maybe just rude?

[Blueberry]

I've had something in my mind on and off for a few days. Emotional abuse? Nah, can't be. Just rude, maybe. Or verbal abuse?

I was setting off somewhere with B2 and his FOC and while settling in and putting seatbelt on, I spoke, forgetting that one of the littles was meant to be having her nap during the drive. I probably would have stopped in like a minute max, and the LO didn't even have her eyes closed at that point nor had the car started...

SIL2 turned round in her seat and made a very plain non-verbal gesture which said "Shut the * up" in capital letters. And I don't mean anything toned down, polite like putting her finger to her lips. No, this was a full-on "Shut the * up".

I can understand parents being annoyed when they're trying to create an atmosphere conducive to littles falling asleep and someone talks or otherwise makes a noise, but this seemed so OTT and so early on, and what irks me is: SIL2 would never have done this to B1 or my M, though both are a lot louder than me and like to be the focal point, so might well have been talking and laughing loudly while settling in. Well, I am the scapegoat and SIL2 will either consciously know that or else sense it. If so inclined, you can do what you like to scapegoats in their abusive setting, which is FOO in my case.

I feel kind of dumb writing this here, but I'm going to leave it anyway.

P.S. This was a while ago, Idk why it's upfront in my head rn. I don't have contact with SIL2 anymore and VVVLC with B2.

[sanmagic7]

sounds to me like it was simply unnecessary, over the top, and inappropriate.  beyond rude.  if she wouldn't have done that to others, than there's no excuse for doing that to you.  what a bleccch.  glad she's basically out of your life.  you don't need that crapola. 

[ah]

SIL2 would never have done this to B1 or my M, though both are a lot louder than me and like to be the focal point, so might well have been talking and laughing loudly while settling in.
Well, I am the scapegoat and SIL2 will either consciously know that or else sense it. If so inclined, you can do what you like to scapegoats in their abusive setting, which is FOO in my case.

I think that's a perfect way to put it.

Also, in my experience, as I try to think of cptsd I remember smaller and smaller incidents that at the time didn't strike me as unusual, but in retrospect they do. This is a sign of growing awareness, I think, a good sign.

Yeah, she sounds like the right person for no more contact... 

[Blueberry]

Thank you san and ah both for validation. I guess the point is the whole situation in my FOO is emotionally abusive and somebody so inclined can join in, and does. My other SIL doesn't. She wouldn't act in this inappropriate way. She might have raised a hand, pointed to little kid, and said "Please!"

Also, in my experience, as I try to think of cptsd I remember smaller and smaller incidents that at the time didn't strike me as unusual, but in retrospect they do. This is a sign of growing awareness, I think, a good sign.

You're right, it's growing awareness, and a good sign, though painful too sometimes.  that we're both this far in healing.