Can someone acknowledge my existence please?

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DecimalRocket

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Can someone acknowledge my existence please?
« on: April 29, 2018, 01:18:08 PM »
Haha. . . sorry. Just making sure I haven't been abandoned by everyone yet by how terrible I am.  :fallingbricks:

I exist, right? Someone tell me I exist.

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Deep Blue

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Re: Can someone acknowledge my existence please?
« Reply #1 on: April 29, 2018, 01:24:25 PM »
Rocket,
You exist. We acknowledge you.   :grouphug:  I have a feeling something else is going on and eating at you.  We are here when you feel ready to share it.
Love,
Deep Blue

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Gromit

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Re: Can someone acknowledge my existence please?
« Reply #2 on: April 29, 2018, 02:55:55 PM »
I know that feeling.
Yes, you exist, you are important Decimal Rocket.

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Slim

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Re: Can someone acknowledge my existence please?
« Reply #3 on: April 29, 2018, 04:51:21 PM »
Hi there
The fear of ceasing to exist? I know that fear intimately. Decimal Rocket, those feelings, imho, were an emotional flashback.
Slim

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RecoveryRandal

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Re: Can someone acknowledge my existence please?
« Reply #4 on: April 29, 2018, 05:16:12 PM »
You exists, and I value your contributions to this forum.

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Rainagain

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Re: Can someone acknowledge my existence please?
« Reply #5 on: April 29, 2018, 06:32:54 PM »
Hey,
No abandonment here, whatever is happening you matter, you exist and we are here for you.

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Elphanigh

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Re: Can someone acknowledge my existence please?
« Reply #6 on: April 29, 2018, 06:44:29 PM »
Decimal, no one here will abandon you. I know how scary that feels, but you exist and are important. I promise

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sanmagic7

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Re: Can someone acknowledge my existence please?
« Reply #7 on: April 29, 2018, 06:52:11 PM »
ditto everyone's remarks.  love and hugs, sweetie.  you exist

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ah

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Re: Can someone acknowledge my existence please?
« Reply #8 on: April 29, 2018, 07:03:58 PM »
You not only exist, I think you're amazing.
You're so serious about the things you strongly believe in, you're willing to work hard on things that matter, you have a huge heart whether you talk or don't talk, and a sensitivity that's rare.
Most people in the world are indifferent... you know? They do what has to be done and then just sprawl out and turn their mind off and withdraw. They don't want to imagine good things that come as a result of hard work. They want good things to happen easily, quickly, without any effort. You're willing to put in effort into things and I think that's literally the most unique, important quality a person can have.

You wrote in response to my last post here that you feel close to me. I feel close to you too.

 :hug:
 :whistling:

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EmilyNobody

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Re: Can someone acknowledge my existence please?
« Reply #9 on: April 30, 2018, 02:34:45 AM »
You exist! I doubt this too myself sometimes, and can't go into more detail right now, but please know we're here, and you are real, this whole horrible, beautiful world is real. I hope you find some beauty soon.

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DecimalRocket

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Re: Can someone acknowledge my existence please?
« Reply #10 on: April 30, 2018, 12:52:01 PM »
 :grouphug: back to all.

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Estella

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Re: Can someone acknowledge my existence please?
« Reply #11 on: April 30, 2018, 04:28:13 PM »
 :grouphug: you exist decimal rocket and I'm glad to have "met" you through this forum

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MarkD67

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Re: Can someone acknowledge my existence please?
« Reply #12 on: April 30, 2018, 09:55:24 PM »
Hi DecimalRocket,

Please forgive me if this isn't appropriate.  :doh: I felt so strongly reading your post, but felt afraid to respond the way I wanted. I see the wonderful and supportive responses here, so I'll throw my 2 cents out in the hope it might help you.  :hug:

Until last year "I" didn't exist. I was a set of psychological defensive structures surrounding an emptiness I didn't realise was there.  :Idunno: It took time for me to really feel and acknowledge this. I'd spent a lifetime defending this insubstantial hole from ever being 'seen'. It was a very scary time.  :spooked: My psychiatrist called it 'Annihilation Anxiety'.  :disappear:

An infant doesn't have a sense of self. We are supposed to develop it through the process of mirroring and validation from our primary care giver. I learn I exist by seeing myself in your eyes. I recall the very few times in my life when i felt 'seen'. John Bradshaw calls it a sense of 'I am' ness. I-am-ness. It's taken a lot of work. I think it's had a lot to do with anger and conflict with my therapists,  :pissed: who have had the skills to validate those experiences, as well as practicing being present during my reliving the relational traumas. On top of this was an amazing exercise my psychiatrist gave me that I practiced daily. Giving me the opportunity to have internal experiences of a process of building separateness and a sense of self through this. Developmentally I've just gone through infancy to 2 years.  :stars: (LOL, and I'm almost 51). But I do have a felt sense of 'I-am-ness' today.  :heythere: Fragile and vulnerable at times, but present.

I don't know if this will serve you at all. I hope it does. I know what it was like for me, scary and lost. I've seen your name in so many threads, I hope you get the love and encouragement you need to continue your amazing contribution here.  :cheer: Thank you for your wisdom and experience.  :applause: Cheers

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DecimalRocket

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Re: Can someone acknowledge my existence please?
« Reply #13 on: May 01, 2018, 09:09:15 AM »
Thanks you two.  :hug:

Mark, what you said was okay. I found it wonderful to relate to you. Iíll probably need some time away from what you call my ďamazing contributionĒ here though. Donít have as much strength these days, and Iíd like some time in peace on my own. But I guess thatís alright.

Oh well.  :whistling:

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Sceal

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Re: Can someone acknowledge my existence please?
« Reply #14 on: May 01, 2018, 09:15:00 AM »
 :hug: