Dear Almost Adult Me

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DecimalRocket

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Dear Almost Adult Me
« on: April 23, 2018, 07:30:41 AM »
Dear Almost Adult Me,

I'm sorry I didn't live up to your standards. I'm sorry I wasn't a good enough kid for you. I know you're trying to give all the compassion you can for me, but I think I'm a lost case. I'm worthless to society. I'm worthless to the people around me. I know you care, but I don't care about myself. I'm someone from the past that has never evolved, because you're what I've evolved in, and so I just better disappear.

But I'm not, and I don't know how. I'm still scared through you. I still feel alone through you. I still feel ashamed and guilty through you. I haunt you through your present life, and I'm sorry. But I wish I could have tried harder, and even though you believe I could be better, I can't. I'm little you with the memories of older us, and because of this, I know I deserve better.

I'm no coward like an older 15 year old self. I fight. I believe in us. I'm tired of this illogical bull. It may be naive optimism, but I know I did well. You've forgotten when you've got your panties in all this emotionally mushy stuff, and I agree, that's mature. But man up now, and show yourself some compassion like a real damn father to your inner child, or else I'm going to shower you with more insults I learned from Google.

Sincerely,
12-13 Year Old You.

Dear Almost Gone From The * of Puberty Me,

I-I- I know I'm jittery. I know I'm anxious. But I'm not a coward like . . . someone else mentioned. I- I know what I'm doing! But can you please give me some encouragement? Maybe love and care? I fell in love with a girl, and I never admitted it. She was sweet as a friend, and then she had to leave.

The nearest stable joy I have is in thinking, and I'm not sure if it's a joy rather than a safety. I wish you'd be a good mother to me, and take care of me. Sometimes I doubt things so hard that I doubt the existence of reality itself. If my thoughts are not worth trusting, is anyone else worth trusting? Do I trust that I trust others or do I not? The Earth is definitely flat, but my emotions aren't.

Before I was numbed enough to believe in myself and not cry. But now everything is coming out in tears. I'm confused. Emotions are weird. They're utterly illogical. I'm feeling new emotions, like compassion and connection. What about the cons to all this? What if I start feeling the hurt everyone else talks about when in conflict with their friends and family? What if I start worrying or getting too attached that I'll miss people? It'd be so much easier to be alone, but I can't.

I can't.

Help? I'm sorry for asking.

Sincerely,

14-15 Year Old You.

Dear Me. . . Just a Year From Now,

I had some bad ideas, I'm sure of it, but I didn't know where to go. I just wanted some love, and care, and everything, and so I bragged myself off on social media sites. Not even the ones with my real face or name in it. Just the ones with usernames, and everything. What's the use of giving it up?

If I told about myself, everyone will hate me. Look at how people see people like me? Chasing for upvotes online? Wow, how immature. How stupid. How attention seeking. Haha. Who'd care about me? Who'd care about anything I do? I've been doing this for years, and I'm still not happy.

Have you seen how I knew over 50 articles on self help, done it all, yet made barely any progress? Did you see that? Who'd love a liar? Who'd love me. Inside, I'm a monster who wants to be worshipped. Inside, I'm an insecure being without any accomplishments. People say they want someone inspiring, but they call that person fake. People say they want something real, but they call that person pathetic. I mean, they never really said that to me, but that's probably what they're thinking, right?

Tell me I don't deserve to die like what they're thinking of me.

Sincerely,
Late 15-Early 16 Year Old Self.

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DecimalRocket

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Re: Dear Almost Adult Me
« Reply #1 on: April 29, 2018, 12:24:51 AM »
Dear Almost Adult Me,

Why are people kind to me? Don稚 they see how horrible I am? I知 egotistical. I知 doing this all for myself. I should be hated. I should be abused. I should be abandoned.

I致e never tried my best. I知 still full of pride, and you know that. My story is pathetic at best, and my efforts are monstrous at worst. I am no saint. I am no humble and gentle soul. Why do you care about me?

Don稚 you see what I致e done? It痴 full of mistakes and misunderstandings. It痴 full of barely anyone caring due to my own fault. I must have manipulated people into believing I was a good person, and now people are caring for me through my own lies.

I知 addicted to all those grandiose views of me. Addicted to all those gentle words, praise, and encouragement from others. But I must be arrogant to think that all those are true.

So why?

Sincerely,
Your vulnerable heart.
« Last Edit: April 29, 2018, 12:33:41 AM by DecimalRocket »

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DecimalRocket

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Re: Dear Almost Adult Me
« Reply #2 on: April 29, 2018, 01:35:52 AM »
Dear Present DR,

There痴 something wrong with me. I知 wrapped in the delusion that I知 worth something. That I知 worthy of love. People say everyone deserves love, including me, but is that really true?

Don稚 some people need to be punished? Don稚 some people need to be excluded for the good of the majority? Aren稚 I some kind of virus that has leeched over everyone by asking for too much help? Aren稚 I a burden?

Something is wrong with me. I don稚 even know what it is. I just know there痴 something wrong, and that I知 unaware of it. That if I keep searching, I値l finally find a valid reason that I知 worthless.

I致e gone through no tragedy. It could have been worse. Everyone else has it worse than me. Everyone else deserves help more than me. Everyone else are better off living without me.

I don稚 understand. Not at all.

Sincerely,
Your vulnerable child.

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DecimalRocket

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Re: Dear Almost Adult Me
« Reply #3 on: April 30, 2018, 08:13:13 AM »
Dear Inner Children,

I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry. I知 sorry.