Hi there! (That sounds so generic...)

[Amethyst]

Hello everyone. It has been years since I've posted to a discussion forum, and I have to admit it makes me a smile for the nostalgic days of the internet. It feels good to be away from Facebook.

For now I prefer to be referred to by my alias, although in time I may reveal my real name.

I'm here simply to find people who understand where I'm coming from with the day-to-say struggles of having complex trauma. Even though I know there's others like me out there, the truth is that I still feel somewhat alone in my feelings and thoughts. My brother understands me since we suffered much of the same things, but otherwise... I just don't think people get it. I'm also the only person out of my friends who has suffered extensive long-term trauma; they don't understand why I'm not just "over it" yet or they burden me with the "but you're a survivor, you're so strong" mentality. I know they mean well, but it is exhausting.

I've suffered from C-PTSD all of my life, but under the diagnoses of major depressive disorder, bipolar II disorder (I disagree with this one), persistent depressive disorder/dysthymia, and post-traumatic stress disorder. I have been ruled out for personality disorders. Anyway, I am now in treatment for C-PTSD although my diagnosis is MDD.

On the outside, I am a peer specialist at a mental health agency. I work on the "warm line" by listening to callers' concerns and then linking them to services if needed. My agency is also in the process of opening a respite home as a hospital diversion for people in crisis; when it opens my responsibilities will more so be at the respite rather than on the phone.

In addition, I am a social work student. At the post-graduate level I intend to go for certification in trauma studies and treatment.

All of that aside... I have a wonderful, supportive, truly loving boyfriend. We have three cats and a crested gecko. I'm a writer, and...uh... I play Pokémon when I'm bored (yes you can laugh) and my favorite show is Breaking Bad. 

I was going to say more but I don't want to be breaking the rules, so I will end this here. I do promise to be an active member here as I cannot stand it when people post something once only to vanish. I am determined to heal from complex trauma, and I want to dedicate my life to helping others who have suffered from this psychological injury. How could I not? Trauma is all I know... but I am tired of it ensnaring me.

This looks like a very warm, welcoming community. I'm happy to be a part of it. See you around!

[C.]

Welcome!  I like rocks (Amethyst), Breaking Bad, have worked in a very similar profession as a case manager/home visitor, and have often been surrounded by social workers and counselors

My favorite scene in Breaking Bad was when he acknowledged the "real" reason that he sold drugs...the excitement...brutal, painful honesty.  I know that I'm drawn to all forms of media that tell the story of Survivors. 

I appreciate what you say about being an active member and look forward to learning together.

[Kizzie]

Hi Amethyst and welcome to OOTS     Another big fan of Breaking Bad here,  I miss it I must say    Have you seen the spinoff "Better Call Saul" yet?   My son was a big fan of Pokemon - hard to believe that it's still so popular (he's 23) - should have bought shares in that company way back lol. Anyway, I digress. 

I think you'll find that this is a welcoming and supportive community. That's quite the list of diagnoses! Many of us have been through the gamut before arriving here and even if people don't have an "official" diagnosis of CPTSD, it's not a problem - everyone here just knows they're (finally) in the right place and that CPTSD fits what they've been experiencing (or what a family member of friend has). 

Feel free to post more about yourself here when you feel comfortable or in any of the forums that seem relevant   

[Amethyst]

Thanks for the warm wishes everyone!

Welcome!  I like rocks (Amethyst), Breaking Bad, have worked in a very similar profession as a case manager/home visitor, and have often been surrounded by social workers and counselors

My favorite scene in Breaking Bad was when he acknowledged the "real" reason that he sold drugs...the excitement...brutal, painful honesty.  I know that I'm drawn to all forms of media that tell the story of Survivors. 

I appreciate what you say about being an active member and look forward to learning together.

It's always nice to meet someone in a similar profession!

I don't have a favorite scene from BB but I do agree that the one you mentioned was very powerful. Walt himself is a fascinating character. There were certainly times I was livid with him, but at the same time I cared about him and wanted things to work out for him and those he loves. My favorite character is Jesse, though.

Hi Amethyst and welcome to OOTS     Another big fan of Breaking Bad here,  I miss it I must say    Have you seen the spinoff "Better Call Saul" yet?   My son was a big fan of Pokemon - hard to believe that it's still so popular (he's 23) - should have bought shares in that company way back lol. Anyway, I digress. 

Yeah, I saw the first two episodes of BCS. I'm liking it so far! Hopefully it's as powerful as BB. James/Saul is a great character (one of my favorites) and Bob Odenkirk is a very talented actor, so I'm sure that the series is going to be great in the long term. I'm also happy that already the character has slid in some of his quirky humor -- the "you're like a troll under a bridge" comment made at Mike made me laugh.