Issues with Over/Under Eating - Part 1 (Locked)

[Sceal]

I'm in the same boat as Elphanigh.
But I am on the verge of tears reading this.

[Elphanigh]

 

[artemis23]

Kizzy, I can relate. Overeating is partly a symptom of pain. It's also a cycle that happens with dieting and weight loss/gain and body shame. The science is conclusive, when we restrict something, we end up binging. The idea that we 'shouldn't' eat something tends to make us eat a lot more of it. It's a vicious cycle. It's exhausting. For me, at times, food IS the ONLY or one of the only real comforts/pleasures in my life. How many of us carry shame about pleasure? As a survivor of sexual trauma, I know I do, but all abuse leads to this thing where joy and pleasure get cognitively mixed with shame in some way.

Plus, in today's world where the media tells us what to eat/what not to eat, how to look/how not to look and all that horrible stigma you are talking about, we have forgotten that we are SUPPOSED to enjoy eating, it's one of the greatest pleasures of life. Just some food for thought. 

[Kizzie]

"Food for thought" - love it Artemis 

I remembered reading a book way back when in one of the many programs I attended called "When Food is Love" by Geneen Roth - have you read anything by her?  I seem to remember it did resonate but it wasn't recommended by the program, instead one of the other participants very generously gave us each a copy of it.  The msge of the program we were attending was eat less, exercise more so I drifted way from it like so many others.   I could only do that for a bit and then something inside would take over and I would be off to the races eating for comfort again.  Failure again 

I realized after writing my earlier post that I was able to stick to the various programs for a while because I tapped into the perfectionism I was gifted with by my family.  Hard to attain and sustain though when food represents comfort.  I have always had this sometimes sad, sometimes angry voice in the back of my mind saying, "Do not look at me like I am weak and lack will power, you know nothing about me. I survived abuse, cancer and two knee replacements; quit smoking and drinking; had and raised a wonderful child all while getting my doctorate and moving all as the spouse of a military member; and on and on so don't judge me."  It hurts and brings a lot of shame and feelings of being a failure to the surface. 

I guess I created an island because I didn't want to feel that any more. Now that I am talking about it finally, what is starting to become clear is that one thing I need is much more compassion from self and others 

[Blueberry]

I realized after writing my earlier post that I was able to stick to the various programs for a while because I tapped into the perfectionism I was gifted with by my family. 

Exactly. But perfectionism is very strenuous, so being perfect with my eating, and cooking healthily (ie. at all instead of eating out of a packet) meant I had no energy for anything else. Well, I looked after my Little Furries. But otherwise there was tons of 'normal' stuff where I simply had no energy. Collapse while washing dishes.    at how bad it was.

For me in addition e.g. in inpatient T where I'd stick to the meal regulations for  the eating disorder group, "I'm a good girl." I do what I'm meant to. But it's never worked really long term. Maybe months, or even a couple of years, but the healthier I get emotionally-speaking, the harder it has become to desist from over-eating. (Or also not eating or drinking tea/water). BTW 'meant to' is a lot like 'should' which doesn't work any more for me.

what is starting to become clear is that one thing I need is much more compassion from self and others 

Me too! Compassion from others - I get a lot of that here, and from other places IRL. But compassion from self - I'm working on it. T reminds me quite often in a nice, friendly way. 

Kizzie, have a with tons of compassion.

[Kizzie]

I just popped back in to move my posts but you have replied so I'll leave it.  I don't want to get off on my track as I think taking up more or less space in terms of body size is an important topic to dig into.  Sorry I hijacked BB!  Tks for the compassion and hugs, much appreciated 

[Blueberry]

I didn't even think of it as a hijack, Kizzie. It's more: we've presently got 2 threads running on eating disorders. Apparently we need them. They're striking a chord atm.

Your post helped me realise things too.   

Having said that, you may be right that "taking up more or less space in terms of body size" is an important topic to dig into. I hadn't thought about that - that it could be good to feel a bit further into issue or also see who else on the forum might feel affected.

It's a pretty deep topic for me. I realised that further upthread when I made the connection to my SH, with part of that being 'not existing', chipping away at myself bit by bit in a way nobody is meant to notice. I wasn't meant to exist according to FOO but nobody outside FOO was meant to notice anything was awry in any way and they might have if my SH method had been a bit more obvious. Especially FOO might have noticed and ridiculed and harangued. So better for nobody to notice. So just chip away, gram by gram, hour by hour.

[Blueberry]

  to you Sceal.

[Elphanigh]

I am so glad that we are all beginning to talk about this. Everything that you both say has resonated with me. Although I am not quite as good about opening up about my own experiences with it.  It is so important to talk about these things, and it is amazing to read people that get it. The attachment to trauma of the eating disorder or food issue makes it different sometimes, it is good to see others connecting it to their trauma. Makes me feel like I can draw the same line with mine.

I was anorexic/bulimic in a weird combination for several years in high school (although I was already naturally thin and athletic) I still struggle sometimes with limiting behaviors food wise. However I have grown to stress eat in the last few years, it was a new  not so great skill. I am finding it is just as unhealthy as not eating was... I have been trying to tackle but unable to really work on it. I did well for a month, but then life really exploded so the bad habits started again.

Anyways now that I have also hijacked a little... thank you both for opening up this topic

[DecimalRocket]

Interesting Artemis that you bring up how stopping ourselves from eating with pleasure at all makes it worse. It's mostly controlled, but I still eat out of stress at times.

We're human after all, and we were evolved to make the most out of sugar since in ancient times, it was very difficult to find them. Now in modern times, we have an overabundance of sugar, and that can affect most of us. Back when my eating was less controlled, I often made 2 days of the week a total binge day with whatever I wanted. It made it easier to control the rest of the week too, but now it's controlled enough I don't need a specific binge day.

Even outside food, there's a lot to say about how guilt isn't the best motivator. Lots of business, parenting and teacher's books who emphasize that motivating through shame makes it easier for people to retaliate or not follow what's agreed on works. Because when it's through guilt only, there's no reward whether I follow my cravings or not. When I actually take pride on accomplishing something well with how I eat, or at least trying to, motivation was easier.

[DecimalRocket]

  to Sceal too.

[Kizzie]

BB, would you be OK if we merged your thread with mine and titled it "Discussion about Over/Under Eating" or something similar, sticky it and add a note at the top of the first post to the effect that hijacks are not an issue and members are free to talk about any aspect they'd like?  You asked about a separate sub-forum but the board is already too big and there are so many comorbidities unfortunately.

[Sceal]

 

[Blueberry]

It's certainly a good idea to not add a separate sub-forum! Sticky-ing is good as you've done. Let me think on the merging. Sometimes ideas need to drift thru my brain and float in my subconscious for a bit before I can feel a definite 'yes'. I'll not be back on for another 10 hours or so anyway. By then I'll prob. know.

[Kizzie]

Okey dokey, sounds good.