Dpression, feeling trapped and in need of a bunch of pharmaceuticals

[Camerlenga]

Dear fellow fighters for sanity,

the definition of sanity seems to shift lately. 

Currently I'm in a situation I can't escape. I have to deal with family members who are entitled to their opinions. Which they excessively make use of.   ;-)

I can't make them agree and they can't make me... The conflict will be sveltering for a long time from now on. No escape.

What that does to me: In the previous weeks I felt rather ill due to having to de-hoard a family member's house. My lungs didn't like that at all.

I'm almost sixty and my lungs are not my only health problem.

My joints as well behave as if their expiration dates have been reached.

So lately I couldn't sleep and felt lousy all day. Barely could function.

What I have taken up lately is to take anti-inflammation drugs against the joint pain, red wine (moderate amounts) and yesterday even a Benzodiazepine to sleep.

Today I feel ok even relaxed as to the conflicts that of course haven't disappeared.

And I'm quite willing to feel like that every day even if it means daily drug use.

I even gave up on staying slim. I now visit the gym to get the amount of exercise that is beneficial to my joints. I will use Benzodiazepine to sleep, probably healthier than half a bottle of red wine that works as well.

And my lungs probably will require Cortisone to be able to stand the molds of fall and having to enter the hoarded house.
If they make me fat I can't change that presently. The silver lining would be that could get me to clear out my wardrobe, to get rid of garments I will probably never again be able to wear.

In short, I'm really getting old. And putting up with it.

What I'm working on is staying assertive in the unavoidable conflicts and stopping JADEing to family members as I had been used to do for decades. Much hard work laying in front of me.

Sorry for the rant. I suppose I'm not alone. I don't feel inadaequate any more when getting for myself what I need to cope, even if that's a bunch of medications I would have skipped in former times.

Probably many of you have similar experiences?

[schrödinger's cat]

Not with de-hoarding a house, no. But with pacing myself, yes. I had a time when I was very convinced I had to change ALL THE THINGS right NOW. It was surprising how quickly that drained me. PFFFFFT, energy gone. I think it's made worse by how the media portrays things. You get all these websites and so on giving you lists of "ten things you can do to (get healthy / sleep through the night / have more energy)" and so on. And of course that made it easy to think I have to do everything at the same time.

Then I read some book that basically said: Do you want to get straight As in every single area of your life? How realistic is that? Do you even need it? It's perfectly fine to aim for a C. - I found that funny. So now, when I'm feeling guilty about something I'm not too good at, I sometimes tell myself: "woman, it's fine, it's a good C." Better to pick which things I actually want an A in.

Sorry to hear that you've got to expose yourself to irritants to a point where you might end up having to take Cortisone. I know very little about pharmaceuticals, but I have this vague memory of someone telling me that Cortisone has a lot of side-effects.

[keepfighting]

Dear fellow fighters for sanity,

I like that a lot and hi right back at you!  Nice to meet you!

I am sorry to read about all your health issues on top of having to deal with the insane elements of your FOO/FOC (?). It all just adds up, doesn't it?

Glad the meds are helping (some). A good night's sleep is so precious, I've come to value it above a good meal (....because a good meal isn't as rare to me as a good night's sleep is...).

Like you, I've stopped obsessing about my weight and taken up exercising instead. It is very beneficial to my overall sense of wellbeing, and it is also a good 'flight'-response when all the craziness is getting too overwhelming. Dubble plus!

Best wishes in your journey to getting stronger in dealing with your family. It sounds like you've started taking a lot of steps already.

kf

[Camerlenga]

Thank you all very much for your nice and warm hellos.

I'm looking very much forward to talking to you about issues nobody around me except my T can relate to. 

A good night's sleep is so precious, I've come to value it above a good meal (....because a good meal isn't as rare to me as a good night's sleep is...).

So very true, keepfighting. Exactly how I see things. Good sleep is THE one thing you can't buy. Of course you can buy meds but they don't do you much good.

Like you, I've stopped obsessing about my weight and taken up exercising instead. It is very beneficial to my overall sense of wellbeing, and it is also a good 'flight'-response when all the craziness is getting too overwhelming. Dubble plus!

I think that is a very healty point of view. :-)  I too move to stay movable (if that makes sense) but who has problems with joints will get me. And to raise my mood. That luckily always works.

And I don't see any reason to still strive for bodily outlines that 18 year old have. I'll shortly be sixty and I think I should be allowed to look it. My psyche is more important.

Cat, that

It's perfectly fine to aim for a C.

is a Thing one can't stress too often.     I recently Keep learning it because I've taken up Music, to learn to Play an Instrument. Hard work at my Age.

Better to pick which things I actually want an A in.

Very good Point of view. Stress your strengthes and don't waste time to Change perfectly normal mediocrity in other Areas.
I handle things the same way.
Much to the distress of my DH, a perfectionist.
From a quite disfunctional Family too. You get the Picture. 

Forgive me for my spelling. My browser insists of correcting and is responsible for all those big capital letters. I can't get him to think English and gave up on correcting "him". *sigh*