him by blending with him.  He really needs you to hang in there.  Let him know you're there - with your feelings and your body - make sure he can feel you with him.  Can he?"
Carl: "Yes, he says he can feel me trying..."
Me: "That's really important, huh?  He can feel that you are there and you are trying, and that's new for him.  No one even tried to do that for him before..."

(The above dialogue is in relation to Carl's experiences of his wounded inner child, the little boy.   I also relate to what was said by the therapist on p.212, towards the end of their dialogue:

Me: "The key is making him a priority, just as you would if you adopted a child of your own.  You would keep him in mind from the time you woke up in the morning to the time you went to bed at night.  You would wonder, 'How's my little boy doing?'  Try that.  And if you forget to do that, make sure you apologise to him!"

My own reflections on this are that I would like to try to be more present for my inner child - and I will try to do that for the remainder of this week - as well as keeping an eye out for the various other 'inner wounded parts' that I have been beginning to notice.  But I think that focusing on the little Hope part, who is young and needs my support, as a priority for the moment, as otherwise I think I'll be too over-whelmed.  I am already a bit worried about whether other parts will be upset by my stating that here - so I'll 'keep the door open' so they can each and everyone have a look in, as and when they want to.  Just as a compensation to know that my door is literally always open to them...

Hope 

[Hope67]

I've just copied and pasted what I wrote in another thread, to also be here, as it's related to this book, that I'm doing this:

In the other thread, which is about 'Acknowledging Different Wounded Parts', I wrote:
WhoBuddy - thinking of you when I write this, because I am finding that it is quite amazing how many snippets of memory and how much the different parts of me seem to be 'communicating with me' now - that I've started the process of focusing on my different parts - I have started to do the Communication Circle exercise in Janina's book, and I've only done it a couple of times, but now I am going to make it a daily practice, because although I didn't experience 'much' when I first did it, I have found that in the hours 'afterwards' - my parts keep showing me things.

What I've noticed is that just as parts have 'shown' me something, there also appears to be a part that acts as a 'part to rub out the memories again' - which makes it hard to capture them for later thinking about - and I know that I tend to 'forget' any things that are emotionally upsetting - or which might be upsetting to some particular part of me - it's as if there's a protector part who 'rubs things out' - and I thought about what SanMagic had said to me when she commented that I don't have a pen and paper by my bed, because maybe the protector part of me is resistant or actually doesn't want me to necessarily remember some things yet - as it believes I can't cope or tolerate it.

But I am feeling more comfortable about the 'process' now - whereas last week I would have described myself as being 'thrown about' by the 'roller-coaster' aspect of things, as I found it hard not to blend with the emotional parts, and now I am finding that I can distance safely, and begin to try to connect and communicate.  I feel like I 'know' a bit better what I'm doing - although it is clearly early days in it.

I just wanted to share that here, and hope that you read this - as I think you do pop back to this thread, and also the 'book thread' too - I just wondered if you have experienced a similar process - which of the Appendices are you relying on most?  I like all of the methods she suggests, and I guess I try each of them from time to time, but the circular meditation is one that I think I can do daily.

Hope  "

To just write a bit more - I have actually finished this book - and I feel like I can dip back into it to look back on different parts that I noted as important, and I can especially use the Appendices to work on connecting with my wounded and fragmented inner parts. 

I felt over-whelmed for so long - the last few weeks really - but today I feel calmer.  I feel like I 'understand' more what I'm doing - I hope this feeling will stay a while, as I like it.

It's having a 'framework' that makes sense finally - it really does.  I literally have more 'Hope' which reflects my name, and what I 'hoped' for.

This book is triggering emotionally - but in a good way, as it really makes me feel that the writer 'understands'. 

At the end of the final chapter, entitled "Safety and Welcome" - there is a quote by someone called 'L'Engle, 1972, which says
"I am still every age that I have been.  Because I was once a child, I am always a child.  Because I was once an adolescent, given to moods and ecstasies, these are still part of me, and always will be...  This does not mean that I ought to be trapped or enclosed in any of these ages... but that they are in me to be drawn on... my past is part of what makes the present... and must not be denied or rejected."

This makes sense to me.  I'm going to work hard not to deny or disown the wounded parts of myself, and work on connecting and understanding them - I think it is a positive way forward.

Hope