Martyrdom

[Gromit]

Anyone else get triggered by people playing the martyr?

It's a wet holiday weekend & started well, I thought OH was going to take our daughter to the cinema. Now he is up early, 'because someone has to walk the dog' & already tidying things, which I find triggering too. It's like a sign that I have not done what I should have done, so he has to. On his part it is sometimes actually directed at the kids, for not walking the dog, and it was our son who left bags out, but I am the one who feels it.

I know today I usually do a lot, change bed, clean bathroom, cook so I don't need to feel that I am lazy but it is being thought so, feeling judged. Roll on Sunday when he is going to the football.
I also try & tell myself, 'why shouldn't he do some housework?' But, I would really rather he didn't, even if, like a couple of weeks ago, I was at a training day on a Saturday & he did nothing but get the newspaper & wanted praise for that. To be fair he also cooked for them all.

So, it is unfair to feel triggered, I suppose that is what I am saying, but this extended holiday weekend has so much potential for triggering for me, nothing to do with Easter at all, just me, feeling judged.

[Rainagain]

What you describe sounds like passive/aggressive antics to try to make you feel badly.

I am treated to the same thing on occasion, it generally makes me feel irritated rather than whatever it is supposed to create in me, or whatever response is expected.

Its something I really don't like at all.

[Gromit]

Ah, thanks Rainagain I find it hard to recognise passive aggressiveness as that seems so normal to me. After OH's grumbles, & a walk with the dog he was fine. Plus whilst I heard the grumbles he intends them for the kids. My sister, on the other hand.....

My sister & I send Easter gifts for each other's kids. My daughter sent her a text msg to say thanks, but got no response. She did the same at Xmas. When I got an imsg from my neice I asked if they had had her msgs. No. I tried to text my sister, no response. Apparently my daughter got an I-msg from her later, supposedly sent from her husband's account. Either she has her devices configured wrong, as she seems to think it is her account, or they share an account. Either way she should have had text msgs, right?

We could just call them, but, I have Vlc with her since last year & I prefer it that way, she is definitely passive aggressive.

One interesting thing from yesterday, I have an ache in my upper back, I tensed there, & cannot shift that tension yet, no matter what moves I try.

[Rainagain]

I wonder if your back pain and the irritability I get are related in some way, a response to being exposed to passive aggressive treatment?

I'm guessing your body recognises it even if you don't realise it consciously?

For me I think it partially triggers a fight response so I get agitated.

I'm beginning to think that everything matters and has an effect, even if subtle or on a subconscious level.

Its either complicated or I'm making it so, hard to tell.

[Gromit]

Rainagain the fight response is not very strong in me so yes, it is my body's way of telling me something. Some yoga back bends today have helped. My freeze response makes me contract inwards, but I had not noticed it so much before. My upper back is often stiff but I have found another masseur and having regular treatment, so perhaps it had been improving and this triggered tension there where it had become free.

Irritation is another sign of something not being right.

I can be conscious of people saying things which upset me but not always why, as I said passive aggressiveness was normal in FOO. But my body reacts even when I am not conscious, & makes me aware of its state.
G