ch. 4 -- around the next corner

[Sceal]

Lighting a candle for us both right now, San. 

[Deep Blue]

Rest well friend,
Get well soon. 

[Andyman73]

San, sister of my heart, sending you all my love and strength!!!
And lots and lots of warm healing loving hugs.

[sanmagic7]

sceal, deep blue, andy - thank you so.  hope you're doing better, sceal.

feeling better.  not 100% yet, but better.  the mr. will be spending 3 nites here - my d has finally felt comfy enough with him staying over, altho she'll be gone for 2 of those nites visiting.  at any rate, he and i are very excited.  looking forward to being together.  he's been very sweet, generous with compliments, makes me feel good even when i'm feeling bad.  i like it - a lot.

so, i'm still resting.  love to all of you and warm hugs.

[Elphanigh]

Glad you are taking the time to rest, San. I hope this ethree nights are amazing, I am sure they will be. Lots of love to you always 

[Sceal]

Thank you for enquiring San, I'm not doing so well. But eventually I will.

I'm glad you're taking the rest you need, and it's wonderful that your d is onboard with the mr. coming to visit overnight. I hope it will be a wonderful experience, andI hope you'll have wonderful new good memories made. 

[sanmagic7]

el, thank you as always.  love you.

sceal, sorry you're not quite up to par right now, but hoping you will be soon.  i'll be lighting a candle for you tonite.  love you, too.

my health is worrying me a bit right now.  my lungs are aching and i have a little cough.  just hoping against hope that my body can fight this off or it'll be back to the e.r. this weekend - and that would definitely be a bum bum.  gotta keep on resting.

[Elphanigh]

Lots of rest and water. You also might make sure you are putting a lot of vitamin C and maybe even some turmeric into your diet if you have it over the next few days. It helps to clear out anything and can boost the immune system when it needs it. Lots of healing energy your way 

[sanmagic7]

thanks, el.  i have been doing lots of vit c, also turmeric is a regular with me.  also doing thera-flu, mucus expectorant, ibuprofen, herbal teas, water, and juice.  everything i can think of.   an inhaler for my lungs.  i don't like all this medicine going into my body over this amount of time, but i'm just working on feeling as well as possible.  it's very frustrating and disheartening for me to feel sick - i want to have left that all behind.

i think a lot of this has had to do with the mr. and his fears about the relationship, to the point that he's waffled back and forth several times in the past few weeks.  he was worried about money, that he wouldn't have enough to be able to continue visiting me, and didn't think he could keep up long distance with only a visit every few months or so.  he'd also given up on my d ever allowing him to stay here.

so, it felt like i was hanging on by a thread, wondering and worrying.  then i got my 'trust the magic' stone, began remembering that, and things began falling into place.  with that great sense of relief, it was like all my reserves that had been called into action simply folded over, exhausted, and it opened the door to me being sick.

this has happened to me in the past as well.  kept up the stress level, pushing thru to an end goal, then crashed big time afterwards.  so, now that i'm quite sure that's what's happened, i feel less anxious about it.  at any rate, he's begun speaking more about us having each other now to share good stuff with, he's realizing how crummy his childhood was (and that he'd minimized so very much of the bad stuff) and how that's damaged him becuz of his mother, and how glad he is to be having plans to get out of there, get a place with a buddy of his.

i don't doubt he's another victim of traumatization, not only from childhood but from later relationships.  i'm hoping we'll be able to speak to this topic a lot more as time goes by, and see how we can possibly utilize those neg. experiences to learn from in order to help each other do some healing.   i know he's restored a lot of what was taken from me from my exes, and the other nite he said something very gently to me that warmed me in a peculiar way.  it reminded me of how i would have wanted my father to speak to me when he had something to say that i might not have liked to hear.

of course, i never got that from my dad, but from the mr. it felt like a healing moment.  it was very odd and unusual, but it spoke to me immediately as a connection i'd never had with my father that i would've liked.  strange how this stuff can work sometimes.

so, time for me to begin getting ready.  he'll be here in about 2 hrs., and staying 3 nites, which will be really nice.  he's so very excited, and i love knowing that.  my d will be gone for 2 nites, but the third we may all go out together for karaoke, which would be pretty cool.  he and she both love to sing and are very good at it.  i will be an enthusiastic audience - my voice is shot so i won't participate.    will let you all know how it goes next week.

[Elphanigh]

Have lots od fun with the mr. And then your d when she gets back. I am glad that things really do seem to be falling into place you definitely deserve it. 

[Blueberry]

  san, have a good time with the mr. So glad things seem to be working their way out. Step by step, slowly but surely.

[sanmagic7]

el and blueberry, thank you for the good wishes,  truly appreciated.

i felt so awkward when he left yesterday, stood in the doorway waving as he got into his car.  we had such a good time together all weekend, enjoyed each other immensely, yet i was glad to get my own space back when he left.   it was quite a push-pull feeling. 

it reaffirms to me that we're better off long distance for now.  he's building a new life as well in his own way, lots of changes coming at him.  i'm more settled where i live now, settling in, enjoying the peace and calm of this place, and feel like it's very good for my own sense of healing.

he didn't want to leave, wished i lived closer to him, but i'd dread the idea of moving back to a regular city after being here.  we're 1 1/2 hrs. apart, which isn't bad, and talk almost daily.  still, it costs him to get here, and he's hoping to move out of the house where i used to live, so needs all his money for moving right now.  we didn't speak at all of when we'd see each other again.

it sucks to be poor.  still, we made memories, good ones, and i'm glad of that.  i take those to bed with me.

[Three Roses]

So glad you enjoyed each other! 💜

[Elphanigh]

I am so glad that the time went well. It makes sense you would be sad to see him go but also excited to have your own space back. Anytime I have had long distance relationships it was sort of that way. It is wonderful to hear you settling in to the new place as well.  Hopefully you will see each other again soon

[Deep Blue]

Glad to hear things went well San.     I like how you said the long distance is good for now.  It gives possibility for the relationship to change and grow.  Happy for you