I am a person! Yay!!

[I like vanilla]

I had my regular appointment with my T yesterday.

I was feeling good because in the last little while I had been practising boundaries and assertiveness, coincidentally including having heated discussions with two friends (separate times) where we disagreed about ideas that were fairly important to us but then were still friends afterward. This is a new development for me and terrifying because when I was growing up disagreeing with, ahem, 'loved ones' (my FOO, especially abusive parents) meant isolation, derision, punishment, and abandonment. To disagree with friends was tremendously difficult because I was scared they would leave me as a result, but I thought having my own Self was more important so I had those discussions.

During my discussions with my T, out of the blue, I responded to one of his questions with 'Because I am a Person'. Then realized that I absolutely meant it, and that I had never, not ever, said that before in such a way and never, not ever, have I believed it so firmly. I could tell from the look on my T's face that he had realized that too. I took a moment to feel that and let it settle (feeling feelings is a huge part of the therapy I am doing now) and realized that I believe that I am a Person in my whole being. Every part of me is happy with that idea. I have boundaries, and thoughts, and feelings, and ideas, and successes, and mistakes, and Being that belong to me, and just to me. Because I am a Person.

I am a Person.

And it feels good.

I am a Person.

[woodsgnome]

  That is a huge discovery. Congratulations. 

I'm reminded of a similar happening with my T; I was just rambling one day, and she stopped me cold, saying..."Do you realize that's the first good thing you've ever said about yourself?" It is a wonder-full discovery. Congrats again!

   

[Three Roses]

Then realized that I absolutely meant it, and that I had never, not ever, said that before in such a way and never, not ever, have I believed it so firmly. I could tell from the look on my T's face that he had realized that too. I took a moment to feel that and let it settle (feeling feelings is a huge part of the therapy I am doing now) and realized that I believe that I am a Person in my whole being. Every part of me is happy with that idea. I have boundaries, and thoughts, and feelings, and ideas, and successes, and mistakes, and Being that belong to me, and just to me. Because I am a Person.

I am a Person.

I'm so happy for you!!! 

[hereforhope]

That's great to hear! This was such a joy to read. Those simple words sure mean a lot...

Thank you for sharing this awesome breakthrough, showing us what can be done!

[sanmagic7]

kudos to you, vanilla.  that's so great.  love hearing this.  big hug.

[Andyman73]

You person you!!!! That's so awesome!!!! 

[Phoebes]

 

YESSSS!! You ARE a person!!!

"I took a moment to feel that and let it settle (feeling feelings is a huge part of the therapy I am doing now) and realized that I believe that I am a Person in my whole being. Every part of me is happy with that idea. I have boundaries, and thoughts, and feelings, and ideas, and successes, and mistakes, and Being that belong to me, and just to me. Because I am a Person."

Your post is really encouraging and uplifting-thank you for sharing in that way- what a great way to rewire our previous brainwashed neural pathways.

We are PEOPLE!