Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts

  • 717 Replies
  • 42208 Views
*

Jdog

  • Member
  • 1003
    • View Profile
Re: Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts
« Reply #675 on: June 13, 2019, 09:29:52 AM »
Thatís good thinking, just focusing upon what today has to offer.  The weekend will be here soon enough, friend.

Keep being gentle with yourself. :hug:

*

MoonBeam

  • Member
  • 292
    • View Profile
Re: Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts
« Reply #676 on: June 13, 2019, 07:35:40 PM »
Hi Hope.  Aptly described--the roller coaster of EF's and emotions. A good analogy for me, as I can remind myself that the ride will stop and I will be able to get off. 

It sounds like you are doing such a great job staying with it and allowing things to pass through and noticing how things are different. Really inspirational.

I hope you have a restful weekend ahead and you can have some restorative time and experiences.

Thinking of you and sending a gentle  :hug: .

*

Deep Blue

  • Member
  • 1409
    • View Profile
Re: Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts
« Reply #677 on: June 13, 2019, 11:24:02 PM »
Hey Hope,
I just wanted to send you a little encouragement for getting through the week.  Sometimes we forget that baby steps are important too.

You work so hard all the time emotionally.  Love ya and hope you can relax this weekend  :hug:

*

Hope67

  • Member
  • 2734
    • View Profile
Re: Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts
« Reply #678 on: June 16, 2019, 10:28:34 AM »
 :hug: to everyone - thank you.   :grouphug:
Hope  :)

*

Hope67

  • Member
  • 2734
    • View Profile
Re: Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts
« Reply #679 on: June 17, 2019, 04:31:10 PM »
Journal Entry on 17th June 2019
It's been challenging - this last few days - but I'm doing ok.  I am getting through things, and I feel as if I've come through some EF's and feel reasonably ok.  Yesterday was strange, and as I think back on it, I think I must have distanced myself and protected myself - and removed myself from realising that it was actually F's Day - I had to attend some things that had my partner's family around, and somehow I managed to get through them.  However I noticed that they talked about some things that made me think that they didn't comprehend my own feelings - at all.  It was like they didn't realise that F's Day might be challenging for me - it was like they just didn't think about my feelings at all.  But I am realising that whilst I might tend to consider others' feelings - this means that maybe I'm not having sensible boundaries, and not looking after my own needs and feelings - it's as if I put other people's needs before my own, and then sometimes feel bad that I don't receive the same back - but essentially why would they be sensitive to my feelings - when they are thinking about their own situations - I realise I shouldn't personalise this - and that's a lesson I've considered and will take on board - hopefully.

I am struggling with regard to my work - I am finding it hard to concentrate and do things - but I'm doing my best to be structured and focused.  I am achieving what I need to do, but I am worrying about my performance.  I am wondering if I want to continue with my job - or maybe consider a different path - I have some ideas regarding what I might do, if I didn't do this job - and I think I could be ok.  I am going to consider this - and make a decision.  Part of me feels a bit rash to be considering this - but essentially I think I am not enjoying my work very much, and would like to try to devote my time to something I'll enjoy more.  I've been considering my finances, and I think I could manage - I have savings, and I have a supportive partner - so I have options.

I got in touch with some anger yesterday as well and wrote about it. It felt good to get it out and express it. 

Before I forget, I have noticed another voice or part which has been commenting sometimes, and seems like a very angry part - who is being quite negative towards people in my life, and I have told that part that the people in my life now are not the same as the ones who brought me up - they are kind and they love me - so criticising them isn't appropriate - but I've tried to acknowledge that that part wishes to protect me - and is trying to do that.  But I'm trying to placate her and let her know that it's not necessary now. 

I've been noticing that some days or moments I feel a normal size, and others I am either larger than normal or small - and I guess this is feeling de-personalisation and different feelings.  I am not freaked out about it anymore though, but able to purely notice it, and wonder about it.  I asked my partner if he experiences anything similar, and he did say he knew what I meant, which made me feel very validated - and as if he understood me. 

Hope  :)

*

Deep Blue

  • Member
  • 1409
    • View Profile
Re: Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts
« Reply #680 on: June 17, 2019, 08:33:26 PM »
Just sending you some love and support honey  :hug:

Iím glad your partner is supportive and that you have safer people that care about you in your life now.  Donít forget, many of us care about you too sweetie  :grouphug:

*

SharpAndBlunt

  • Member
  • 440
    • View Profile
Re: Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts
« Reply #681 on: June 18, 2019, 01:44:42 PM »
  :yeahthat: Dear Hope, I'm sending my best wishes your way, too, and wishing you serenity. You're working hard and may you find some time to rest, just for yourself.   :hug:

SaB

*

Hope67

  • Member
  • 2734
    • View Profile
Re: Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts
« Reply #682 on: June 18, 2019, 06:08:24 PM »
Hi Deep Blue, Thank you - especially for remining me that people here care - I know this - I feel it very strongly, and I appreciate it more than anything.   :hug:

Hi SaB, Thank you so much  :hug:

*************
Journal Entry on 18th June 2019
I feel more human today - maybe it's a feeling of being a bit more in control, as I felt quite vulnerable this past few days - but it feels better today.  I had been doubting if I could continue working - and I had been considering other things to do - and I'm still contemplating this, but I feel better about things right at this moment.  Not entirely sure why - maybe it's just better today.  I don't mind though, I am just relieved to feel a bit better. 

I do feel quite tired though - so I'm going to have an early night.  I really want to catch up with how others here are doing, but I am currently feeling a bit like I can only focus on one or two things at any one time, so I'm trying to pace myself. 

