Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts

Started by Hope67, May 12, 2018, 06:46:09 PM

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Hope67

Hi Deep Blue - thank you - I am being kind to myself - I had a warm bath, and I went to bed, and slept a little - I've woken up, and my partner has texted me to say he's on his way home - so I'm happy!  I'll be seeing him soon.  Later tonight.  I am very happy!

Hi Three Roses - yes, John Bradshaw is great isn't he.  I've read a couple of his books, and have found them really helpful, and now I've discovered his U-tube videos, I hope to watch more - but it was a powerful exercise with the audience, and I am pacing myself.  I feel sure that's why I had my dream last night - as a result of processing things over the weekend.  I'm glad to hear that John Bradshaw also helped you, when you were a young Mum. 

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I am feeling better - I had a bit of a sleep, and I've put my over-eating behind me now - I did it, and it could have been worse.  Thankfully I didn't have too many bad things at home to eat my way through - I am relieved about that. 

Hope  :)

Jdog

I'm seconding Deep Blue's comments about not beating yourself up.  I struggle with overeating as well and it's only when I can be a friend to myself and not so harsh that I am able to take a deep breath and see it for what it is:  merely a coping mechanism.  You have managed to cope with some triggering thoughts and emotions.  You are safe now. 

Hope67

 :hug: to you Jdog, thank you. 
Hope  :)

Hope67

Journal Entry on 14th May 2019
I feel as if I'm getting into contact with yet another part of myself - one that I've not felt contact with previously - it's difficult to know much about her, as I can't even think about how old she is - the sense I have of her is she might be between 8 and 10 years old.  But I'm not really sure.  I've only had flashes of 'senses' and 'feelings' and slight visions of what she wants to communicate to me - I think it's related to when I overate quite a lot on the weekend, and something about that has awoken this part of me.  I'm not sure though.  But I am trying to tread carefully and just welcome any flashes that come to me.  Trying to make sense of them, and letting them just happen.

I shared the information that I had learned from the Social Work file notes with a couple of my friends, and heard back from one of them - and she gave me some very insightful reactions to it, that were very helpful to me.  I've not heard back from the other friend yet - I wrote to them both - they don't live close to me.  But I trust them, and it feels ok to have shared this. 

I've been better regarding my eating - I'm not craving bad stuff anymore, and having my partner around is helping me to eat better.

I gave up on trying to read 'The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe' and took it back to the library.  I don't know what it was, I couldn't settle to enjoy it, and somehow there is something disturbing to me about creatures that are animals that talk etc, and I suspect that's what it is - the ones that talk and wear clothes - I still find that disturbing somehow.   

For some reason my mind has gone blank now, so I'll stop writing.
Hope  :)

Not Alone

Sending care, knowing that another part making herself known is a tender, vulnerable time.  :hug:

Hope67

Hi BeHea1thy & Notalone - thank you both so much.  It means a lot to read your comments, and I find you very supportive.  I really appreciate it.   :hug: :hug:

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Journal Entry on 19th May 2019
I have wanted to write something in my journal, but it has felt over-whelming.  I have such a lot going on in my head - and I've been bingeing again, and feel bad about that.  It's as if I'm out of control - and of course, that frightens so many parts of me.  But I have been doing quite a bit of processing too - at different levels.  I feel like I'm making some realizations, and it hurts to see some of those.  Hence the overwhelming feelings.  My partner is away again, so I am discovering how difficult I find it to cope when he's not around.  But he'll be back again soon.  I've learned quite a lot about myself this past few days - and I hope to be able to write more about it - but right now - I can't write more.
Hope  :)

Three Roses


Not Alone


Deep Blue

Hey Hope,
I find it difficult when my husband is away too.  I even found it difficult when he didn't know I had trauma in my history... granted that's new as of this past week but yes, it is difficult.

I'm grateful for this place because at least I have you all when he's gone now
We are here for you too honey
  :grouphug:

Blueberry

 :grouphug: Hope. We are here for you.

I often feel overwhelmed and/or as if I've been thrown back a bit in my healing when I've been processing a lot.

Jdog

Hope,

Like Deep Blue, I also have trouble coping when my spouse is away.  We are definitely here for you, an online family ready to embrace you.  Be gentle with all of your selves during this time. :grouphug:

SharpAndBlunt


Hope67

Thank you so much everyone for your supportive and wonderful replies - I read them all and felt comforted by them.   :grouphug:

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Journal Entry on 23rd May 2019
I have found the last few days quite challenging in many ways - and I've felt like I've 're-surfaced' from a heap of EF's - and somehow found a more adult side of myself just now - I don't know how long that will last, but it's an interesting feeling. 

As I write this, I feel as if there's a 'bubbly' part of myself that wants to portray how things are going ok.  But that is a surface thing, because actually it's been horrible on occasions and for vast chunks of time, and I felt as if I'd got lost in a cavern of experiences that I found difficult to cope with.  But I have coped and I'm still going - and I think I feel stronger for it.

Soon there will be a long weekend, as there's a Bank holiday on Monday - so I am looking forward to that. 

I would like to write about some realizations I've had - but I need to keep myself together for today - as I have some commitments I need to get through, so maybe on the weekend, when I have more time, I can hopefully write about them, as I really want to get some clarity and maybe process things more in my Journal.  I'm also keen to start my newest Journal - and so having the end of May to complete this one, and maybe start the new on on 1st June - that sounds like a good demarcation.

I'm aware that my inner critics are being quite negative to me as I'm writing this - but I'm going to ignore them just now.

Hope  :)

MoonBeam

Hi Hope.
Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and it sounds like you've been working through some hard things. I really appreciated the thought you shared that on the other side of your recent EF's and all you've been walking through, you are feeling a more adult side of yourself stepping forward. I see her as powerful, brave, compassionate and strong.

I hope your weekend is restful.  :hug: if that's ok.

MoonBeam


Jdog

I second that!  Ignore the negative voices!