Trumped Out

[Kizzie]

I am Trumped out.  And before I go on to explain/vent, let me say it isn't his politics as I am Canadian, it's his character (or lack thereof),  and the fact that he has malignant Narcissistic Personality Disorder and is in such a position of power.   I know there are those who say you shouldn't diagnose someone unless you're a mental health professional treating the person, but anyone who has been parented by, lived with, and/or worked with an N, knows blindfolded exactly who and what they're dealing with when they encounter one.  I have Complex PTSD because of NPD in my family, I have been up close and personal with it for 6 decades and my body, heart and mind know very, very clearly what Trump is.  For me it is fact that he has NPD.

I was so depressed knowing what was coming after his inauguration, it took me a few days to be able to get out of bed.  Every day since then I have felt   like I am in danger of being sucked back down into the black hole that is N behaviour with no escape in sight. I finally stopped watching the news because like being around my family, the constant, unrelenting N behaviour made it hard to think or feel anything except despair.   I do still watch a number of different comedians when they do a spiel about Trump or his FM's because it does send a message somewhere deep inside that I am not alone in how I feel.  I also read news articles from credible sources that lay out the facts of his lies, obfuscations, etc., so  I reinforce to myself that others do see reality..  And I follow the Mueller investigation closely because I am hoping he will bring Trump down. 

These things do help, but even so there are days when I  just want to cry and cry for myself and for everyone that is being affected and damaged by Trump.  It is just so very sad and wrong all around.  In reading Pete Walker's blog article this week,  I realized that perhaps crying is exactly what I need to do for poor younger me who did not even get to knit a pink protest hat ( I knit quite a few of them last year  ), when she was trapped and traumatized by my parents' NPD, and needs to be comforted and reassured. 

[Cookido]

You are not alone in being Trumped out! I'm glad to live in a country where most people realise what a danger he is. I think it sounds good to avoid news about him, if it is a trigger. Some things are just too difficult to get used to and I think he is one of thouse things..

[ah]

I feel the same way.

Where I am, Trump's behavior has had horrible consequences. I doubt he has the faintest clue about any of them, he just marches on with his ... uh, his... N behavior.
I'm not a psychiatrist so of course I can't diagnose anyone but yeah, Trump has NPD. No question about it.

It implies a few sad things. How helpless and clueless our society is when it comes to recognizing N's and knowing how to respond to them, for one thing.
People assume we're all essentially the same, but we aren't. All the people who try to communicate, work with him, reach him assuming he's like them, assuming his mind works like theirs, keep ending up so puzzled and lost because of this basic fact. It leaves me feeling like the little kid in the emperor's new clothes.

I think talking to a N is a bit like trying to talk to an eel covered in soap bubbles. There's never anything to hold on to, the N and you just aren't even in the same universe. 

I watch comedians who talk about Trump, just like you, but really can't bear to see or hear him in person. Whenever they show little clips of him I instantly disengage, it just triggers me too much.
So does Putin with his sadistic psychopath body language and eyes.
And a few others too, but Trump is one of the hardest to avoid these days. I have to be super skittish in reading the news, always ready to look away. It's become a habit, closing my eyes / looking away.

People are suffering and dying, real people in the real world who have done nothing to anybody and couldn't get away from the consequences of this mad king's little games.
I wish his actions had as little gravitas as his personality
You're not alone.

[sanmagic7]

o, kizzie, you're not alone.  i am amer., and i can hardly bear knowing how this country has responded to him, all the hatred, bigotry, all the 'ism's', women's issues, etc.  in all my years of being active in amer. politics, i have never seen the likes of this before.

i'm with you - npd all the way.  i stay as far away from the news as possible cuz it makes me feel sick inside as to how many people are responding to him in a positive way!  it makes no sense to me at all, it hurts my heart, and roils my insides.  this is a very sad time for the world, and a very dangerous time as well.  i live in fear now of what this man might do. 

[Kizzie]

Just on my way out  and will post more of a response later but wanted to say tks for your responses, as always here I don't feel so alone any more.

[Jdog]

Each new day brings fresh horrors from the Trump administration.  I have been doing my very best to cope with the challenges of daily life, then layered on top I say this ongoing nightmare.  The final icing on the cake is my extrem anxiety over the threats of school violence.  I teach in a high school, and we have had over a dozen threats in my district since Feb 14th.  Over 70per day nationwide, I am told.  These are extremely triggering to me.  I had a cold for a few weeks, got over it, and it came back in more of a flu last Wednesday,the day of the student walkouts.

I am taken back to a home invasion that happened when I was a baby, wherein my Mother left the house to seek assistance while the invader was in our bathroom.  I am taken back to the scene of a kid in my 6th grade class chasing our teacher around the room with a knife in hand.  I am taken back to two break ins to a home I owned in my 40's, as well as an experience of a creep lurking in the backyard.  I am taken back to a landlord stalking me and my wife just las year.  We bought our own home last summer so that is at least no longer happening.

Trump has no concern for any of us, as evidenced by his letting the inane Betsy De Vos take over school safety efforts.  For anyone who missed her 60 Minutes interview with Leslie Stahl last week, it is so telling.  No efforts to counter the NRA in regards to reducing availability of weapons to young people.  Arming teachers...REALLY?  So now we get to figure out how to keep teachers' guns out of the hands of mentally unstable kids?  And teachers have to shoot at people while making sure not to hit any bystanders accidentally?

What is this nightmare?  When are we allowed to wake up?

[Blueberry]

I'm with cookido on this. I'm lucky to be far away. And I ignore the Trump part of the news. At the same time in the back of my mind I do realise what a danger he is for the whole world. If Trump were in my neighbouring country, it would be harder for me too I think.

Kizzie, good on you for writing about something bothering you personally.      to you and  to Little you who needs comfort and reassurance.

[sanmagic7]

i saw the de vos nightmare with leslie stahl.  she had a horrendous fake smile while evading all the pertinent questions, as if she were a hostess trying to placate a guest.   i could not comprehend - it left my brain reeling.

as with every other malignancy, we will get thru this as best we can, but it is so disturbing on so many levels it's difficult to fathom.    no, kizzie, you are definitely not alone in your feelings and beliefs.

[DecimalRocket]

I'm sorry you're feeling scared about this, Kizzie. Crazy how this happens.

I've heard a lot about Trump. I live far away from the U.S in Asia, but some people compare the president of my country with Trump. Both are sexist, try to live up to some kind of macho ideal, extremely rude and often uses anger in their speeches. I've researched into politics somehow, and in different countries in the world there's been this influx of similar presidents around the world. It's a fascinating but terrible sight.

But from Naomi Klenn's books on this and several other articles I read, thousands of people are trying to fight back. People who have never participated in any activisim in the political sphere are now trying to do what they can to act against it. I remember when Trump tried to ban people from other countries and religions to come into the U.S, hundreds of people crowded the airports shouting, "Let them in!"

Maybe these quotes would help.

"...Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. Any small, calm thing that one soul can do to help another soul, to assist some portion of this poor suffering world, will help immensely. It is not given to us to know which acts or by whom, will cause the critical mass to tip toward an enduring good. What is needed for dramatic change is an accumulation of acts, adding, adding to, adding more, continuing. We know that it does not take everyone on Earth to bring justice and peace, but only a small, determined group who will not give up during the first, second, or hundredth gale..." Clarissa Pinkola Estes

"...One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times. The light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal fires, causes proper matters to catch fire. To display the lantern of soul in shadowy times like these – to be fierce and to show mercy toward others; both are acts of immense bravery and greatest necessity..." Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Other links might help too.

https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2016/11/aaron-sorkin-donald-trump-president-letter-daughter

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/trump-voters-will-not-like-what-happens-next/2016/11/09/e346ffc2-a67f-11e6-8fc0-7be8f848c492_story.html?utm_term=.ecf68c74afee

https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2016/11/van-jones-donald-trump-sanders-clinton-racism/

Take care all. 

[Elphanigh]

Kizzie, you are definitely not alone in these feelings. As a young American woman seeing Trump everyday is very damaging, to recognize what he is creating in this country and the affect it has on other places in the globe. When he got elected me, my roommate, and many close friends fell into a place of depression and grief because we knew what was to happen and we had done all we could to prevent it. Knowing the system is so broken that he could lose by number of votes by a really large chunk, yet still be in charge of our country was painful.

Watching the way he treats issues so close to all of our hearts is devestating. I am just hopeful they can get rid of him. Although if he goes Pence also needs to go, he is far more dangerous.

As a survivor I echo how hard this is. 

[Kizzie]

I ended up watching parts of the Betsy DeVos interview too because they were part of the comedy shows I watch, and once again came away so  triggered. How is it even possible that this woman who has no knowledge of or experience in education be in charge of it?  To be a teacher in the US JDog, I can't even imagine,  It is absolutely insane to think arming teachers is the solution to school violence and she did not even go there, just sat there with an inane smile on her face.  My parents would utter these kinds of insane things and we would have to keep silent or risk their wrath.  So, lots of suppressed anger and the same for Trump as I did not want to talk about it much here because it has been so divisive for so many in the US.

