Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts

  • 750 Replies
  • 18167 Views
*

Hope67

  • Member
  • 1657
    • View Profile
Re: Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts
« Reply #660 on: May 12, 2019, 06:56:19 PM »
Hi Deep Blue - thank you - I am being kind to myself - I had a warm bath, and I went to bed, and slept a little - I've woken up, and my partner has texted me to say he's on his way home - so I'm happy!  I'll be seeing him soon.  Later tonight.  I am very happy!

Hi Three Roses - yes, John Bradshaw is great isn't he.  I've read a couple of his books, and have found them really helpful, and now I've discovered his U-tube videos, I hope to watch more - but it was a powerful exercise with the audience, and I am pacing myself.  I feel sure that's why I had my dream last night - as a result of processing things over the weekend.  I'm glad to hear that John Bradshaw also helped you, when you were a young Mum. 

**********
I am feeling better - I had a bit of a sleep, and I've put my over-eating behind me now - I did it, and it could have been worse.  Thankfully I didn't have too many bad things at home to eat my way through - I am relieved about that. 

Hope  :)

*

Jdog

  • Member
  • 975
    • View Profile
Re: Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts
« Reply #661 on: May 13, 2019, 04:09:38 AM »
Iím seconding Deep Blueís comments about not beating yourself up.  I struggle with overeating as well and itís only when I can be a friend to myself and not so harsh that I am able to take a deep breath and see it for what it is:  merely a coping mechanism.  You have managed to cope with some triggering thoughts and emotions.  You are safe now. 

*

Hope67

  • Member
  • 1657
    • View Profile
Re: Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts
« Reply #662 on: May 14, 2019, 01:47:26 PM »
 :hug: to you Jdog, thank you. 
Hope  :)

*

Hope67

  • Member
  • 1657
    • View Profile
Re: Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts
« Reply #663 on: May 14, 2019, 05:22:35 PM »
Journal Entry on 14th May 2019
I feel as if I'm getting into contact with yet another part of myself - one that I've not felt contact with previously - it's difficult to know much about her, as I can't even think about how old she is - the sense I have of her is she might be between 8 and 10 years old.  But I'm not really sure.  I've only had flashes of 'senses' and 'feelings' and slight visions of what she wants to communicate to me - I think it's related to when I overate quite a lot on the weekend, and something about that has awoken this part of me.  I'm not sure though.  But I am trying to tread carefully and just welcome any flashes that come to me.  Trying to make sense of them, and letting them just happen.

I shared the information that I had learned from the Social Work file notes with a couple of my friends, and heard back from one of them - and she gave me some very insightful reactions to it, that were very helpful to me.  I've not heard back from the other friend yet - I wrote to them both - they don't live close to me.  But I trust them, and it feels ok to have shared this. 

I've been better regarding my eating - I'm not craving bad stuff anymore, and having my partner around is helping me to eat better.

I gave up on trying to read 'The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe' and took it back to the library.  I don't know what it was, I couldn't settle to enjoy it, and somehow there is something disturbing to me about creatures that are animals that talk etc, and I suspect that's what it is - the ones that talk and wear clothes - I still find that disturbing somehow.   

For some reason my mind has gone blank now, so I'll stop writing.
Hope  :)

*

BeHea1thy

  • Member
  • 699
    • View Profile
Re: Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts
« Reply #664 on: May 16, 2019, 12:33:33 AM »
Hello Hope,

I  see it's been over a week since your last post, so I trust this might still be relevant. The idea of writing something down, whether a letter or some musing about your newfound information from the Social Work agency is valuable and think when you feel up to it, might be really useful for consolidating and coming up with specific language to order your feelings and thoughts. Kind of like the "empty chair" technique used in therapy. True, the person who was the worker is likely to be elderly or deceased now. The benefit is for you to figure out and name the feelings.

The most important idea that pops up is about you being really compassionate and allow your adult self as much time as necessary to feel and grieve without the burden of judgment about "letting down" your younger selves. Once that's contained, and you feel strong enough, you can choose how to share it and the best method for providing comfort to other parts.

I hope this makes some sense.  :hug: As always, stay the course and keep going. You're doing a lot of great work.

*

notalone

  • Member
  • 627
    • View Profile
Re: Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts
« Reply #665 on: May 16, 2019, 02:31:54 AM »
Sending care, knowing that another part making herself known is a tender, vulnerable time.  :hug:

*

Hope67

  • Member
  • 1657
    • View Profile
Re: Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts
« Reply #666 on: May 19, 2019, 01:56:28 PM »
Hi BeHea1thy & Notalone - thank you both so much.  It means a lot to read your comments, and I find you very supportive.  I really appreciate it.   :hug: :hug:

***********
Journal Entry on 19th May 2019
I have wanted to write something in my journal, but it has felt over-whelming.  I have such a lot going on in my head - and I've been bingeing again, and feel bad about that.  It's as if I'm out of control - and of course, that frightens so many parts of me.  But I have been doing quite a bit of processing too - at different levels.  I feel like I'm making some realizations, and it hurts to see some of those.  Hence the overwhelming feelings.  My partner is away again, so I am discovering how difficult I find it to cope when he's not around.  But he'll be back again soon.  I've learned quite a lot about myself this past few days - and I hope to be able to write more about it - but right now - I can't write more.
Hope  :)

*

Three Roses

  • Member
  • 2595
  • CPTSD is an injury, not an illness.
    • View Profile
Re: Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts
« Reply #667 on: May 19, 2019, 02:40:17 PM »
 :hug: we'll be here :yes:

*

notalone

  • Member
  • 627
    • View Profile
Re: Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts
« Reply #668 on: May 19, 2019, 03:21:58 PM »
 :hug: Sending care to you.

*

Deep Blue

  • Member
  • 1269
    • View Profile
Re: Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts
« Reply #669 on: May 19, 2019, 03:33:32 PM »
Hey Hope,
I find it difficult when my husband is away too.  I even found it difficult when he didnít know I had trauma in my history... granted thatís new as of this past week but yes, it is difficult.

Iím grateful for this place because at least I have you all when heís gone now
We are here for you too honey
  :grouphug:

*

Blueberry

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • 5470
    • View Profile
Re: Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts
« Reply #670 on: May 19, 2019, 08:08:23 PM »
 :grouphug: Hope. We are here for you.

I often feel overwhelmed and/or as if I've been thrown back a bit in my healing when I've been processing a lot.

*

Jdog

  • Member
  • 975
    • View Profile
Re: Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts
« Reply #671 on: May 20, 2019, 01:40:49 AM »
Hope,

Like Deep Blue, I also have trouble coping when my spouse is away.  We are definitely here for you, an online family ready to embrace you.  Be gentle with all of your selves during this time. :grouphug:

*

SharpAndBlunt

  • Member
  • 272
    • View Profile
Re: Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts
« Reply #672 on: May 20, 2019, 04:56:38 AM »
 :hug: to you Hope

SaB

*

Hope67

  • Member
  • 1657
    • View Profile
Re: Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts
« Reply #673 on: May 23, 2019, 02:52:57 PM »
Thank you so much everyone for your supportive and wonderful replies - I read them all and felt comforted by them.   :grouphug:

**********
Journal Entry on 23rd May 2019
I have found the last few days quite challenging in many ways - and I've felt like I've 're-surfaced' from a heap of EF's - and somehow found a more adult side of myself just now - I don't know how long that will last, but it's an interesting feeling. 

As I write this, I feel as if there's a 'bubbly' part of myself that wants to portray how things are going ok.  But that is a surface thing, because actually it's been horrible on occasions and for vast chunks of time, and I felt as if I'd got lost in a cavern of experiences that I found difficult to cope with.  But I have coped and I'm still going - and I think I feel stronger for it.

Soon there will be a long weekend, as there's a Bank holiday on Monday - so I am looking forward to that. 

I would like to write about some realizations I've had - but I need to keep myself together for today - as I have some commitments I need to get through, so maybe on the weekend, when I have more time, I can hopefully write about them, as I really want to get some clarity and maybe process things more in my Journal.  I'm also keen to start my newest Journal - and so having the end of May to complete this one, and maybe start the new on on 1st June - that sounds like a good demarcation.

I'm aware that my inner critics are being quite negative to me as I'm writing this - but I'm going to ignore them just now.

Hope  :)

*

BeHea1thy

  • Member
  • 699
    • View Profile
Re: Hope's Journal: Befriending My Parts
« Reply #674 on: May 23, 2019, 03:54:13 PM »
Excellent choice!  :hug:
Quote
I'm aware that my inner critics are being quite negative to me as I'm writing this - but I'm going to ignore them just now.