I'm too sensitive

Started by Dee, March 15, 2018, 10:12:51 PM

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Dee


This week I had my feelings really hurt twice.  Once today and once earlier in the week.

I've been doing some fundraising to help homeless vets.  Doing this it puts me working with an organization of mostly older gentlemen in a veteran organization.  One of the men hit on me, he wasn't exactly subtle either.  It was an offer I couldn't refuse (sarcasm here) he said that he would love to get to together with me when his wife is at work.  He also paid a lot of attention to me in front of others.  I told him no.  There is one female who works there and I think I have become the subject of a joke behind my back.  Sometimes people are just not as discrete as they think.  I caught it today.  I looked up to see her make a gesture towards me and one of the guys told her "your bad."  This was after the guy I turned down said something to me.  I have a commitment tonight and then I'm done.  Yet, I'm deeply hurt.  I was trying to get myself out there.  The joke may have been about him, but it doesn't matter.

When I worked I always had my feeling hurt.  Since I retired it has been nice to have a reprieve.  Now, I'm trying to get out there it is happening again.

The other thing is the retreat that I was suppose to be the peer mentor for never contacted me about going this month even though they asked me and even sent me to training.  When I went as a peer mentor in training I was really sick with the flu and tried to pretend I wasn't.  To say the least I wasn't very good, I had a 103 degree fever.  I was suppose to go at the end of the month.  They just never contacted me.  I should of had plane tickets by now and I've heard nothing.  I was on the fence anyway because this retreat was for sexual trauma and I was worried I wasn't ready.  Still, it would of been a courtesy to contact me.

radical

I don't believe you are too senstive, Dee.  I believe you are a beautiful person who deserves kindness and resepct.
You don't deserve to be sexually harrassed and bullied and you deserve the courtesy of being told about the retreat you had volunteered your time for.
These are non-negotiable, are about having your dignity and humanity respected and it is natural you would feel hurt.  It is not you who is wrong. Is this how you would wish someone dear to you to be treated?

All I can say is I'm sorry this happened.  it's so hard to "get back out there" and being treated so disrespectfully, makes it so much harder.  You have been courageous in facing the fears, in putting yourself out there.  You deserved so much better.


Three Roses

I totally agree with radical. You're not too sensitive!

Hitting on women is rude. It's disrespectful no matter how you look at it. To be offended by disrespect is not being overly sensitive, it's just common sense.

Dee


I did get something from one of the people from the retreat today.  She said obviously I had something going on last time and apologized for not being there for me.  She had no idea that no one contacted me about this retreat.  Without talking to me they decided I wasn't in a good place and couldn't be a mentor.  She also didn't realize what I had going on was just being really, physically, sick.  She said she is surprised I wasn't contacted and is going to look at what happened.  When I left in January they were all saying we will see you in March.  I told her that.  She seemed surprised.  This was in text messages and said I could call her.  Maybe this weekend.  I am so hurt, I don't know if I want to.

The guy that hit on me has left me alone.  He accepted my no.  It's the inside jokes that hurts.

I just feel once again I didn't do anything wrong.  It isn't my fault, but I keep getting the blame.  The blame for having the flu and the blame for a guy hitting on me.  It brings a lot back to me.  It wasn't my fault as a kid but I was blamed, so tired of it, so hurt.

Blueberry

 :hug: :hug:  :'(  :'( for your hurt.

I echo radical.

Also, those other people from the retreat, at the vet organisation... maybe they are too insensitive to other people's feelings??

I believe "too sensitive" is a concept from the past, something FOO members and other abusers said to us to deny us our feelings of pain, outrage and whatever else we would have expressed. It was a way of putting us down and shutting us up. Making us believe we were the problem, not the abuse was the problem.

Standing with you through the jokes. I know, that kind of stuff really hurts.  :hug:

Dee


I have to say the organization came a long way to make amends today.  The woman who contacted me also contacted the president and vice president.  They both contacted me and apologized.  There was a break down of communication.  They invited me back in April, but I have a commitment with my son.  I am driving with him to his first duty station.  I was honest in my communication, how hurt I have been, and how touched I am that they have tried to remedy the situation.  I also took responsibility for not communicating how sick I was.  I tried to be the bigger person, it was hard.  I wanted to just hide and not return phone calls or emails, but I didn't do that. 

BB, you know my mom has always accused me of being too sensitive.  I actually used her words.  When I was ever upset or tried to say anything she said I was being too sensitive.  I can't believe I used her language!  I didn't even realize.

Three Roses

I see a ton of new realizations and growth in you!  :cheer: :hug:

DecimalRocket

Yeah. A lot of our pain comes from EFs we didn't know were there. It gets confusing for me too.  :Idunno:

Take care, Dee.

sanmagic7

dee, i agree with everyone else on this.

i'm also glad that they've tried to make amends with you, glad you were able to be more honest with them about yourself.  glad they took responsibility for the communication breakdown.  their fault, not yours.  people hitting on you, also their fault, not yours.  that blaming crapola is from foo or other people not wanting to take responsibility for their own actions.

example - glass of milk on the table.  someone gets mad about something/anything, begins yelling and waving their arms around, knocks over the glass of milk.  'look what you made me do!' is the first thing that comes out of their mouth.  you didn't make them do anything - they were the ones acting in a way to cause the accident.

we've grown up with so much of that, so constantly, from so many 'authority' figures, that it becomes ingrained within us that any time something 'bad' happens, it must be our own fault.  well, it isn't, not necessarily.  it's rare (to me) to see someone be accountable for their own actions.  easier for them to try to pin it on someone else.

we're diamonds, tho, so those pins don't have to stick in us anymore.  precious jewels of the hardest, most brilliant kind.  very sorry you had to go thru any of this, dee.  i'm glad that guy has respected your no, and making fun of people behind their backs is just plain mean and nasty.  that's on them, too.  big warm loving hug to you, sweetie.

Blueberry

Quote from: Three Roses on March 17, 2018, 05:59:58 AM
I see a ton of new realizations and growth in you!  :cheer: :hug:

:yeahthat:  A ton!  :cheer: :cheer: :cheer:

Blueberry

Quote from: Dee on March 17, 2018, 03:41:53 AM
BB, you know my mom has always accused me of being too sensitive.  I actually used her words.  When I was ever upset or tried to say anything she said I was being too sensitive. 

Yes, well, FOO told me I was being 'too sensitive' all the time too. I used to say it about myself as well.  :hug: