Hello......

[Seeking Solace]

First of all... I am very sorry that you all have reason to be here... but at the same time, it is highly relieving to know that I am not alone.

I must admit I am kind of puzzled in where I belong in this place, but because the trauma began in early childhood and then built up from there with layers and layers of adult trauma. 

As for a safe and 'positive' introduction... I live deep in the blue ridge mountains where there are more trees than buildings, more greens than grays, with magnificent sky paintings and sculptured horizons fringed in bird song, rustling leaves and the sound of water tripping over stones on its way down the slopes. This place is the best medicine for my soul and I don't have to say a word. I am afraid to leave now that I have found this magical place. I am an artist, I draw things that calm me and comfort me. I work from home as a graphic designer and illustrator. Three of my five children live fairly close by. I am married to a man who shares my pain... he has Borderline Personality Disorder. We cling to each other and try to ride out each others emotional roller coaster ride. It is very hard at times -- but we really have been able to find a place to make a safe world for ourselves. Two broken people trying to soothe each other's pain, and sometimes stepping on each others triggers instead. My anger and emotionally distancing triggers his BPD.

In coming here, maybe I can find a way to not step on his heart so much. I am tired of hurting in silence and not being able to find words that aren't dismissed or misunderstood.

Thank you in advance for any help and support you might have... and I promise to try my best to be a source of patient and kind support.

[Hope67]

Hi Seeking Solace,
A very warm welcome to you.  I found it quite poetic to read your description of your home - the Blue Ridge Mountains, it sounds wonderful.  I am glad that you have your partner and your life there is a calming one in terms of the beauty of the place around you.

I hope you'll find being part of this forum to be supportive and I hope very much that you'll find it helpful and I look forward to seeing you around here. 
Hope 

[Kizzie]

Hi and a very warm welcome Seeking Solace     What a wonderful and magical place for your wounded self and that of your H! 

I wanted to pass along a resource by Pete Walker called "Lovingly Resolving Conflict"  that you might find useful with respect to your realtionship with your H.  Pete is a therapist in the US who has Complex PTSD and his work resonates with so many of us, I think because he knows CPTSD from the inside out (as a survivor), and the outside in (as a therapist).  Anyway, I hope it helps. 

There are lots of other resources not to mention support and discouragement here so please have a look around and keep on posting 

[California Dreaming]

Welcome Seeking Solace I used to live in the north Georgia mountains, so I can relate to your poetic description. Seeking solace reminds me of the Greek myth of Chiron, the wounded healer.

"I am tired of hurting in silence and not being able to find words that aren't dismissed or misunderstood." Hopefully, you will feel heard and understood here and hurt less.

[Sceal]

Welcome to the forum!

Your description of the area you live in, sounds nothing short of magical. My dream is to live in a similar place one day.
I hope that the forum here can help you find some solace, work through your pain and a place where you can learn more about what all of this stuff is and how to handle it.

Best wishes to you!

[Seeking Solace]

Thank you all for the warm words of welcome. I hope to be a source of strength and encouragement to others too.  I will try not to  like I often do on support forums if I get too discouraged...

I am good at fading away. Lots of practice. Wallflowers-R-Us is my favorite place to be.

[woodsgnome]

I'm able to relate to the fade-a-way trait you describe. Mine is directly related to my horrendous fear of people, and was also set in motion early on, with layers added along the way.

I also found intrigue with your life situation, as I too literally live alone in the woods. I prefer not to identify more than a general location, but suffice to say it's very far north of your locale. Being here almost defines the heart and soul of my survival. Interestingly, I also was able to build a vocational niche which involved more social interaction while still being able to easily retreat here. I guess that qualifies me as a sociable hermit, friendly but knowing my limits.

When I ran into this site/forum I felt it might be a place where I could stretch my horizons towards making some sense out of the senseless, as it were.  As others have mentioned, here we have a safe haven for trying to connect with others in various points of what's called recovery.

So good to see you've made it here, SeekingSolace...may you find a measure of peace here. 

[Deep Blue]

Welcome to the forum.  I hope you find it useful on as many different levels as I have. 

[LittleBoat]

Hello Deep Blue.  Hi.  I am new, also.  Your intro post is beautiful.  Your use of language is so poetic and wonderful.  It is clear that you are an artist, without you even having to tell us.  I, myself, am a poet.  Thank you for your beautiful and vivid introduction.  All best to you, Little Boat

[Seeking Solace]

Hi Little Boat -- Thank you for your kind words. I also write poetry/prose as well, but it has been a long time since I had the desire to do so. There is one piece written a few years ago I particularly love that expresses so much about CPTSD... before I even knew I had it. I may post it sometime -- when I am ready to share. To me it is so much more revealing than my art.

Painting with words is a gift, but it so starkly exposes one's soul at times... I would love to see some of your poetry, will you be posting any?

Seeking Solace

[Blueberry]

Hello and welcome 

I must admit I am kind of puzzled in where I belong in this place, but because the trauma began in early childhood and then built up from there with layers and layers of adult trauma. 

I think most of us post in the Childhood section if that's where the trauma began. It's not unusual for other traumas to be added later, kind of goes with the unhealed territory unfortunately. Also there are more people posting in the Childhood section to see your posts, and there are more subsections. Adulthood section was added at some point at the request of people where the trauma started in adulthood because of the idea that some aspects may be different if you weren't traumatised from childhood on.

Having said that, we're not strict on Adulthood/Childhood. You are welcome to post where you feel comfortable!