I just want to feel loved by someone

[PeTe]

I saw a series where a friend forgave someone for what they'd done. It really moved me, and I realize I don't expect anyone to forgive me, like I'm undeserving. Right after that I got this feeling that I just wish someone loved me, and then a desire to give up, which I guess comes from the inner child, feeling abandoned. I don't think I ever felt really loved by my parents, and not much I could do about that. However, I still really  miss that feeling of being loved by someone, someone who really cares and gets me and picks me up when I need it. I guess that's too much to expect from friends, and too much to expect from a girlfriend all the time, but I also have this sense that I'm not requesting a lot. Being loved is quite basic. I feel so let down when I think of my father, who was so distant when I was young, and I feel repulsed by my mother who would try to get her emotional needs fulfilled instead of mine. Well, they got me to try to save their relationship, and it didn't work. I'm a grown man, and I really don't feel like it just now.

[Kat]

What a wonderful, very human desire.  It appears you've hit that place of grieving what you never had.  I found myself in that very place recently.  It's a lonely, sad place.  I think love is all any of us is looking for, really.  Be gentle and compassionate with yourself.  We've missed out on so much, but love is still out there.  Be well.

[PeTe]

Thanks, Kat. Yes, it's a grief of what should have been, and then a sort of grief for where I'm at now mixes in as well.  As you say, it feels very lonely, but fortunately I managed to call a friend who came over, and that was so nice.

I've been on a sick leave for seven months due to mistreatment at work, and recently started working two half days a week. My muscles really tensed up, I started forgetting things and I sensed some underlying sadness beneath that feeling of uneasiness and stress. I could not place that sadness anywhere, but I think now the feeling of being unloved was the cause. I must have felt way more vulnerable at work than I was able to pick up. I'm less tense now, more at ease and hopefully not forgetting as much  It'll still be strange to go to work today and kind of pretend everything is fine.

[Dee]

I totally understand the desire to feel loved.  This is something that I have struggled with as well.  I know the answer is to learn to love yourself, but it isn't that easy.  I really don't know what else to say, but I can totally relate.  In fact, I came to a realization.

I sympathize with going to work pretending everything was okay when it isn't.  I did that for a very long time.  I hope you are able to relax and even enjoy it.

[woodsgnome]

Growing up, I think I lost the 'feeling' response entirely. But especially the yearning to feel loved. I've never recovered what I wasn't allowed to have, it seems. For me, it's one of the worst consequences of growing up...actually not growing up--it really was nothing more than desperate survival which saps all of one's energy in so many ways it's a wonder when one emerges from it.

I'm just back from a workshop on healing memories. I'm so alone it took a bit to relate to being in a group setting, but it soon became apparent that even the facilitators and the handful of participants shared that trait in abundance. But something that still resonates is how ingrained I still am; how I'm 'trained' to feel unloved and unworthy of it. I was afraid going into the experience of what I'll call 'happy talk', but it wasn't--love was really meant while not avoiding the dark paths it took to reach this stage.

I hate to say I'm still struggling with the reality of the love I felt within this group. But I'm determined to find a way to continue the path started there. I so hope you find a way to get to love. It's what you deserve, PeTe. 

[fighter]

I feel it too. A deep unfulfillable need to be loved and to love. It's like an ache thqt is always there.

[PeTe]

I'm not surprised that others too have this longing for love here, and it's  a shame that we didn't get what we needed when we were younger! I imagine how it would have been if I had memories of nice, fulfilling moments as my platform, how that would have given me a feeling of being safe and worth something. That's not how I remember it. I remember a lot of insecurity  around myself and my family's mood in many memories. The best memories are usually memories where I'm doing something by myself, when I could enter a sort of flow and be less conscious of things.

In a way it's an arrest in an emotional development, and in several ways I feel a whole lot more immature than my age would imply.

[PeTe]

Today I'm feeling unloved by everyone again, like all people want to do me harm. Really exaggerated thinking/feeling. It's because of this conflict at work. The HR department was part of the original problem, and they're still a part of the problem. The way they behave, try to avoid talking about what happened/avoiding guilt/blaming me for various things, it's all just too much. I put up with it, and gradually things got worse. When I don't stand up for myself, I seem to go into a negative spiral, where the lack of self care I show turns into feelings of noone liking me. These are really strong feelings, like life isn't worth living. So I'm going to make a stand, even if I hate conflicts. I'm having the social services call them in for a joint meeting, so they can't just behave the way they want. If that doesn't work, I'll escalate things further, first internally in the company, then externally. I'm just not going to put up with how they treat me. They suck, I don't!

[Deep Blue]

 

Way to go! You are so brave to take a stand.  I'm glad you have already made steps to do so.

[PeTe]

I should try to think of that cheering emoticon every time I feel it's too hard to take the conflict. I picture myself sitting in that meeting, thinking about the emoticon 

[Boatsetsailrose]

I can so relate thank you for helping me feel a little more lovable by not feeling lovable

[PeTe]

Glad I could be of help, Boatsetsailrose.

[Rainstorm11]

I do, too. You are not alone. We can keep trying to receive love from self and others eventhough we didn't feel it from them.