Isolation and hypervigilence

[numann]

One of my coping strategies growing up in my FOO was to find an isolated part of the house like the basement to avoid the abuse which would come out of nowhere unexpectedly at anytime despite my best efforts. In school I learned to just be quiet and stay as anonymous as possible.  I learned to be on constant alert no matter how "safe" things seemed to be because their was no such thing as safe at home or school due to constant bullying.  In my early twenties due to alot of self work I forced myself to take chances and engage in social situations that felt uncomfortable and scary. So much so that people who didn't know me then could never imagine me being shy and submissive.

But lately, due to alot of triggering, I've found myself reverting back to my old, isolationist tendancies due to my increased hypervigilence. I want to reach out to people but my inner critic is constantly searching for critical reactions towards me. The problem is when I notice someone actually being critical of me that one instance will take precedence over all the postive feedback I get from people and I isolate even more. What do I need to do?

[Cookido]

Hi numann! I wanted to say that I relate to your background with bullying and "hiding" both at school and home.

I'm also struggeling with focusing on the positive. I get caught up in analysing what others might think of me that I forget to enjoy myself but also be myself. Usually I try to tell the IC to shut up until I'm able to deal with it later, for example when I'm alone and can write down the thoughts that bothers me.

[numann]

Cookido, does that help you?

[Cookido]

Yes, that can help. At least I'm more focused in the moment and not on the IC. I also find it helpful to deal with thoughts that worries me. I write them down and read them a couple of times till they give less anxiety or feel less bothersome.

Sometimes when I'm feeling very bad I just give in to the IC or don't realise I'm being too hard on myself or having unrealistic/negative thoughts. I think it's quite important to be aware of your IC in order to make progress.

I have yet to figure out how to trust people though. Not trusting others makes it harder to break isolation I think.