Connecting

[avamolly]

I often think how comforting it would be to actually meet and talk face-to-face with a fellow Cptsd sufferer, there are doubtless quite a few in various states of recovery, officially diagnosed or not, who live in the same town, the same street even. It's lovely that so many people can access and gain comfort from online forums these days, it can be a lifeline and reduce feelings of isolation and loneliness. I know that privacy and anonymity are paramount and people have to feel safe so it has to be the way it is. But all I'm saying is wouldn't it be great if there was some way of putting people suffering with Cptsd together with each other in reality rather than just online. To be able to talk and truly be understood by another human being who isn't necessarily a therapist or psychiatrist, the mutual understanding could be so therapeutic.

[Rainagain]

I have a friend with cptsd.

We have a good friendship though we now live in different countries.

It took a long time for us to realise we both have cptsd, we started off discussing our respective weird symptoms, these days we have a context for them.

The causes and symptoms are different but relatable.

[avamolly]

I have only identified with Cptsd in the last year, hadn't been aware of the term before that, but it has meant that I can be kinder to myself when I struggle with certain situations. About 20 years ago I assumed I had Avoidant Personality Disorder because that seemed to describe my difficulties, but I identify so much more completely with Cptsd. I am beginning to be more open with people about my mental health problems but have to take it slowly because no matter how nice people are there is only so much they can absorb or understand if the whole thing is not remotely in their experience. There are a few people I can really relate to, one or two who have had difficult backgrounds and struggle to cope with life, but they too live elsewhere so there is little or no chance of a face to face discussion, but I cherish having them in my life nonetheless. Thank goodness for the internet, that's all I can say, I have made more progress in the last 20 years than in the whole of my life and I am 68 now, still learning, still progressing.
Thanks for your comments Rainagain, I wish you well.

[Rainagain]

My friend and I had a funny conversation years back.

I had just been diagnosed with cptsd and after a few weeks my friend told me she had looked into it online and thought she had cptsd too.

My response was 'oi!, get your own disorder, this one's mine'.

We still laugh about that now, in fact, being able to criticise one another's behaviour in a friendly supportive way is really nice. Once you have mutual trust and friendship there is a lot of scope for humour.

[avamolly]

Yes, very funny, a sense of humour really can make a big difference, don't know where I'd be without mine!
I am from the UK and guess you likely are too, going by the spelling of humour.

[Blueberry]

I've also had the opposite experience from what you're all talking about. People with CPTSD, in healing/therapy, can trigger each other and/or try and take on the role of therapists and eventually break apart again / go their separate ways. That's happened to me a few times. It's OK. I'd say in two of the cases it was maybe to do with healing taking place at different rates. I've written about some of this in Friends and Recovery Letters.

There's also the issue of jealousy or envy. Somebody else has help, a good therapist... I don't. I blame other person. Or other person gets believed, that it really was trauma, my case isn't believed because my trauma wasn't "enough". Me jealous. Why does the other person get believed?? I've been "I" in both cases, albeit a long, long time ago. More recently I've been on the recieving end, the person blamed.

Although my non-CPTSD friends may not understand absolutely everything and I do sometimes have to correct their misconceptions (it surely would be better for you if you came to choir practice - no, actually, it's NOT always better for me than staying at home regrouping), they're often not as needy as CPTSD friends, I don't have to watch so much that I don't get sucked dry of my energy.

OTOH in inpatient therapy and/or healing retreats with fellow CPTSD sufferers are not unknown in my country though they might be in the UK, and that's always a place where you can connect and hear others talking about their experiences. And yes, it's very useful.

[avamolly]

Yes Blueberry, you make some good points to consider, there is usually two sides to every story, and just because someone is not Cptsd doesn't necessarily mean that they are very self aware about their own lives, I often get the impression that many people are in denial about all sorts of problems in their own family dynamics for example. We are all on different paths, moving at different rates of speed, we are ready when the time is right for us. I would rather be Cptsd and aware than non Ctpsd and unaware, I'm pretty sure of that.

[Rainagain]

There are so many potential pitfalls, one is assuming that something that helps me is automatically transferable to someone else, it doesn't follow as we are all so different.

My friend and I are very easy going with each other, its just gentle support and respect with a certain amount of non threatening humorous criticism, its fine when its safe and well meant.

Its trust I think, its so hard to do and we upset each other when we first met frequently, over time trust developed.

I was indeed UK Avamolly, but live elsewhere now due to the things which caused my cptsd.

'Oi, get your own disorder' still makes me chuckle.....

[jamesG.1]

I have a friend with it. She has been amazing. Each stage she would explain, and she's been pretty much on the nail. Having someone who just "get's it" is amazing. Sadly, very few of my old friends did, or ever will and it's always going to be an issue now. I only get written off once, and frankly, it's reciprocal.