Hi (trigger warning)

[Recoveroholic]

Hello everyone,

I guess I start posting in this forum today, after reading some Posts in the last weeks, wich always really helped putting all the doubts about my recovery in perspective.

So I think I just say something about my Situation right now and my journey so far. Im currently 19 and moved out from my parents 6 months ago and quit contact aside from organizational stuff.
I started trying to meditate about 2,5 years ago when I was really depressed and barely left the house aside from school. But meditation brought up to much of my stuff (I didnt know anything about trauma at the time, though) so I tried a few other semi-helpful things including 3 months with a less than optimal therapist, until I learned about abuse/trauma last year, read walkers book and discovered that my alienation, fear and other problems actually have a name and pretty straight forward cause.

Since then I slowly & painfully started doing stuff again (playing piano, cooking...), learned flashback management & some mindfulness stuff and I fell pretty safe here with my roommates. All of which really helped to improve my state. Although I still wake up every morning with strong panic, often feel very light headed and foggy and sometimes sort of manic/grandiose.

Yesterday I had my first day at a job as a waiter, which is really frightening and triggering, like my whole situation, but im starting to run out of money. I had a first session with a psychotheriapist at a counceling place at a church where i live last week, and I hope she can help me, until i find a trauma therapist. She seems like a pretty fair human being.

I thank you all who read this and wish you all the strength you need to move on.

Ps: writing this was super triggering and took me a while

[Sceal]

Hey you!
Welcome to the forum, I hope you'll find a place here to help you get stronger in this tough time.
It sounds as if you have done alot of things that has helped you, although slowly. Recovery from trauma is a long winded road with many bumps and potholes. But hang in there!

There are a bunch of helpfull suggestions mentioned on this site on how to manage everyday challenges, perhaps you can try some of them out while you're dealing with your new job, hunting for a trauma-therapist and talking to this psychotherapist at church?
There is also the Healing Porch, which is a magical place to drop by when things get too much - and you just need a safe haven to be.

[California Dreaming]

Welcome Recoveroholic! It takes a great deal of courage to recover, and you have been courageous to post here. It makes sense that you were frightened and triggered by being around a bunch of strangers at work today. I hope that you find support from the OOTS community

[Kizzie]

Hi and a very warm welcome to OOTS Recoverholic   

It sounds like you are making a lot of progress so kudos to you     You certainly have all the tools and strategies going - distancing yourself from family chaos/trauma (I presume they were/are traumatizing?), meditation, therapy, reading about CPTSD, posting and reading here .... all good!   

Glad you found your way here and I too hope it will help you in terms of info, comfort and support 

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hi recoverolic
Courageous that you started a new job and did it, this gives me strength as I move forward.
Someone said to me lately 'fear isn't a fatality' it helps me ( although fear can feel so so hard.
All best wishes on the next stage in your recovery

[Deep Blue]

Welcome

[Recoveroholic]

Thank you for your kind replies, appeciate it! It all went fairly well so far, although still triggering.