Feeling strong, but no idea why

[Rainagain]

Left my isolated life for a couple of weeks and did a road trip to see family and friends. At times it was very tough to do that, but I overcame lots of things and got back OK.

Back now and a couple of new calamities have already happened to me.

But I'm somehow tougher than I was.

I can experience the bad stuff but at a distance, it doesn't seem to get so internalised, its not as damaging.

Not sure if it's meeting supportive friends, not sure if its longer day length and getting some sun on my skin, maybe I've become more resigned to myself and am more accepting and less resistant to the negatives of life.

Might be the last of the venlafaxine leaving my system and my brain chemistry settling down?

It feels like I'm more of a grown up than I have been for the last few years, bad things happen and it doesn't floor me, I don't take things so personally.

I wish I knew how this happened.

It might be that I saw my adult children and they are doing well, perhaps that has taken a weight off me as they are what matters most to me. If they are OK the rest is just stupid stuff I don't need to obsess over anymore.

I see negativity from others as their problem, they can only diminish me if I accept their nonsense into my life and internalise it, which I haven't been doing any more.

Maybe I'm looking outward at others and can see their motives rather than being self absorbed and worrying about myself and my pain so much.

I know it doesn't help others if I don't know why I feel stronger, but maybe just knowing things can improve is a help, I didn't believe in recovery at all, now I'm partially optimistic.

[Blueberry]

feeling stronger and tougher  -   

[Contessa]

I think the whole thing Rainagain. Everything you wrote, in combination. Every person, every place, every act, thought and nuance.

This is a very enjoyable post, glad to read about such progress. Keep at it!

[Rainagain]

Thanks guys!

Something has definitely changed, hope it stays changed.

I've had two people let me down/bash me up and it hasn't bothered me much at all.

They both tried to tell me how I should be thinking, how I should accept their opinions. I didn't get overly upset, I looked at what they were saying and decided I disagreed with them.

My partner is leaving me and my legal representative has failed me again.

I didn't make much of a fuss, just listened and mentally moved on without them. They have thrown me under the bus but instead of getting upset by their actions I am simply accepting the situation and dealing with it without too much negative emotion.

I can choose who I listen to, what opinions have value and I can choose to decide things for myself.

I have mentioned to both of them that I have a pretty bad mental health diagnosis, they have both seen the reports. Yet they briefly acknowledge the fact before putting their stuff onto me as though I don't have issues at all.

I'm not making an excuse which can fairly be ignored, I'm not pretending that I did my homework but the dog ate it.

I do the best I can and I have a disorder which has some pretty profound effects. I deserve understanding for what I have endured and a little respect for the efforts I make to get over my issues.

I feel strong, not in my old fight/trigger way, I just am not having other people's nonsense put onto me any more.

I think its vitamin D from the sun, its straightening out my thinking and giving me back a little of my old resilience.

Its too easy to blame other people when things go wrong. I try not to do it and try to recognise when it is being done to me.