Job interviews, committee work, and general overachieving concerns

[roro-raccoon]

Hi all!

Just reaching out for support as I work my way through my first period of no-contact with the FOO. I've had many breakthroughs and good discussions with my therapist, yet I feel like my longstanding issues at school and work are the next layer of issues I'm becoming aware of. It's pretty overwhelming.

The narcissist of my family insisted on my overachieving and would claim credit for it (common story). Now I find myself deeply questioning my career choices, my tendency to work really hard to please co-workers, and my sensitivity to negative feedback at work. I don't know that I want to keep being an overachiever but I'm not sure how else to be.

I've also started getting triggered by potential narcissists at my workplace (higher ed...narcissist hot spot?). I find myself getting really frustrated with small instances of denial, enabling, egocentrism...etc. I'm pretty sure that my work environment mirrors the dysfunctions of my FOO and I'm having a hard time setting boundaries for myself to stay away from the drama and not take it personally.

I have two job interviews this month for full-time, permanent work (it took years to get to this point), and I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed and ambivalent about whether I want the jobs and whether I'll succeed.

Thanks in advance for any stories, words of wisdom, or encouragement!

Sincerely,

roro

[Rainagain]

Hi
You have a lot going on right now, its bound to make you question yourself.

I don't have much advice really, I think the irritating examples of narcissism should be ignored and distanced from as much as possible, I think a full time job is a good thing to strive for, I think you should try to do your job fully but keep it under control and spend effort on other interests as well.

It sounds trite and basic, but I know how hard the above list is to do with cptsd in the mix.

I suppose it means use your energy wisely, don't waste it on idiots or overachieving, keep it for yourself and have a positive outlet for it, something that brings you joy.

[Ruby]

Hi roro,

How's your month going so far?

I have two job interviews this month for full-time, permanent work (it took years to get to this point), and I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed and ambivalent about whether I want the jobs and whether I'll succeed.

This is amazing!  I can relate when you say "it took years" to get here. You are so strong.

How are things with your job hunt so far?

Once again, I'm happy for you that you've come this far. 

[roro-raccoon]

Hi all!

I made it through the job interviews. Not sure yet if I got one of the jobs, but trying to stay positive. I would say that I did a good job bringing positive energy and the appearance of confidence to each interview.

Unfortunately, the experience of job interviews is quite triggering for me. The FOO is obsessed with my career and academic achievement, so high stakes job stuff is still tough.

Leading up to the interviews, I really struggled with the critical inner voice of my mom...all the usual disparaging narcissistic ideas came up. I kept thinking about what she would say about my appearance, my outfit, my body language, posture....etc. Lots of feelings about whether I'm good enough and whether I deserve the jobs came up.

I try to remember that psychologically healthy people don't obsess and judge over a million tiny details related to appearance and behavior, but after a lifetime of constant criticism, it was tough to keep the negative thoughts away before and after the interviews.

I'm very thankful for everyone's support here! It really is a huge help when these moments arise.

Warmly,

roro