The Trouble with Alex by Melanie Allen

[Hope67]

I just wanted to write a few notes here from this book, as I related to them:
In Chapter 13 of this book, the adopted parent takes Alex (her adopted child) to see a Child Psychologist, and he says this:

Quoting from book: He talked about Alex's desperate need to be in control in a world where once she'd had no control.  Her life would have been very scary, he explained, and she had been helpless to change this.

He described how fear would drive the anger that followed all attempts we might make to take back the control.  He talked about the mountain of trust that Alex would need to build before she was comfortable with relinquishing control to us, and told us that most children had confidence in their parents' decision-making because they had been shown a million times that their parents knew best.  In Alex's case, she'd been shown the very opposite.

He went on to say "Would you hand over control to your world to someone who didn't understand it?"

In particular, I found this paragraph really helpful - as I'm trying to work on Befriending my wounded inner parts - and I think it's very pertinent to that...

The psychologist said "It isn't a pretty world," he said, "and before letting you in, Alex will require total confidence that, firstly, you can cope with what you find there, and secondly, you will know what to do with it."  He also explained that hiding her true feelings was keeping those emotions safe from assault.  "Children like Alex have had their emotions abused too often, and therefore build a protective shell around themselves.  Any 'unauthorized' attempts to penetrate their defences are fought tooth and nail. 

He went on to mention "The Primal Wound" and recommended that she read (the adoptive parent) read it.

Anyway, I really relate to what he said - and I wanted to share it.  I feel that pacing work around discovering my inner wounded parts - it needs to be done at a pace that feels safe, and my need to be 'in control' is something I can comprehend better by what he said in this book.

I do relate to the experiences of the girl (Alex) and Little Hope is keen to learn from the Child Psychologist, and is also keen to see how the adoptive mother copes with these things in the book. 

Hope 

[Hope67]

Just to say I finished this book.  I found it a bit frustrating in the end, but only because the professionals and support workers who were supposed to be working on Alex's care seemed to be so disparate and uncoordinated in their approaches, and because things were described so differently from person to person.  I was glad I read the book, but I didn't really feel that I could entirely relate to the situation in the end, and of course, that's because every person is different. 

Hope