Issues with Over/Under Eating - Part 2 (Locked)

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Kizzie

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Re: Issues with Over/Under Eating - Part 2 (Open Thread)
« Reply #30 on: August 25, 2018, 06:20:05 PM »
Good job Elph for patiently (and sometimes I'm sure not so patiently) working past/through/around your ICr tirades  :thumbup: 

I have been struggling so long with food as comfort/numbing without much success which is one reason I am headed back to therapy. It has gotten way worse since Trump came into power so I need to deal with it. I am hoping EMDR will help with moving the trauma to a distance so I am not as 'driven' (which is what it feels like) to overeat. I feel like it will allow me to find other sources of comfort and reduce the need to numb when I am stressed. 

I hope your therapy/EMDR helps you shift that "not good enough" core belief   :yes:

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Elphanigh

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Re: Issues with Over/Under Eating - Part 2 (Open Thread)
« Reply #31 on: August 26, 2018, 04:40:50 AM »
Thanks Kizzie, i got some sushi today (my favorite food if I had to pick one) and got to enjoy it without any Icr thoughts. It was wonderful. Also went swimming and was kind to myself when the thought shappened. Today is a patient day, but you are definitely right there are some days where it is not so patient at all. I am hopeful my emdr will help the core belief as well. It has done a chunk for it, but I recognize I have a long ways to go.

I hope your emdr can help with this as well. Trump has made such an impact everywhere it is no wonder you are struggling with this.

Also thank you for elaborating on how it feels to overeat, I appreciate the bit of insight. It is a similar feeling for under eating, am intrigued by how similar the two habits can be as far as underlying causes/feelings that drive them.

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Kizzie

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Re: Issues with Over/Under Eating - Part 2 (Open Thread)
« Reply #32 on: August 26, 2018, 05:46:36 PM »
Quote
i got some sushi today (my favorite food if I had to pick one) and got to enjoy it without any Icr thoughts. It was wonderful. Also went swimming and was kind to myself when the thought shappened. Today is a patient day

 :cheer:    :applause:     :thumbup:

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Elphanigh

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Re: Issues with Over/Under Eating - Part 2 (Open Thread)
« Reply #33 on: August 26, 2018, 06:55:11 PM »
Thank you for always celebrating the small victories Kizzie  :hug: ;D

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Blueberry

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Re: Issues with Over/Under Eating - Part 2 (Open Thread)
« Reply #34 on: August 26, 2018, 07:31:04 PM »
We are still under evacuation alert from two wild fires burning near us (five weeks now), and a couple of days ago one moved quite close - put on quite the show for the village for three nights. My H was away the first night we started seeing the fire move closer (ironically he was deployed to the emergency ops centre for the province that deals with wild fires).  Anyway, being alone did not help obviously and right away I started having really strong cravings for salty and sugary snacks which says a lot about stress, anxiety, trauma, the need for comfort/numbing and eating issues. 

Kizzie, rather belatedly I'd like to say I'm sorry you're still under so much stress with the wildfires and sorry also that that really upped your cravings when your H had to go away as the fire moved closer. (I'm really lucky in that it is not burning in my part of Europe, dry - yes. Even way too dry, but fire - no.)

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Blueberry

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Re: Issues with Over/Under Eating - Part 2 (Open Thread)
« Reply #35 on: August 26, 2018, 08:01:36 PM »
Problems I'm having with cycling i.e. numbness may become the tipping point for me. 

I regret to say that it's already turned into "tipping point" in theory only, not practice. Either I'm so 'practised' in a bad way at turning to non-nutritious food or too much food of any type for all sorts of reasons or it really is a trauma thing I can't break through on my own, or a combo of the two.

With all this talk of EMDR on the forum, I'm even wondering if I might ask my T if he could envisage it now for me esp. with this eating problem. My eating disorder spiralled out of control at Horrendous FOO Event no. 1 where I was really badly dissociated and remained switching in and out of reality for about 3 weeks. In the early stages of all that, I was eating whole plate-loads, sometimes not even with a knife and fork. There was no Adult really present or available in me to direct things in a healthier way. It also seemed from the brief flashes of memory that I have of this time that eating was almost an instinctual or at least very basic activity for staying alive, for pulling through. On the face of it, I wasn't in any kind of physical danger or danger of starvation. Emotional 'danger' with all the flashbacks and drifting in and out of reality - that yes.

The other problem I have in general with my various addictions - even my form of SH is somewhat addictive/compulsive - is that I can maybe sort of get one under control in a 'white-knuckled abstinence' kind of way, but then I tend to implement the other more. With eating, if I cut out sugar, I want more fat and vice versa. I know there's a term for that but I can't remember it any language rn.

