Emotional flashback / stress after moving out of narc. family's home

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SE7

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I have not been to this forum in a long time, but really feeling the effects of (undiagnosed - but surely) c-ptsd now after a 17-month stay at my narcissist parents' home (due to past job/home loss) ... I am finally freed through the grace of God & have my own place I just moved into, which the narcissists are paying for. I most certainly earned it after the mental torment they put me through the past year. It became a situation where I was paralyzed & unable to act on moving forward in life (freeze state of cptsd after many years of fight/flight) and narc. family was finally desperate enough to get me out of their house. I was there much longer than anyone expected, including myself.

Just feeling intermittent shakiness, fear, sadness, worry & physical breakdown right now. Overall I'm okay, just transitioning from a year where I basically lived like a hermit, constantly over-vigilant & hiding from my narcs. My latest fears involve getting repairs fixed - very triggering for me due to past landlord who was also a narc. Need to remind myself that it's okay now - my current owners & their rep seem to be very nice, reasonable people.

I know I need counseling at some point so that I can help myself move forward more easily, but I'm too overwhelmed right now just getting settled into new place (which is awesome by the way). I also urgently need to get a job!

The other day I broke down & cried after a week of 'subconscious disturbance' that was rising to the surface, and realized it was an emotional flashback. Being aware of that is what helped me get through it and it passed. Right now I am just feeling physically exhausted & broke down  :stars: from the stresses of moving and facing life again without hiding behind covert narcissists. There is a lot of sadness that I had to go through so much psychological manipulation at the hands of my family. It is still hard for me at times to cope with the knowledge of who these people are & what they've done to my self-esteem. Borderline mother is already trying to have family over my new place, including the flying monkey sibling who I am almost completely 'no contact' with. I won't allow it. Now I am looking forward to healing the damage & taking my life back.

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Deep Blue

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Re: Emotional flashback / stress after moving out of narc. family's home
« Reply #1 on: March 30, 2018, 12:57:33 PM »
Wishing you strength on your journey.  :bigwink:

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Blueberry

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Re: Emotional flashback / stress after moving out of narc. family's home
« Reply #2 on: March 30, 2018, 06:01:24 PM »
Lots of changes for you. Yay you for getting this far! Like Deep Blue I wish you strength for this part of your journey.

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artemis23

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Re: Emotional flashback / stress after moving out of narc. family's home
« Reply #3 on: March 31, 2018, 01:54:38 AM »
So happy for you. It can be really hard once you are out to deal with all the feelings that may have been held back by trauma bonding and dissociation. Go easy on yourself. It's so more real when we aren't around them anymore., especially the covert types who are so much sneakier. Facing the reality can be really painful and exhausting, no wonder you are tired.

One thing at a time, first let yourself settle. I wish I had a good trauma therapist when I left last time, I may not have ended up back here, but I was in foreign country and didn't know how to fund it. Take your time with this you don't have to do it all right away. Way to go for enforcing your boundaries about not having them over. I'm glad this is possible.

Don't stress yourself too hard on the job situation either. It will happen. I don't know where you are at but disability might be an option if it's too much. But this aurthur ashe quote keeps popping in my head today so I thought I'd share it with you: "Start where you are, use what you have, do what you can." It helps me focus on what's possible now cause I get bogged down in the future or having to have it all done and shut down...

And congratulations on your place and freedom!!!  :cheer: :grouphug:

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DecimalRocket

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Re: Emotional flashback / stress after moving out of narc. family's home
« Reply #4 on: April 01, 2018, 01:10:04 AM »
I'm sending you some strength too.  :hug:

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SE7

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Re: Emotional flashback / stress after moving out of narc. family's home
« Reply #5 on: April 03, 2018, 10:02:50 PM »
Thank you all so much for your kind wishes! Definitely need both strength & sleep! :)

And thank you Artemis23 for your understanding and acknowledgment of those very specific issues (yes esp. dealing with coverts & the trauma bonding).
I feel at peace today as I get more settled in, but a few hours ago a wave of exhaustion hit me again after spending the morning getting organized. I had all these plans & then just couldn't continue so I've just been on the couch taking it easy. My system really does need rest it seems. Good quote! one thing at a time, it will happen, easy does it ... I also casually started searching online for a therapist so I don't spend months chasing my own tail again!

Glad you're all here :)