Nightmares

[pam]

And another theme I have a lot is I have to pee, so I go into a public bathroom. But every stall is either taken, too filthy, broken, has no door on it, or is even missing the toilet! So I have nowhere to "relieve myself." (That's my interpretation--I have no where to put my psychological crap. Or that I am still full of it and need to unburden myself

OMG, I have this same dream all the time!  Great interpretation too 

Wow! I am happy to see I'm not the only one. Maybe we have something specific in common. 

[pam]

i know this is waaayyy out there...but some of the dreams You are having sound to me like reincarnation dreams.  getting murdered? That one for sure!

To me reincarnation dreams are MORE VIVID. sometimes if you look around in them dreams you will see that the clothing etc. is period instead of what we wear today.

This made me remember one i had where it was in the 1800s (dress I was wearing was Victorian). I was going to take a bath in a claw footed tub, but a nurse (my mother was a nurse) came in and whispered to me that my father was going to come in and try to drown me. So since i was prepared, when he came, I ran up behind him and we were fighting at the top of some spiral stairs and I somehow flipped him over the railing. Oh....I see now, that was also one of the worst things he did--tried to throw me down the stairs when I was 17. I had this dream in my early 20s.

Anyway, yeah that one was definitely from Victorian times. Ohhhh, and I believe I've had "future" dreams too...unfortunately they are about global catastrophes. 

[keepfighting]

(((grouphug)))

Nightmares are such a horrible part of CPTSD. Rob us of the little sleep we get.

I used to have lots of nightmares - some of them repeatedly (my bed stepped over a railing and I fell towards a black and white checkered floor was one of the earliest ones; woke me up every time) and others partial reenactments of events and/or conversations I've had or witnessed. Until I read this thread I didn't know they were called 'themed nightmares' but I had those, too. Mine were about me giving birth alone in tunnels while everyone of my travelling group was moving on without me (??!???). I used to have those a lot in adolescence.

My worst recurring nightmare took place in what I called my nightmare house: It was a house which I knew well and I was terrified of it, yet I knew for a fact that it didn't exist IRL. My DH read C.G. Jung's theory on dreams. It was something along the lines that the elements of dreams represent a period in your life. When I analyzed my nightmare house, I realized that I knew it so well because it was composed of elements of my grandma's house, my best friend's house and our local church building - the three of them together were part of my life between 8 and 10 years old. That information was very helpful to me. I haven't done a lot of IC work, but what I've done was focused on the child me at that age - the tortured little soul that tried so hard and was unwanted and unloved.

At that time, I was also in T for PTSD, so I don't know whether it was the Jung way of analyzing dreams or T or the combination thereof - but my nightmares have all but stopped and for more than a decade now. I still have one occasionally but they are few and far between - nothing like the ones I used to get that almost made me afraid to fall asleep.

[Badmemories]

The nightmare that I get the most is falling off of a cliff.  I aways wake -up before I fall. (I hate to even say it isn't that a classic one?

The other One I get is I am looking at MY body and flying around in the sky.  It is like I am really concentrating on learning how to fly. I am excited to be flying. I feel so free.

I don't remember many dreams. I try to sometimes. I should write them down when I wake up but I don't.

The last memorable dream  I had was in San Francisco in a earthquake. I was in a downtown area trying to get away. I was with the children's father. (he was a psycho) he would not listen to me when I was telling him where we should go!

[Butterfly]

Ugh. I'm getting so that I dread sleep. Another epic nightmare. This time same driving fast and talking to front seat passenger who is a friend of *mine* but sitting in the front seat with uPDm while enF is in back seat with me curled up in his typically withdrawn trauma induced very closed body language. So uPDm starts whispering to my friend about me and I confronted the behavior. She started to deny it, launched into a verbal tirade and starts to physically beat my arm. I started to scream "you're hurting me" when I woke up in tears and cried for sometime after, but unable to get past this even hours later.

Although I still went about my day and had nice social contact at church, my head hurts and I'm wondering if I might not be able to do this without professional help. There's a PTSD psychologist I found in my area, she's in my health insurance plan, I don't know maybe I'll give a call tomorrow. I called today just to listen to her outgoing message on her voice is nice and her picture appears like she's someone I might be able to work with but I don't know.

I'm still reading Pete Walker's book and also bought "safe people" by Cloud and Townsend. In Walker's book was reading how people with freeze response (me) feel so much more comfortable behind a computer screen with online help. That's so me. I'd so much rather do this with the books in privacy. But I feel so isolated from having anyone but my husband to talk to and the kind people here. I'm just not sure it's going to be enough.

Right now my heart physically aches in pain and I'm still in tears. Not good.