Anyway, re the DeVos interview - I couldn't help but wonder why on earth she even agreed to go on 60 Minutes and what I came up with was depressing .  As with most in the Trump inner circle, I think she truly believes she is smarter than most other people, does have all the answers, and is entitled to be in charge and making changes as she sees fit, without any real consultation with those she will affect.  I could not believe  when Leslie Stohl asked her how she became one of the most hated people in the US and she looked genuinely bewildered.  It was because she was actually bewildered imo; she and other Trumpians are so shielded by their money and have drifted into black and white thinking, none of them are grounded in reality.   

What the whole Trump debacle has brought up for me is deep anger and depression because I just feel so trapped and helpless being subjected to yet another person with NPD and the crazy that is how they think and behave.  I can't get away from him because he's everywhere and so it's hard to go NC like I did with my family. Basically he blots out the sun and I hate it. I am trying though because it has gotten to the point where I have to. 

On the positive side (I do see some hopeful outcomes), I like to believe now the world has been up close and personal with someone in power who has malignant NPD, there will be greater awareness of just how damaging this PD is to others.  And the idea of  damage to others is key. When the editor of the APA DSM scolded psychologists for diagnosing Trump as having NPD, he suggested that mental health professionals must treat a person to determine whether and how the illness/disorder was affecting them.  OMG, no clue that this PD in  particular shields the person from anything negative about themselves  (and from reality), and as a result causes so much damage to others around them.  How is it possible he did not get that!!   Fortunately over 150 psychologists in the US did not accept that and signed a letter outlining their "Duty to Warn" the Congress and Senate about Trump.  I also have some hope lawmakers/politicians and citizens in democratic countries are coming to see how important mental and moral fitness are in their leaders and will consider putting measures in place to assess potential leaders, especially at higher levels before they get into power.

Well, I have a bit of a headache so that is my signal to take a break.  Tks everyone for posting your thoughts, this has helped enormously 

[Jdog]

Kizzie-

Very well put, and I completely agree with all of your comments.  I wasn't afraid I had hijacked you're post by bringing in DeVos, but I did remember that you are also an educator.  You well understand how deeply interconnected the threads are between NPD, hiring an incompetent schlock to handle sensitive school issues, and the dangers to so many of us from so many fronts.

I am also hopeful, though, and it is due to the increased level of local organizing efforts both socially and politically.  A powerful wakeup call has been issued now that folks realize that we all have much to lose (and much to gain through affecting change). 

Rest up, and know that, as others have said, you are far from being alone.

[sanmagic7]

el, i want to agree with you that pence is even more dangerous, and as much as i hate the idea of trump and what he's brought to the table, i'm even more afraid of what pence might bring. 

i had a theory that trump was the one who would be able to get elected, but that it was part of a plan to see that pence eventually became president.  maybe crazy.  i hope so.

what the apa/dsm editor did is a microcosm of what's wrong with the entire dsm arena.  the people who sit on that board don't necessarily have the best interests of mental health as their agenda.  i'm glad the psychologists spoke up - i also signed a petition thru my emdr forum that was related and supportive. 

the only way i get thru this is to narrow my focus as much as possible.  i can't stop what has happened, what continues to happen.  every day there is another insane joke to deal with.  it's extremely depressing, maddening, and ultimately soul-sucking.  we can only stand shoulder to shoulder knowing we are making our own little corner of the world one of caring, kindness, and love.  i continue to breathe knowing that.

hang tough, kizzie - we're hangin' right beside you.

[Kizzie]

Thanks everyone, it's a bit nuts that I do not live in the US even and I am so very triggered by The Donald, but that's the havoc those with NPD inflict on others.  And no worries about highjacking the thread JDog, his whole cabinet, anything he touches or anyone he gets involved with are part of the N-web so it really isn't just him who is affecting me.  My family is the same - N's have a long reach and you're either with them or your against them so it tends up being a whole family and FM N network, a sticky web if you will.

San I agree about the DSM and now even have a conspiracy theory rolling around in my head which doesn't seem so crazy these days. I talked about it elsewhere but it's that the cost to the whole US health system would be enormous if Complex PTSD were ever acknowledged. Thus, I suspect there is ongoing pressure from the health insurance sector and government  not to include it (similar to how the NRA is using its money and influence to shape policy regarding gun control). 

Elph -  I agree Pence totally he needs to go too. He's a mean little man with some truly awful ideas.  Trump's NPD is almost a strength if you will, it allows him to just carry on regardless of consequences just like my nM will go to her grave thinking she was just the best mother ever because her disorder protects her from knowing anything else.  I don't think Pence has that shield (although I have to wonder how anyone who claims to be Christian could be so mean spirited and lacking in humanity), so I don't think he could get away with things like Trump seems to. 

Anyway, I just hope Mueller takes Trump down    and if not him, then US voters.  I personally will do a little dance of joy that the good guys and gals won in the end

[Kizzie]

Have a look at John Oliver trolls Mike Pence with children's book about gay bunny.

This is what keeps me going.  Too funny  ;-)