Hope  :)

*

MoonBeam

  • Member
  • 292
    • View Profile
Re: Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts
« Reply #683 on: June 18, 2019, 11:38:58 PM »
So glad you are feeling better today.

So good you are listening to your needs and calling it an early night. I'm inspired with your sharing of how you are walking through this Hope. It sounds like its been pretty intense and still you have allowed yourself the space to feel and explore choices that are healthy for you. Really great example of self care!  You are amazing!

 :hug: and Sweet dreams.

*

Hope67

  • Member
  • 2734
    • View Profile
Re: Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts
« Reply #684 on: June 19, 2019, 09:36:57 AM »
Hi MoonBeam,
I appreciate your kind words of support - they mean a lot.   :hug:  Thank you.  I feel as if I am 'finding my way' through things at the moment.  Having the support of this place is invaluable to me, and knowing you are all here - and we can share experiences - it's helping me a lot. 
Hope  :)

*

sanmagic7

  • Member
  • 7258
  • learn something from everything
    • View Profile
Re: Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts
« Reply #685 on: June 19, 2019, 01:09:20 PM »
i echo moonbeam in saying you are amazing, hope.  watching your journey has been fascinating - you continue to do the hard work, continue to walk the walk, as they say.  kudos to you for all that. 

i'm not surprised at you feeling tired.  this stuff can be exhausting.  just so glad you're exercising self-care and resting when you need it. 

earlier you posted about being aware of the feelings of others.  i don't think that's a bad thing at all.  i think it can become negative when we keep doing for others ahead of ourselves on a constant basis, neglecting ourselves in the process.  being aware, to me, just speaks of your kindness and compassion for others.  maybe i'm wrong here and am seeing it differently than you.  i wish i was more like that, actually.  unfortunately, i do the 'doing for others ahead of myself' part still too often, but on a finer scale, i'm not always aware of the feelings of others.  to me, it's 2 different things.

hope your day goes well, hope.  sending love and hugs your way.   :hug: :hug: :hug:

*

Hope67

  • Member
  • 2734
    • View Profile
Re: Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts
« Reply #686 on: June 20, 2019, 05:09:55 PM »
Hi SanMagic - thank you so much, and I think I understand what you're saying about being aware of the feelings of others - it makes sense to me.  Thank you for the love and hugs, and sending them also to you  :hug: :hug:

*******
Journal Entry on 20th June 2019
I'm not entirely sure what I'm feeling at the moment - I almost feel as if I've got an underlying virus - as if I've got a slight flu-like thing - but it's not actually impacting on me too much, except to make me feel a bit under par and a bit yucky.  Or maybe icky is the right word.  I'm not sure.  It's as if my energy is being zapped away somehow - and I'm not sure what is taking it.  But Sanmagic spoke of how exhausting all this stuff can be, and I agree with that - maybe that is why I feel a bit drained.  I had an early night the other night.  Maybe I should try to do that more - but I find it quite hard to discipline myself to go to bed earlier, as I end up enjoying whatever TV programme I am watching - even though I find it quite hard to stay focused on whatever it is - as I still dissociate off and get caught up in other things.

I realise I am still in this Journal, when I meant to have started a new one for June - so now my plan is that I will definitely start a new one for July.  A fresh journal for a fresh month.

Hope  :)

*

sanmagic7

  • Member
  • 7258
  • learn something from everything
    • View Profile
Re: Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts
« Reply #687 on: June 21, 2019, 04:05:35 AM »
hey, hope,

i've also had exactly what you're describing after a stressful bout of whatever - feels like the flu is coming on, lethargic, lack of energy, and feeling crappy.  i've heard it described as stress flu.  it happens to me a lot, and has for a long time, but i was glad to find out that there's a name for it, and that it's a real thing.  for me, a lot of the discomfort is due to inflammation kicking up, so taking ibuprofen helps me feel better.  honestly, i've been taking ibuprofen for this, what i call my stress sickness, for over 30 yrs.   resting as much as possible till my energy comes back, even if it's watching junk tv, stuff where i don't have to think much, helps keep me entertained while not stressing me out even more.

i hope you feel better soon, and also have patience w/ yourself.  it may take a bit of time, but it will get better, you'll feel better.  it's become a barometer for me to know when i'm over-stressed, cuz sometimes i don't even realize that i've been doing too much.  take it easy, take care of yourself as best you can, ok?  love you, sweetie.   :hug:

*

MoonBeam

  • Member
  • 292
    • View Profile
Re: Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts
« Reply #688 on: June 21, 2019, 04:26:28 AM »
Hey there Hope. I don't know if it's the same, but after my latest dive into the depths of deep emotion and/or EF, the next day after kind of coming out of it, i felt like I had been run over by a truck. That sounds harsh, but I was in a place of needing to recover physically as well as emotionally.  The good thing is that I could see it was from the intensity of the journey and I was able to rest and not give myself a hard time because of it.  "stress flue" makes perfect sense.

Sending love and a :hug: if that's ok. Hoping you find some time to rest and continue to allow yourself to heal.

*

Blueberry

  • Member
  • 7211
  • 'Should' is never good for me.
    • View Profile
Re: Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts
« Reply #689 on: June 21, 2019, 10:12:52 AM »
i've also had exactly what you're describing after a stressful bout of whatever - feels like the flu is coming on, lethargic, lack of energy, and feeling crappy.  i've heard it described as stress flu.   

I know this phenomenon super-well too and am interested to hear that it has a name and that others on here get it too. The body and soul demand a break, a rest. And if I don't take a break of my own accord early enough, I get sick. I often used to have a lot of trouble knowning if I was sick or not, so do I call in sick or not? Or these days do I take it easy or not?

I hope you take it easy, Hope, because you've been working really hard recently.  :hug: :hug: