Hi! I'm Anamiame

[C.]

Welcome anamiame,

I too worked for 20+ years in the Social Work/Prevention field as a home visitor.  Topics ranged from parenting, to parent-child activities, to connecting folks with community resources, setting and working towards goals, etc.  In the prevention field I was surrounded by Therapists.  My ex is a Therapist.  The irony and complexity of working in the field while healing is mind boggling to me.  We know what "tools" are being used, we know the lingo.  Therapists can help people, a lot.  They can also hurt people.  For me I transitioned into another profession when it became too much.  I found helping others who were either avoiding or repeating my negative childhood experiences became too triggering. 
   
I can tell that you like a mental challenge.  Maybe staying in the logic mode helps to avoid unpleasant feelings.  It's also interesting.

Welcome to this site.  I know what you mean about feeling overwhelmed and moved by reading the threads here.  I continue to have that experience.  It's really incredible.  Beyond words.

I admire your willingness to be vulnerable, to recognize your challenge(s) and ask for help.  You've taken many steps forward.   I hope that you can see and celebrate that in yourself.

Welcome.  I look forward to learning here together.

[Anamiame]

Hi C. 

Yeah; you hit the nail on the head!  It's really hard to let down your defenses, especially when you know what it means. 

I've seen my education/career(s) work both for the good and for the not-so-good in my life.  And you are dead on that they can hurt people alot too.  One of the things I have found so frustrating is that it's often a field of 'physician, heal thyself' with the therapists are actually alot sicker than the client. 

Personally, I had well intentioned therapists in the past, but they were not equipped to deal with my particularly deadly combination of depth of trauma, intellect and 'freeze type.'  It wasn't their fault, nor mine.  I've decided to put all my cards on the table so to speak with my T.  I'm going to print out some of the information from here and tell her what I need in order to heal through this.  As everyone here knows all too well, we have what I call our 'radar'; a keen ability to read people in order to keep ourselves safe--and I plan on using it to see if she is familiar with this information as well as how hard this 'journey' will be.  If she's not equipped, it's not a negative on her part at all--*, she's stuck with me for 12 years!  It just means that I would need to find someone who is truly an expert in this area. 

I'm sure you understand this.  Our greatest strength becomes our greatest weakness.   

[C.]

Exactly.  I find that Therapists can trigger me b/c I've had bad experiences.  The good thing about coming from inside the profession is what you've described, an awareness of people's limitations and of what one needs.  I feel so angry when consumers give up on therapy b/c of a bad experience.  It sounds like you have a great plan in mind.  If you'd like to share how things go later on I will be curious to hear how it plays out.  Good luck!

[Anamiame]

C, I know I'm gonna need to debrief after my session on Thursday!  So, depending on the impact, I'll either post or message you if that's okay?

[C.]

Either is fine with me!