Small betrayals, and large

[Rainagain]

OK,
I have a hyper vigilant thing, I am alert for threat and sort of prepared to react.

But the hyper vigilance seems to be a very fine mesh net with me, it picks up on small betrayals or unkindness directed toward me just as much as larger more important threat.

I am pretty sure someone I have helped a lot put blame on me today for something they themselves had done. They did it to save face and to avoid criticism. It eased a social situation for them at the time, under the bus I went without a second thought.

Now, its not a big deal really, their face saving small betrayal helped them out of a situation they were embarrassed about and hasn't caused me much real harm.

But I am worked up and furious inside because part of me takes a zero tolerance approach to threats like this whatever their nature.

I don't have much energy and have put quite a bit of it into helping this person, I feel this small injustice very keenly.

And I will be back helping them tomorrow.

A healthy mind would not be bothered, but mine isn't healthy.

[Three Roses]

I'm not sure of the accuracy about a healthy mind not being bothered. Healthy people get their feelings hurt, too, and feel the disrespect of a reaction like this - IMO, the difference is their boundaries.

Where I will want to bury the hurt and pretend it doesn't bother me, I think a healthy person feeling disrespected like this wouldn't  avoid having an honest conversation. Maybe they'd lose a friend, or maybe they'd deepen the friendship. Who knows? 

[Rainagain]

Maybe that's the fundamental point 3R.

Boundaries.

What is acceptable and what is not.

Its so exhausting to try to stop getting done over by thoughtless people.

[Contessa]

I'm sorry that happened Rainagain. Have you learned for sure that you were thrown under?

I'm not sure of what the context is, perhaps it might be worth clarifying with the thrower? Acknowledge that you can see why it was beneficial to diffuse a situation, however you're not keen on receiving consequences for errors made by other people?

Could be opportune to nip this in case throwing you under becomes a habit.

This might be an over the top suggestion or way off the mark.

[Rainagain]

Sound advice people.

I went back to help but also told my truth.

It wasn't pretty, the other person is difficult for anyone to deal with, but I stood up to the usual tactics of denial, prevarication, lies, subject changes, retaliatory accusations, everything but the kitchen sink.

This person got more and more frantic as I did not accept the lies and distortions and eventually became tearful, a tactic of last resort I'm afraid.

I realise now it is the only way to be heard, to stand firm and argue each rubbish point as it is thrown down.

Previously I've said my piece but not engaged with the nonsense.

I can't do this every day with this person, it was upsetting and exhausting even though the result was good. Need to reduce contact.

Excellent advice, thank you.

[Contessa]

That sounds full on RA. Too much emotional drama for something you did not instigate.

Reducing contact seems like the best response.

[Rainagain]

Exactly Contessa,

Some people seem to always cause upset, but that is their stuff, I can't be doing with it.