Trouble being seen by others

[Blueberry]

This is a biggie. I work freelance. It's good to get yourself and your work out there so people can see what you have on offer. This evening I was checking something on the website of my professional association and it hit me again that I still don't have a photo of myself there although probably 90% of people do. It's highly recommended for your own marketing just among freelance colleagues. I like getting a picture of my freelance colleagues myself, seeing what they might be like based on their photo.

But my own picture? No. It's not so much a technical problem of how to upload, although that's there a bit too, but it's much more a problem of - I can't put my picture there. Dangerous. Somebody might see me. There's so much wrong with me physically, appearance-wise according to FOO. But that's still what sits - FOO's out-of-date opinion.

The really crazy thing which occurred to me again this evening is: quite a few other members of the association have pictures of themselves standing or sitting out in nature, surrounded by wild-flowers or relaxing in a chair in the garden. Not everybody by any means is sitting there in a fancy suit and/or heels and makeup with a standard photo backdrop. The latter is not my 'look' at all and is not how I dress. But I haven't so far managed to allow myself even one of the less formal type photos either.

Also I could have made more advertising and marketing-wise of an opportunity I had at my disposal for a good number of years but soon won't. But obviously I wasn't able to make more of it. I remember sometimes people nicely suggesting this and that but I know if my internal impulse is SH (even if I don't actually do it) then that tells me to stay away or work on the topic with T. But not force myself through it with no support. Not when SH impulse is as bad as it was with this topic.

I actually accept this topic fairly well, accept my limitations here.