[schrödinger's cat]

I don't even know what to say. I can only think of things in my own dialect, which isn't going to help, obviously. But I'm sad to hear that you're in so much emotional pain, and I wish there was something I could do to help. I'll be thinking of you and sending good wishes your way, Butterfly. Hang in there. It's an emotional flashback. That means it will pass. You'll emerge out of it and it will be over. It doesn't seem like that right now, but it's still true. This doesn't last forever.

Kudos to you for trying to contact this therapist - that's more than I manage if my own flashbacks get bad.

I'll be thinking of you, and I hope that life will be gentle to you. I hope you have warmth and a safe place where you can grieve in peace - what you said about your dream and your reaction to it, it all sounds like long overdue shock and grief at something very real that happened to you. And I guess that, back then, you weren't safe enough to grieve properly.

[Butterfly]

You guys are the best. The absolute best. Happy tears rolling down my cheeks.

[Rain]

We ALL LOVE Happy Tears, Butterfly!!   

And, all kinds of tears, really.   You will be just fine.   Hard Journey, but you have friends on the way.

[Bluevermonter]

I know from my cptsd ex how awful these nightmares can be, so I feel for all of you.

She was constantly plagued by nightmares involving rape, her bad foo boundaries, her ex husband, and her mother, who was the principal cause of her cptsd, imo.

She never bothered to wonder why she had these recurring dreams and never sought any help as far as I know.  We were together for 18+ years and they were a weekly event.

Since she has so trashed me in order to justify her leaving, I can only wonder if she has nightmares about me.  Can't say since she is nc.

Here's one I have that I don't understand:  I am in college and it is near the end of the semester.  I am myself, not a young kid, so I am there for fun, however, I am apparently enrolled in 3-4 classes, but only attend 2.  Now I start to worry about the finals in those classes I am not going to.  It seems have done this for several semesters in a row.

Any thoughts?

[Rain]

Blue!

I'm so sorry for and about your loss of your ex-

That had to be hard with her weekly nightmares.   Seems like you took the "richer or poorer" part of the vows to heart.   oh sigh.

[Bluevermonter]

  Seems like you took the "richer or poorer" part of the vows to heart.

Thanks for noticing, rain.   Hugs back.   I viewed my r/s issues as  typical.   The usual frustrations of two people living together.  It was only the last year where she went off the rails.  I was willing to hang in there, but I didn't even have a say in the breakup.

Anyway, nightmares are fully loaded w shhh.   No wonder why interpreting them is a full time job for some people!

[schrödinger's cat]

I can't interpret dreams, but I read something someplace about how it's helpful to ask oneself, "the kind of feeling I had in my dream - when did I have that in real life?" and go from there. Not sure if that works, I hardly ever dream.

[Kizzie]

I have recurring university dreams too Blue, and other versions of it (wandering around an apartment building or hotel and can't remember where my room is; not having enough bus money or knowing the right bus to take; trying to get somwhere by car and going in circles).  The underlying feeling seems to be one of anxiety about not being prepared for something I should have been prepared for. 

Mine seem to be all the time pretty much so not related to external stress from what I can see BH. Hopefully for all of us the bad dreams will make way for some peaceful nights and better dreams as we recover.    

[Bluevermonter]

I agree w the anxiety part.  Can't say about what though, at the time I had these dreams.  I'll try to pay attention next time. Self-sabotage, as I sign up for more classes than I can apparently handle, or lose interest in?

To answer your questions, behealthy,

1. I attended only one undergraduate univ.
2.  It was a safe place.  I lived off campus and took care of myself.
3.  Certainly feel unprepared for her total change of personality and the unanticipated single life,  but before that, I had a plan and felt in control.  Very positive about myself, future, and her.

How about too much studying about her/mental health issues to digest in one semester???

Unvarnished form vs.  so obscure the dreamer doesn't even know.   

[Badmemories]

I have pretty weird dreams at time. The last one I had that was weird was...I was in a huge mansion.  I was in a huge dressing room I was going through the drawers and finding all kinds of beautiful jewelry. Antique jewelry that I've never seen in My life.  I was noting that I'd like to have them but I put everything back in place. Then I went downstairs of this big mansion, and went to a ballroom like setting. I noticed 3 old women sitting at a big round table, I noticed a bandstand that was 3 stories high. I went into the kitchen and was looking at it and saying that all the warmers were setup with steam. I then went downstairs and saw beautiful turquoise dishes that were packed with newspaper. Someone was repairing the basement window that was cut glass. I also saw beautiful dishes that were bright yellow and black striped, like the art deco period. Then I woke up. I was shook up and just sat and thought for quit awhile afterwards.  I felt like I was a caretaker of some sort to the property.