A weird but pretty accurate visual I discovered in our neighborhood ;-)

[fairyslipper]

I have been talking to my husband about how I must have some weird vibe or something I give off, that the predatory types detect and move in on. I was having a hard time explaining it tho in a way  he would understand. Several days after our last conversation about that, I was outside playing with our puppy and noticing how there is a patch of aspens growing a little distance away from us. I have noticed them before, but this time I realized THEY are a perfect example of what I was trying to explain. They are all growing there and all very healthy looking, large trees. BUT there are some that are in the more shady, valley areas and they have a distinct bend to them, from years of trying to reach toward the sun. Something that comes so effortlessly to the others. So you have this huge grove of aspens, with most of them standing tall and straight but about a quarter of them are very obviously slanted to anyone that is looking on. I am thinking that is how people like me and others that are people pleasers and suffering from cptsd might look to somebody looking on. Yes we are all growing toward the sun, but some of us are bent over, from having to work a little harder to get there..........and to the wrong person, that "handicap" is what they notice and move in on. Like the trees, we can't see it in ourselves, but to someone else it is plain as day how different they are. I don't know if this makes any sense lol.......but it was a pretty powerful visual for me. 

[schrödinger's cat]

Like this?



...it probably still produces wonderful olives, even though it's been sidetracked from its original direction 

That story of the aspens reminds me of something. Where I grew up, we had a smallish river that was bordered on both sides by poplars. They were a sight to see - straight, proud, glorious, looking like they've been there forever. But you see, we don't get much wind normally. Then one winter, there was a storm. The next morning, the poplars were gone. I think two or three were left standing. The rest? They just fell. They'd always been able to just grow tall and without hindrances, so they were too top-heavy and their roots weren't strong. -- There's no morale to that story, because saying "therefore we all of us have deeper roots" is cheap comfort, easily said but worthless. But I do think that now at least, in our recovey, we're digging down deeper than ordinary people ever do. And it would be nice to believe that this means we're creating something unusual, something that lasts. Not sure yet if that's true, but one can always hope, no?

[Butterfly]

See these are such beautiful visuals, much better than my thought of 'they can smell it on me like I'd eaten a bit too much garlic' then again who's drawn to garlic smelling people so it was a bad thought in the first place. It's just I pictured being sniffed out in the crowd. I'm rambling. Sorry. :p seriously I love visuals and these were great for me.

[schrödinger's cat]

You're not rambling! Or if you are, you're more to the point when you're rambling than I am when I'm trying to be concise.

I can relate to the garlic-in-a-crowd feeling, and how. It's just... there are so many little markers of normality, and I don't have them. Like the ability to smile a cheerful and sunny smile at the drop of a hat. For some reason, women my age seem to do that a lot. Everyone who picks their kid up at school looks exhilarated. And I'm not. So there's that. But maybe I'm putting too much pressure upon myself. After all, I've grown up frantically trying to hide how miserable I was, because whenever I showed someone, there was always criticism. So it's very possible that I've grown too perfectionist in my trying-to-blend-in endeavours.

Glad that you liked that photo. I googled 'gnarled tree' and that was the first photo I saw, and I thought: "Yes, THAT", because it's such a nice, inspirational image. Maybe we can be like that?

[Butterfly]

One of my favorite things to draw is a single tree in a field. It's also a common site in farm areas nearby. Solitary, steadfast, strong against the wind, and in winter the bare branches are especially touching. Still haven't put my finger on why I find it so beautiful when others find it so sad and lonely looking.

[schrödinger's cat]

That's an interesting question. I've always liked trees, too, especially solitary ones. There's such a lot of dignity in them, such a lot of calm, unobtrusive strength. Maybe the reason why others find this sad is the very reason we like it, what do you think? Because it's about being on one's own, unsheltered, tossed by the wind (which is all that other people see) but surviving, even prospering (which is what we see). Just a theory. Not sure.

[C.]

Great metaphor.  I love all "survivor" stories about trees, people, animals, insects, art, poetry...  The truth I see in the wind storm & tree story is that those who've not had to endure a crisis may be uprooted.  I know it's sad and tragic, but sometimes that happens.  For me, it's part of embracing and accepting my story as a Survivor.  The hardships we've faced and survived make us "different", but also stronger.

In the Pacific North West we have a pine tree that frequently grows at an angle with the wind.  I admire those pines and now with a newer, deeper understanding!

[fairyslipper]

I have always been drawn to trees. Even when I was a kid........I couldn't get my play clothes on quick enough after school lol to just go out in the woods and hike and enjoy the presence. They all have a story. So many different kinds, and different survival stories. I have seen trees that the wind blew over, that regrouped and started growing parallel to the ground. We have a pine in our yard that is growing out of rock. They are so amazing. Very inspiring creations I think. I love the lone trees too. There are enormous evergreens here that survive months with about 3 feet of their trunks frozen in the creeks during the winter........so amazing and majestic! Just beautiful!!!

[marycontrary]

Very nice metaphor....thank you!

[voicelessagony2]

I love it, what a wonderful way of thinking about being different.

I also have always wondered what it is about me that scares people off, and pretty much concluded that it must be like how a herd of wildebeest lets the weak ones get eaten by the lions, cull out the weak ones to make the herd stronger as a whole. I just figured, I must be like the weak wildebeest, and they just instinctively know it. Your metaphor is so much kinder!