This evening I had a healthy tasty meal with lots of organic vegetables, both raw and cooked.  :)

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Kizzie

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Re: Issues with Over/Under Eating - Part 2 (Open Thread)
« Reply #36 on: August 27, 2018, 12:42:15 AM »
'white-knuckled abstinence' is a perfect way to describe how I feel too BB.  That's how every attempt to lose weight has been for me - a teeth gritting affair with younger me screaming and crying in the background the whole time until I tire and give in.  I constantly hear her yelling "No way am I giving up this one little bit of comfort I have, I have already lost way too much!" 

I managed to help her with doctors and dentists and other things she was afraid of, but this one is so persistent I'm just not sure what to do. It's obviously a really deep core issue. I gained so much weight since Trump got into power and then with the fire situation recently and the need for snacks having gone way up I realized it's something that runs very deep and is closely connected to my trauma.  Perhaps because eating is so closely related to our very survival and thus deep in the primal parts of the brain, it's just not easy to get at and deal with.  :Idunno:   Whatever the case I just need a helping hand. 

I hope EMDR helps, we'll see.  In any event I'll be sure and post here about how it goes for me. 
 
« Last Edit: August 27, 2018, 12:50:21 AM by Kizzie »

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Elphanigh

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Re: Issues with Over/Under Eating - Part 2 (Open Thread)
« Reply #37 on: September 01, 2018, 04:47:30 AM »
So bit of a step back tonight, but I am am writing here in hopes that it is not a bigger step back. I was somewhere I had access to a scale, didnít use it for multiple hours, but did eventually. Seeing the number 160 bothers me or my core. Even though I know it truly shouldnít. I am tall and have a lot of muscle especially in my legs from all that I do, and it is technically a healthy weight for me even without being muscular. However, I just get the instant want to drop twenty bounds reaction. Then the guilt for eating like I have this week, including the homemade ice cream I had at my friends tonight...

I could have healthier habits, but I also donít truly need to lose twenty pounds either. I find that developing good habits more intentionally has led to an obsessive kind of diet, or just more body negativity so I donít eat or eat very little. Like trying to help the problem makes it worse.

Perfectionism has been a huge thing this week, so my body image issues has been awfully high anyways.... this just kind of made them worse. As did talking to my M and D last night over skype. *sigh*

I have yoga tomorrow morning, and will make a point to ensure I eat something sufficient before going to do that, even if the inner critic hates it,

Thanks for letting me share here.

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Blueberry

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Re: Issues with Over/Under Eating - Part 2 (Open Thread)
« Reply #38 on: September 01, 2018, 01:54:10 PM »
Wishing you well and wishing you body acceptance, Elpha. These eating issues are a downer.

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Elphanigh

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Re: Issues with Over/Under Eating - Part 2 (Open Thread)
« Reply #39 on: September 01, 2018, 04:56:20 PM »
Thank you, Blueberry  :hug: My hour and a half vinyasa class was helpful. Seeing how much my body can do and is capable of reminds me to be a little more kind to it.

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Blueberry

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Re: Issues with Over/Under Eating - Part 2 (Open Thread)
« Reply #40 on: September 04, 2018, 04:36:47 PM »
I brought up my eating issues in T today. I have homework on them. Basically mindfulness and write it down so that we can find a few underlying topics and maybe do EMDR or brainspotting on them. Although I have kept this kind of log in the past, I can tell that this one is going to be a bit different. My task is to observe, not berate myself or tell myself I "should" be doing something different. No, first observe and note. And then next time in T we'll see where we can go with this.

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Elphanigh

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Re: Issues with Over/Under Eating - Part 2 (Open Thread)
« Reply #41 on: September 04, 2018, 11:06:47 PM »
Way to go Blueberry!  :cheer: that's a tough thing to do. I really hope it helps. Let us know how it goes :)

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Kizzie

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Re: Issues with Over/Under Eating - Part 2 (Open Thread)
« Reply #42 on: September 05, 2018, 05:02:37 PM »
I will be really interested to hear how this unfolds BB  :yes:   

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Blueberry

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Re: Issues with Over/Under Eating - Part 2 (Open Thread)
« Reply #43 on: September 05, 2018, 05:08:58 PM »
I'm noticing the effect already in a good way. T said I would. At least he said doing this would lead to a change all by itself before we get onto EMDR or brainspotting.

Mindfulness is strenuous for me. I feel it's just as well there's not much else going on this week. Mindfulness on all food topics. That includes food-shopping, preparation and how I feel after the meal as well as immediately before and during. There are memories coming up, not huge ones so far. Just as well I can now observe a memory without diving in and overwhelming myself. Just allow it to drift by, I note it, and the mindfulness continues.

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Elphanigh

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Re: Issues with Over/Under Eating - Part 2 (Open Thread)
« Reply #44 on: September 05, 2018, 07:56:50 PM »
That is really positive and sounds like such huge progress.  ;D :cheer: :hug: