Why do I have to be so easily hurt?

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DecimalRocket

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Why do I have to be so easily hurt?
« on: April 12, 2018, 09:45:12 AM »
Sorry for hogging more of the spotlight lately. For some reason, my heart has been aching for more and more support these days. I can't focus on giving at all now, and my emotions just need to receive too.

Growing up, I saw lots of people who complain about people getting easily offended these days. Say someone who was given the wrong Starbucks order, or someone who felt they were entitled to an award even if they didn't work hard at all. They always talked in media about how the youngest generation now are the most entitled and narcissistic.

I was severely depressed and anxious for much of my life. I didn't know it was because of trauma, and when I couldn't find a reasonable explanation for all of it even with all the years of effort I gave to being happy, I just concluded I was being too entitled. Too easily hurt over "unimportant" things that happened in the past, and I must have been incredibly petty. It was also making me more easily hurt in the present, particularly because of EFs.

Sigh. Maybe I actually am acting too entitled and petty.

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Rainagain

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Re: Why do I have to be so easily hurt?
« Reply #1 on: April 12, 2018, 11:24:45 AM »
Its OK to feel more in need of support at times.
We have emotional injuries so we are more easily hurt again than most people.
I also think being depressed and anxious can 'allow' people to cause us more harm, or maybe its just that we are more reactive to the actions of others.
We quietly rock though, we try and try, must count for something eh?

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Deep Blue

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Re: Why do I have to be so easily hurt?
« Reply #2 on: April 12, 2018, 12:24:12 PM »
We all struggle at more times than others,
I totally get where you are coming from.  Sometimes something that doesnít typically bother me can really knock me off my game.  For example, Iíve been getting pressure from a lot of people to have another kid. Most days I let it roll off my shoulders, this week it became a source of stress.

We all have our times we need more support and this is called a ďsupport forumĒ. We are here for you  :grouphug:

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Blueberry

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Re: Why do I have to be so easily hurt?
« Reply #3 on: April 12, 2018, 04:19:12 PM »
Its OK to feel more in need of support at times.
We have emotional injuries so we are more easily hurt again than most people.
I also think being depressed and anxious can 'allow' people to cause us more harm, or maybe its just that we are more reactive to the actions of others.

 :yeahthat:

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Nikki

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Re: Why do I have to be so easily hurt?
« Reply #4 on: April 12, 2018, 04:21:18 PM »
Don't say sorry for needing more support, take as much spotlight as you need :hug:


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EmilyNobody

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Re: Why do I have to be so easily hurt?
« Reply #5 on: April 13, 2018, 06:22:17 AM »
I take comfort in this forum and I'm glad you do too. Keep posting.

I understand deeply about privilege and trauma. Priviledge allowed me to call my childhood "just fine". Priviledge allows me to minimize, to distance myself from what has never seemed real--neither I nor the world seem real.

I also spent two decades plus calling my suffering the orabourus of anxiety and depression. I'm still working on calling it trauma. I still often have extreme reactions to minor things, and instead of recognizing that I am likely in EF, I assume I'm crazy or overly dramatic or both.

So post as much as you want. Posting here, at least for me, is a form of owning my past, attempting to finally make it real.

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DecimalRocket

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Re: Why do I have to be so easily hurt?
« Reply #6 on: April 13, 2018, 12:29:20 PM »
For all.  :grouphug:

Thanks for telling me itís okay to ask support. I guess itís awkward to me ó to open up this way even if itís just online. Itís a step up from being entirely isolated that Iím approachable enough to start conversations well, but terrible at maintaining them. Doesnít make much for closer friendships really.

I like a sense of community more than closeness with specific people, but Iíd like a much deeper sense of community somehow in real life. Even though Iím naturally really introverted. Iím too introverted to have the energy talking to large groups of people, but Iíd like to switch between different people one on one over time. Maybe even with a small group when ocasionally up for it. It would soothe my hunger for different perspectives.

Donít know if thatís possible with my shyness though. Iím too distant, and Iím afraid my cPTSD would be found out sooner or later. Along with being hurt a lot more easily than I look.


« Last Edit: April 13, 2018, 12:35:12 PM by DecimalRocket »

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DecimalRocket

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Re: Why do I have to be so easily hurt?
« Reply #7 on: April 14, 2018, 10:55:33 AM »
No one?

Never mind. Maybe what I just said was stupid.

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Deep Blue

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Re: Why do I have to be so easily hurt?
« Reply #8 on: April 14, 2018, 12:11:48 PM »
Sorry decimal rocket,
I read your post last night but am still really struggling. I hope just a :hug: is ok

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sanmagic7

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Re: Why do I have to be so easily hurt?
« Reply #9 on: April 14, 2018, 04:45:56 PM »
for all my sassiness and loud-mouthed interactions, i can come across as tough, self-assured, and strong amongst people, but i'm an absolute mush inside.  very sensitive, cry easily, and need gentleness and caring above all.  we all have our protective devices, but sometimes they backfire until we allow our true vulnerability out.

never stupid, d.r.    love and a big hug.