Trouble finding a therapist

[numann]

Hi everyone. I've dealt with the consequences of cptsd and Narc abuse for over forty years but only recently found out about the actual disorders over the past couple of years.  Various therapists and marraige counselors had convinced me that my concerns over my treatment by my ex Npd W were manifestations arising from low self esteem,  paranoia, insecurity and self sabotage based on my " inability to get along with my mother".  Despite my best intuitions, I attempted to compromise and take responsibility for other peoples actions against me. This "gaslighting" made me very vunerable to much more abuse and betrayals and led to alot more pain on my part because you all know that  covert Narcs will take and use you until there is nothing left. These experiences had left me very cynical of the mental health profession.

Since I've come to understand the actual abuses I've suffered I've reached out to several therapists in my area who've professed to be well informed on trauma.  I equate a good T to a fitness trainer. I know whats necessary to get in shape but I need someone with the expertise to set up a special diet and help me train specific muscles. Unfortunately, all they have offered is  generalized, cookie cutter advice that doesn't address my condition, at best. And at worst, some have become downright hostile towards me, when their inability or lack of knowledge has been exposed. One even blamed me for allowing myself to be abused!  I find myself  having way more knowledge on the subjects than they do. . Troubled finding a capable T seems to be a common refrain on this board.  I would like to know if any of you all have found success "treating" yourselves. And if so, how.

[sanmagic7]

i've also had trouble finding t's who are actually helpful.  the last one lasted 6 mos. before i fired her.  i was the one directing the therapy.

i have to admit that most of my healing progress has come from this forum.  since i learned about narc abuse, did research for myself, and figured out a lot of things late into the game by and for myself, i've ended up relying on the support, validation, direction, and suggestions that i've gotten from people here.  i know i've made much more progress here than i have with any t in 35 yrs. of seeking therapy.

i think the key is being willing to share what we're scared of and about, keeping an open mind to what people may have to say, and keep moving.   i've found so much love, acceptance and kindness here, which, just those things in themselves, have helped tremendously with making strides in healing and recovery.

i'm very sorry for the lack of help, and sometimes even harm, that you've experienced in the therapeutic community.  it just sucks.  hopefully, if you continue looking, you may eventually find someone who will, indeed, be helpful to you.  until then, i hope you find what i've found here, and you can continue to make progress.

love and hugs to you, numann, if that's ok.  i find love to be very healing - it's done wonders for me, so i'd like to pass some along to you.

[numann]

Thanks Sanmagic7 for your advice. Prior to joining the forum, I had read information voraciously, on this board and other sites. But one of the things I"ve found most endearing about this forum, is the validation I"ve gotten from reading about other peoples experiences and shared knowledge. Its comforting if a bit disconcerting, to know that I'm not alone with my struggles.  And I'll never turn down a free hug.

[Blueberry]

Like with san, a lot of my healing in the past year has come here from this forum. There's the validation. Then to me this place feels safe somehow. I can write here without doing self-harm and/or splitting my thoughts from my emotions. Whereas if I write in my diary on paper just for myself I self-harm and have a lot of trouble feeling my emotions and then writing them down.

It took me a good number of years to find a trauma therapist I can work with. e.g. one who doesn't trigger me regularly, whether consciously or through cluelessness. I live in a fairly small city so that doesn't help. There used to be no trauma therapists here, now there are a few. But the therapist I found I can work with is an hour away. I've been going for 2-3 years now and that's been very helpful. Lots of healing there too. I wouldn't want to have to battle away on my own anymore. I used to read about methods but couldn't really implement them until a T helped me modify them a bit to fit myself.

Good luck.

[Gromit]

One even blamed me for allowing myself to be abused! 

Ooh, I had that too!
I was already seeing my most recent T when I found OOTF then Pete Walker's book & this place.
I recently ended with that Tas I managed to get some validation from an assessment with the NHS who put me on a waiting list for CBT. My T Revealed at the end that she hadn't seen a client as long as she had seen me. This may explain why I have felt a bit like it has been coasting for a while.

Funnily enough I mentioned various symptoms of C-PTSD to Ts over the years but it was me that finally linked them together when I found out about these forums. I haven't gone looking for a trauma T yet, well, I looked but didn't find any. I am finding the Pete Walker book more helpful & the forums much more validating. T's have their own theories, the latest one was that I had an attachment disorder, but that doesn't fit well with me. People here don't label me, but they do help me to see more clearly as many of them have been through the same stuff as I have in one way or another. Having names for the things I experience has given me a way to talk about what I experience but I struggle to find professionals that know as much as survivors.