Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts

[Hope67]

Hi SanMagic, MoonBeam & Blueberry - thank you all so much - your replies are so validating to my experience, and I value every word you've said.  Thank you 

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Journal Entry on 22nd June 2019
I've decided on a plan, and this is it.  I am going to take a break from the internet for the remainder of June - and also from doing self-help reading too - and I am going to concentrate on being true to my feelings and considering my thoughts during this time.  I will hope to then start afresh in July - and will hope to start a new Journal here - in early July. 

I feel positive about this plan, and I hope to read some nice books - ones that will comfort younger parts of me, and interest older parts of me.  Then, having that time to nurture and rest myself - I can hopefully then decide what I would like to focus on - in July - with regards to my journey forwards. 

So I will be back, in early July - and I will look forward to that.  But in the meantime, I am looking forward to time away from the internet, as much as I can - and channelling my focus onto things that are calming and nurturing.

That's the plan.

Hope 

[Blueberry]

I wish you a calming and nurturing time!   

[Hope67]

Thank you Blueberry.   
Hope 

[Hope67]

I don't feel able to put into words what my feelings are right now.  So I will hope to come back and write something when I can.  I've been away for a bit, taking a break from technology (as much as I could), and that was good for me.  No reading of self-help books either - quite a change for me.  I think parts of me are resisting sharing my feelings just now - and maybe it's due to me being away from here for a while - I don't know. 

I feel some guilt about opening up and maybe that is what is affecting me.  But I value the fact I have been able to open up and share things here.  It has helped me so much. 

I have some stressful situations to go through this weekend and I am wishing I could get out of them, but I don't feel I can. 

I hope to write more - when I can allow myself to communicate a bit more. 

Hope 

[Jdog]

Hope, here's to making it through whatever stressful situations you encounter over the weekend.  You have a few days to plan ways to survive these situations, and I hope that you will remember your excellent coping techniques.   

[Tee]

I stand with you through your stressful weekend.  Stay strong and take care of yourself.

[Three Roses]

 

[Not Alone]

I also have experienced some parts wanting to share and others who are resistant to telling. It is difficult.
I hope your stressful situations are less difficult then you are anticipating. Even though hard, you have good skills to to get through. 

[MoonBeam]

Thinking of you Hope. 

[SharpAndBlunt]

Hi Hope, I get guilt from opening up too, and a sense of impending recrimination. The good news is it tends to pass after a while and I'm learning to look on it as a healing, realising I won't be punished for speaking up any longer.

I hope that your guilt passes too, and that you find navigating this weekend to be easier than you anticipated.

[Deep Blue]

Oh Hope,
Do you think it's a younger part of you that feels guilty for opening up? This is a safe place, please tell the little you that, and give her a  from me

[sanmagic7]

hey, hope, welcome back.  you were missed.

you can take your time, share what you want when you're ready.  we'll still be here.  it's ok to feel however you feel, you know.

i'm just glad that a lot of your absence was good for you.  it's helpful for me, too, to take those breaks every so often.

sending love and gentle hugs, sweetie.   

[Hope67]

Dear Jdog, Tee, Three Roses, notalone, MoonBeam, SharpandBlunt, Deep Blue and SanMagic,
Thank you all so much for everything you said.  Your words helped me to feel stronger - and also helped me to get through the events that had been stressing me over the weekend.  I found the reminder that I do have some coping strategies to be so helpful.  Your support is so amazing, and I am so heartened by your presence in my life.  Thank you so much.   

Journal Entry on 9th July 2019
The events of the weekend were stressful, but I got through them, and they weren't as bad as I anticipated they would be.  Trying to remind myself that I have some coping strategies - thanks to the kind and supportive words of people here, it was so validating and helped me feel stronger.

Also, the fact was that the people I was meeting up with - they were actually quite self-absorbed in their own stuff and therefore didn't ask me any personal questions at all, and therefore I didn't need to fend off or deal with anything difficult.  I think it was the anticipation of it all that was the worst thing, and many parts of me were very reluctant to attend, and wanted to sabotage it and stop me going altogether, but I told those parts that I couldn't not go, because my partner would be affected by that, and it wasn't fair to do that to him.  I needed to go for his sake, and I did.  They did listen to me, and I was able to function and cope, and I am so grateful for the fact that I did face it - and that all parts of me managed to get through it ok.  The first event was harder than the second, but having another event to attend meant I couldn't relax until it was over.  I coped with that too.  Better than I thought I would.  I am so relieved now that both things are over.

I have been in an EF for part of this morning, due to something else entirely - but I am thankful that I seem to be out of that now.

My partner is coming back, so I need to go.

Hope 

[Tee]

Glad you were able to make it through your are stronger than you know!

[Not Alone]

Glad you are through the difficult events of the weekend and that your EF from this morning is over.