I don't feel so alone anymore.

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DecimalRocket

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I don't feel so alone anymore.
« on: May 19, 2018, 06:56:37 AM »
A part of me is still anxious and afraid of not being accepted, but for some reason, I don't have the same pangs of loneliness anymore.

What got better? My emotions of connection towards others aren't dissociated in fear of being hurt anymore. I'm willing to speak up for my own boundaries now, especially in regards to needing to be alone and resting. I also can avoid the other extreme of taking my anger out on others because I haven't asked for my boundaries sooner.

 I trust opening up to ask for help more -- whether in intellectual or emotional problems. I've gotten better at conversation skills and can think a lot more on my feet to adapt to different topics. I thought I'd relate to no one, but if I look closer, I can find more areas to relate with. My empathy catches up with my logical thinking, so my words aren't as blunt.

My curiosity winds up as a strength that I'm easily fascinated by different people's different interests, beliefs, and motives to ask questions. My sense of wonder has become a unique signature charm, even if I can be a little slow in forming my ideas, but I can call that being thoughtful, right?  :whistling:

I still get nervous and leave too soon or say too little, as well as other people's body language doesn't always full make sense to me. I'm still on the spectrum and will probably have a couple quirks or clumsiness all my life, but it won't be a dealbreaker for deep connection.

I'm not exactly joyful, really. But I'm not disappointed, and more fully relaxed.
« Last Edit: May 19, 2018, 08:12:43 AM by DecimalRocket »

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Deep Blue

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Re: I don't feel so alone anymore.
« Reply #1 on: May 19, 2018, 12:33:16 PM »
Hey DR,
This is such a thoughtful post. I think when things are going well we often forget to take a breath and enjoy it.

Good for you to take the time to notice what changed to make you feel better.  I feel that is a huge step in noting your own progress.
 :bigwink:

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artemis23

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Re: I don't feel so alone anymore.
« Reply #2 on: May 21, 2018, 03:26:16 AM »
Rocket!  :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: YAY

That's some amazing progress. I really relate to what you said, I'm feeling a similar way towards others now. Slowly entering the world again. And also, dropping that feeling of obligation to put up with people I'm not comfortable around, or to be alone as much as I want. And the feeling of a sort of peace and relaxation is really delicious. Joy is nice but it wouldn't be as nice if we felt it all the time, anyways. It's actually kind of tiring because it's an extreme emotion, just like the ones on the other end of the spectrum, important in balance. I get the feeling of less disappointment too, thanks for articulating this. I was so caught up in being disappointed by people, or myself, really think I let go of a lot unrealistic expectations and it opened that up. Self acceptance and more ability to just realize people will do what they do and it may or may not affect me but it's not my fault, anyways. Thanks for sharing I'ms o happy for you.
« Last Edit: May 21, 2018, 03:28:57 AM by artemis23 »