Flashback altering my reality

[Gonzomom22]

For me, flashbacks have always been the worst. I still haven't figured out how to stable myself afterwards and most times I end up puking. The day after my entire body is sore and i usually end up mourning the incidents all over again like they just happened. With the help of yoga, prescriptions and my adorable daughter I'm usually back to normal in 2 days.

There has got to be a better way to go about this. There has to be a way to make them less intense and to pull myself out of them.

[sanmagic7]

hey, gonzomom, have you tried pete walker's steps re: ef's and how to get out of them?  might make it easier for you to leave them behind more quickly.  just a thought.  what you go thru because of them is not fun at all - very sorry for your struggles with this.  glad you have some backup to help.  big hug, sweetie.

[Dee]

Welcome Gonzomom.  I don't have any advice, you seem to be doing everything I know to do.  The only thing I wonder is if you go to therapy?  For me, as I work through trauma the flashbacks become less and I manage them better.  I do use essential oils to help ground me.  I even keep one in my therapist's office.

[woodsgnome]

It's a hard one. Unfortunately, "it" includes all of life once one survives the initial stages, at least as it's turned out for me. It's like the flashbacks are set up in a row, and as soon as one exits the system, here comes the next. Even calling these flashbacks is tricky--it's a good identifier but it also seems to open the door to so many others beyond the initial EF, like the others are waiting in the wings ready to be called on stage.

One alternative thought pattern is to adjust one's attitude at the same time one is dealing with the specific problem. Meds can be temporarily okay but then the side effects factor in. The best attitude adjuster seems to include some sort of exercise (depends on individual tastes and capabilities), paired with regular periods of meditation/contemplation using a technique for cleansing the thoughts and emptying the mind (where EF's invariably hang out). There's a trap, though, in relying on meditation as a kind of fix. It should be aimed at benefitting one's whole life, not only as an escape (although at first it certainly acts and feels that way).

Turns out cptsd is a lifetime adjustment, needing unique shock absorbers. The frustration is that no sure fix seems to work for everyone in equal measure.  Regardless of the description, it's worse to try and ignore it entirely (I tried that with some success for years and then it all collapsed again).

As Dee hinted, if one can find the help of a good therapist, that can help immensely. I fear this sounds like a feeble answer, but it does take some determination and work to tamp down the severity of the symptoms. I hope you can find some balance with whatever you try. It's more about possibility than sure relief, but that's better than giving up, in my estimation (albeit 'giving up' is often my default pattern).

[Gonzomom22]

Thank you sanmagic7. I just spent about 45 minutes reading about Pete Walkers Steps. I was doing most of those thing but hopefully it will help to have a genuine plan of action. I greatly appreciate the help, support and the hug.

Dee, I'm currently on the lookout for a therapist in my area but haven't been able to find on closer than 3 hours away who is experienced in CPTSD. I'm currently speaking with someone online and while she is helpful it's been a struggle not being able to speak with someone face to face. 

[Gonzomom22]

 woodsgnome, I completely agree "EF" doesn't seem to do it justice. It feels to me like a bottomless pit and though I can crawl out of it I always know it's there.
My T's constantly telling "mediation then medication," which means to sooth my mind naturally before resorting to drugging it. I do my best to do a 20 minute guided bliss meditation once a day and it does help for a couple of hours. However,  It's diffucult for me to find unscheduled time to meditate. When I'm triggered in the middle of the day with a toddler to care for I usually just resort to medicating and messaging my T.

[Shankara]

For me, flashbacks have always been the worst. I still haven't figured out how to stable myself afterwards and most times I end up puking. The day after my entire body is sore and i usually end up mourning the incidents all over again like they just happened. With the help of yoga, prescriptions and my adorable daughter I'm usually back to normal in 2 days.

There has got to be a better way to go about this. There has to be a way to make them less intense and to pull myself out of them.

Hello Gonzomom22,

I'm struggeling with this as well...and just like you I need still a bit too long to step out of that reality when trigger happens. I try Traumasensitive Yoga, EFT, and if things get too tough (wouldnt recommend this to everyone) I wash my head with ice cold water, or Do cold/warm showers. 

It lessens the rumination.

Still dealing and finding ways.

Take care

[woodsgnome]

Yes, sometimes there isn't time or circumstances to undertake meditation or other interventions. I have a method that at least calms me to a point where I can usually survive the situation.

It's a simple breathing exercise. I choose 2 favourite words--mine are peace and love, but they can be anything that you consider calming. On each in-breath I say (silently esp. if people around) one of the words, and the other on the out-breath. As in: in-breath...peace; out-breath love; repeat as necessary.

One can do this in almost any situation where calming is called for, and one doesn't have time for lengthier meditation or other techniques.

[Dee]

For grounding I use my 5 senses.  My T says I have five fingers, one for each sense.  While it seems a little childish I can remember it.

I also do 5,4,3,2,1.

See 5 things
touch 4 things
hear 3 things,
smell 2 things
taste 1 thing

That really does make a difference to pull me back into the present.