The More I Delve Into Therapy For CPTSD, The More My Eating Disorder Comes Out

[plantsandworms]

Before I came into therapy for my C-PTSD I would vacillate between extreme highs and lows - during the highs I would operate extremely productively and during the lows I would have periods of chronic daily binge eating and severe acid reflux. Now that I'm in therapy I feel like I'm a low-level triggered state pretty much at all times, and I feel like my binge eating disorder has become a constant (if slightly reduced) state. I brought my eating disorder up to my therapist only once, but in her response I could tell that she wasn't very equipped to help me with this particular issue. I've been trying to find a supplemental resource for my eating disorder, like an eating disorder informed nutritionist or counselor, but none in my area take my insurance. I'm wondering if anyone here has tips for coping with disordered eating when triggered or working through heavy stuff? Thanks!

[bogan]

wow  I have been always told that my eating disorder was part of depression or that I just lacked disipline, makes sense it is part of the CPTSD, I dont feel so bad about it now. Thanks

[plantsandworms]

Hi bogan, YES!! I definitely consider my eating disorder to be symptomatic of my C-PTSD diagnosis. I know for me that my disordered eating began in childhood, when my parents would call me fat and disgusting regardless of my size or eating habits. When they weren't berating me, they were neglecting me - and I began to develop emotional binge eating out of feelings of being unloved and uncared for. I am so glad my post has been able to bring you some comfort in that regard.

[ah]

Plantsandworms,

I'm so sorry your eating disorder is coming out more and more. It must be really rough and leave you feeling so helpless, but it also makes perfect sense, I think... the pain you feel comes out through another outlet but it's all from the same source.

I'm sorry I can't offer and information, I've kind of been dealing with mine my whole life without getting help so I don't have resources. I do notice though that reading about cptsd, trauma, and especially reading about shame (and toxic shame) seems to reduce it a bit for me. It seems to be closely linked to shame for me. And self loathing. And self punishment. So the more I understand how these work in my body and my mind, I feel I have a bit more wiggle room to still feel all my pain but also resist it for a bit longer, talk back to it, that sort of thing.

My wild guess is if we got eating problems out of the way some new symptom might pop up in their place. 

You're not alone.
And I agree with you completely it seems to be part of cptsd. Part of the long term results of abuse.

[I got this]

How are you getting on now? Im not sure if this will help you, but as soon as my doc suggested cptsd I felt a relief of acknowledgement.  I read heaps about it (Pate Walker book) and felt like the final jigsaw piece had been slotted in.  Alongside talking to some great professionals (maybe your therapist isnt the right one?), my doc gave me a very very low dose of topirimate (25 mg at night) as its good for addictive behaviours, a mood stabiliser and can make you a bit drowsy for sleep, alongside 1.5mg melatonin every night.  Its all worked a treat for me.  I go to tai chi classes as well as theyre good for slow breathing and calm movement.  Im not binging at all.  I just stopped.  But ill never know if it was the acknowledgement, the realisation of ptsd taking the internal pressure off, the meds, or the talking that did it.  Or all of the above.