Inauthentic lives........downplaying our strengths...

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C.

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Re: Inauthentic lives........downplaying our strengths...
« Reply #15 on: February 11, 2015, 12:34:35 AM »
Haha true Whobuddy, quiet and still smart  ;)

And Fairslipper I'm sure that you could have been/could be a pediatrician and that your art work is amazing!

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fairyslipper

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Re: Inauthentic lives........downplaying our strengths...
« Reply #16 on: February 12, 2015, 07:08:11 AM »
Cat, I could so relate to your post. And yes, definitely the scapegoat. It was so bad in our house...just my brother and me, no other siblings... that I could say something and literally be laughed out of the room, and then he could say the same thing and they would be all ears. Even if I did try to back things up with some real proof, a book or something......that wouldn't be taken seriously. Of course they had never heard of that author or book or whatever.  For me it was such a lack of confidence in me that I absorbed and that unfortunately I am still fighting to this day. Little by little I am getting rid of the friends in my life that fuel that. And I have started a business that I am getting lots of positive feedback on. It is my own thing and this feels so nice and SO different for me, in  a GOOD way  :yes:

Ha ha, thank you C. I think I am a real contradiction......I LOVE art, and medicine :-) They have both fascinated me forever. I really hated how she would always put my stuff/ideas/feelings down and usually with an audience around. I just wanted to hide when she did that.

I have made a decision to spend WAY less time of facebook, because the types of people I meet on there are very triggering to me lately and to let go of any and all friendships that are not equal. I am done!! If I have to be alone for a period, so be it. I will survive. When you are surrounded by people that make you feel and think less of yourself.......that is worse than alone.  So bubye!  :wave: I am going to do things for me that reinforce living authentically. Even if it feels scary and awkward for a while.  ;)

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Anamiame

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Re: Inauthentic lives........downplaying our strengths...
« Reply #17 on: February 12, 2015, 07:30:19 AM »
Fairyslipper:  I did the same thing.  I spent about two weeks weaning off of Facebook and closed it out two weeks ago.  For me, I was using FB as 'false' socialization while I had become almost completely isolated IRL.  So, the 'Mommy' in me took FB away. 

I didn't expect the abreaction!  Jeez.  Everyone was contacting family members asking what was 'wrong' with me and yet, only my Dad called me to find out why I left.  That was funny in and of itself because HE doesn't have a FB account because it's 'not real contact.'  I told him he won the debate we had last fall.  But seriously, no one bothered to contact ME. :sadno: 

Now, to keep from switching my addiction to FB to here.   :stars:

Re: Inauthentic lives........downplaying our strengths...
« Reply #18 on: February 12, 2015, 08:35:01 AM »
Oh my words, my mother does that too. I've been wondering why on earth I'm often backing every single statement of mine up with sources. But of course. Yes. That's why.

AAAUGH. I want to go back in time and glare at someone.  :pissed:

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fairyslipper

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Re: Inauthentic lives........downplaying our strengths...
« Reply #19 on: February 12, 2015, 08:44:20 AM »
Good for you!!!!!!!!!!!  :applause: :applause: I have to have it somewhat for my business, but plan to keep it as minimal as possible now and not so much "false socialization" I love that term by the way! :yes: I go through my friend list and could count on one hand the number of people I would not put in the narcissistic category....not necessarily pd level, but definitely on the high end. I am finding so much more time for studying, painting, creating, exercising etc. Facebook is bad news for me  :blink: It is an interesting bit of proof to myself how I have attracted the wrong kind of people. I am sorry you experienced that, but so admire you for unplugging!

That is pretty eye opening in itself I think, that nobody contacted you.  :hug: Kind of proves exactly what we are talking about it. The first day was the hardest, but every day after just gets easier and I find myself feeling happier too. I have one exercise group and one local group I will stay in contact with, but the rest nah......it just isn't worth it. I get so tired of being there for everyone for their ups and downs and not getting the same back. Even tho there have been some bad things in my life recently, there have also been some really great ones, and nothing......I have put too much energy into them and I need to stop......for my own well-being  :yes: I was afraid of that too, but what we are getting here feels so much more genuine and definitely more positive!!  :yes:

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fairyslipper

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Re: Inauthentic lives........downplaying our strengths...
« Reply #20 on: February 12, 2015, 08:51:16 AM »
A guy in a different group really helped me with doing that. He told me to write on my hand do not defend or even dnd when I went over any of my foo's so I could look at it for a reminder if I needed to. Well I started to do that...........realized even if I had the best source in the world......it was coming out of my mouth and therefore faulty   :stars: ...........It was interesting while doing that just how OFTEN I felt the need to defend or back up my comments.........it really helped me. The way they treat you makes you feel so invisible. And once you get rid of them, you start working through your list of other contacts.......it is kind of sad how often you can see that being played out in other arenas.

As time went on they made an acronym JADE------- Do not: Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain. That helps me to this day  :yes:

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Kizzie

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Re: Inauthentic lives........downplaying our strengths...
« Reply #21 on: February 13, 2015, 09:38:56 PM »
We found out over the years that both my H's FOO and mine would brag about our accomplishments to others (nothing to us of course). Now while that may sound like parental pride, it's not really, it was always about making them look good because their children are successful due to their parenting - it's was all about them. 

And that's a whole lot crazy and sad, but explains CPTSD and our need to develop some healthy pride in ourselves. Like you FairySlipper, I will not allow others to make me feel invisible any more, nope, nope and nope.   ;D

And JADE works great doesn't it?!  :hug: