Disowned, again

Started by Dee, April 09, 2018, 04:06:43 AM

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Dee


Something has been going on with me.  I've relapsed in exercise and eating disorder issues.  I'm touchy and take things the wrong way.  I've been disowned by my sister for the second time in my life.  The first time is when my dad went to prison.  This time, I have started talking to a cousin that she has forbidden me from talking to.  My cousin hasn't done anything wrong, just my sister fiercely defending her denial.  My mom has also forbidden me from talking to her.  It is only a matter of time before my sister tells my mom.  My cousin's big crime was lending my mom a lot of money (huge amount) then accusing her of not repaying it because of a gambling problem, all of it is true.

I have kids that are in the military.  I have my family in another country.  I have a good friend, who can only be so much.  I am alone.  Maybe I am in a huge EF of when I was 17 and alone, desperately trying to survive.

The hard thing today is my mom invited me for breakfast with my sister.  I said I already had plans.  She asked me to tell my sister.  To keep up appearances I did, so when my mom met her she would know where I was.  I sent a text and she never acknowledged it.  She wants me to apologize for talking to my cousin.  I feel I can talk to who I want, she doesn't have to like it, but should respect it.  My sister once didn't talk to her son for two years.  I don't think this is a short term issue and I can not apologize so she will like me.  I have to defend my rights as a person.

Hope67

Hi Dee,
I just wanted to say that I would like to offer you a hug, if it's ok  :hug: and say that I think you have every right to talk to who you want to talk to. 
Hope  :)

Blueberry

Quote from: Dee on April 09, 2018, 04:06:43 AM
  I feel I can talk to who I want, she doesn't have to like it, but should respect it.  ... I can not apologize so she will like me.  I have to defend my rights as a person.

:yeahthat:   Absolutely.

Will write more later.  :hug: :hug:

Sceal

That's a rough situation Dee.
You have every right to choose who to interact with, and who to be friends without anyone telling you this or that.
If your sister is going to be angry about that, that is all on her. I know it doesn't help the hurt of being disowned, but you haven't done anything wrong in just talking to your cousin.

California Dreaming

Hi Dee. I agree with the others that you have done nothing wrong. I also am drawn to, "Maybe I am in a huge EF of when I was 17 and alone, desperately trying to survive." The word huge stands out to me. In my first post, I used the word massive to describe my recent triggered state. For me, opening my eyes in the morning can be a trigger. I have learned to distinguish my daily flashbacks from the massive or huge ones. When it falls into the huge category, I consciously engage in more self-soothing behaviors. It can be very difficult when the inner critic is wearing me out. I hope that with us you can feel less alone :)

Blueberry

Quote from: Dee on April 09, 2018, 04:06:43 AM
Maybe I am in a huge EF of when I was 17 and alone, desperately trying to survive.

This hit me because that would make a huge EF, remembering being 17, alone and trying to survive. Especially remembering the way we CPTSD-ers tend to, flash-backing in emotions and possibly all 5 senses.    :fallingbricks:  17 is young to be all alone. You know yourself because you have kids. Sympathy for 17 year old you.

Also I had massive flashbacks and other problems when I finally realised FOO is so not there for me and I needed to back out, go VVVLC. It was a heart-wrenching time. :'(  I really feel for you.  :hug: :hug: Idk if it helps to remember that you did survive and also brought up 2 kids successfully. If not, ignore.

I hope you can feel the presence of your dogs. I know they're not people, but they are real. You can touch them and they can touch you. We on here are people but not real, tangible, present, in the way your dogs are. I hope we and your dogs can make you feel less alone.  :hug:


fighter

Hi Dee,
It makes me so angry that people like abusive family members would try to take our power away from us, and seem to see themselves as somehow superior even though this is clearly not the case.  How dare they? 
I hope that we can all find the strength to let them know that they are the ones not worthy of contact from us.  We deserve better
*Hugs!*

Dee


I'm still struggling some.  I appreciate your support.  I keep feeling bad and I have to stop and process it.  What did I do wrong, I feel wrong, but what did I do?  Then I know, I didn't do anything.  It certainly helps to have the support that I do here.  It helps me talk myself through it.

Three Roses


Susie24

OHHH I know the name of this tune.  Only talk to who I want you to talk to.  Then if you do not listen and talk to them anyway.... you are disowned.  This has happened so many times to me.  I have been written out of wills and had my name taken off property because I did not listen and reached out to family members who were off limits.   :fallingbricks: :fallingbricks:  I still have panic flashbacks about what will happen to me because it was so damaging to me.  Stay strong.  Talk to whoever brings you peace in this life.