Is it time to have a break or not?

[Gromit]

I have been on Citalopram 20mgs for 3 years. Saw the same GP up until a year ago, & she thought it might be time to come off then. She went on maternity leave & I haven't found a GP to have a sensible discussion with since. I have a month's supply left & searched for an appointment online with a number of GP's at my surgery that I would be comfortable with & only 1 appointment came up, so I booked it, for a couple of weeks time.

I find, once I start taking them they have a pretty immediate effect on me. (I have been through this 3 times now). However, I think I have been in a progressively worse place each time, before I realised & asked for help. Although there have been significant triggers for each episode.

I am coming to an end with my T as I am on a waiting list for CBT (with an actual person, on the NHS).

Will I need the support of the drug for CBT? Does the drug do anything for me anymore? I seem to be in a nice place where I no longer get triggered so much at the moment, FOO at a great distance, kids now at senior school, so no triggers from primary school. I have found out about CPTSD which has helped a great deal in my understanding of myself & what happens to me.

I guess, I hate having to see the GP's & the chemist, on a regular basis. But, at the same time I fear being without the crutch, just having something which stops me spiralling down into that awful place, stops me snapping, being my own scary mother to my kids. Because I don't realise when I need help.

I know I am just waffling, & no one can give a definitive answer on whether or not to take medication as they are not me, perhaps I hope that someone who has asked the same questions can cut through my indecision.
G

[Dee]

I like my meds and I am not willing to give the up anytime soon.  However, I was on one for awhile that was great until it seemed to stop being effective.  We had to try several different ones until we found the new one that works.  That change was difficult and managed by a psychiatrist.  Now I'm back to being happy with my meds.

My understanding is this is normal with antidepressants.  That after awhile there needs to be a switch.  I think it puts me in a place where I can do CBT.  It isn't the cure, but makes it so I can do the real work.

This is my personal experience.  Other's will have their own and I am sure different to mine.  Talk to you T and Dr, be informed and make a decision.

[Blueberry]

When  I was asking a similar question, my GP then asked me how I felt about not taking Citalopram any more. I said the idea frightened me. That was my answer. It was too early. I'm now on a lower dosage. But I'm still on it.

I know there are different ideas on this forum about taking meds or not, and different ideas among lay people in general. My psych told me that some of the fears I had about Citalopram that I'd got from listening to other people talk about anti-deps in general (before I was even on this forum) are unfounded. I trust my psych in general and in this because he took the time to explain it to me. I know others on here don't trust 'big pharma'. Maybe I'm naive.

Once I left Citalopram off, I just didn't bother to take it for a while, which turned into 6 weeks By then I really noticed the difference. So back then I started calling my anti-deps, the pro-s. Pro-clarity, pro-ability to be happy, pro-get out of bed.  There was more. I'm in a better place than then too, that's why i'm on a lower dosage. But not yet without.

I agree with Dee on talking to your T and doc.

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hi gromit,
Like you I have been on and off it and have tried twice over over the last 2 yrs to be free. On both occasions I took it really slow ( much slower than suggested) cutting down over several months. I was fine for the 1st 3 mths of being off and then majorly crashed. Like you the drug works quickly once I start taking it again and helps a lot with trigger symptoms. Also it amazes me that I don't always know ( even after all this time and experiences) that Im severely unwell/ depressed. I put it down to when I'm deep in trenched in it I lose that part of me that can be objective.

Quote 'will I need the support of the drug for cbt' 'do I need it anymore?
Very good issues to raise and get support with. I guess it will be to do with how much you feel the previous therapy has helped you to stabilise in integrating your sense of self, having coping strategies with triggers, dealt with the injuries.
I know for me I can easily feel 'I don't need the drug' but then I wasn't/ am not healed enough yet.
Maybe you could speak to both your old and new therapist about it and see what they suggest?

[Gromit]

I know my current T thinks the drug & therapy together are the best course of action. It was her who told me to get the support of medication 3 years ago.

I also know that the NHS service who assessed me & offered me the CBT scored me for anxiety & depression as well as traits of PTSD, mostly as Moderate, & that is with me taking the drug.

I guess I feel 'normal' but, as my T says, my 'normal' is not the same as other peoples' because I have lived with anxiety for as long as I can remember, & probably depression too.

Over the last 11 years I have been on medication, for 3/4 years at a time, then I come off, something happens, & I end up worse than I was before because I don't realise how bad I am. Something to talk to the GP about I guess.
Thanks everyone

[Boatsetsailrose]

I can relate gromit the past 2 yrs and coming off twice has taken its toll on me . I feel much more fragile, limited in my general coping with life / daily skills than I was before and anxious. On the flip the citalopram does jangle my nervous system too and so I have that going on in the background. Someone on the meds section here was saying about taking a trycylic or moais type of anti depressant instead of ssri but I'm not sure about the reasoning behind this