Job interview v treatment

[Snookiebookie]

Hi all

Just wanting advice/opinions.

I have a job interview this week.  To put things into perspective the industry I work in is very small, with approximately 10 firms in the local area.  I also work part time and need to earn what I earn.  So to find a job at an alternative firm, with the right hours, and right pay is lucky. 

My current employer has been dreadful, but in the last 12 months they've tolerated my anxiety and even paid £300 towards treatment.  But I'm still very unhappy there.

I've been on the NHS waiting list to see the psychology team for over 7 months. The assessment will take place over 3 weekly appointments.  The first one is next week but it's during working hours and my current employer is allowing me to take time off (and I won't have to make the time up)

If I was lucky enough to get the job, I will feel conflicted. I don't intend to discuss my anxiety at the interview (unless specifically asked).  If I hand my notice in, I'm scared that my current employer will become awkward about allowing me time off for my psych appointment  What do I do if I am recommended treatment, I may need to tell my new employer.

I'm not sure what the psychology team can recommend.  They've already said that I won't be offered CBT or counselling.  What else can they offer on the NHS?  EMDR? DBT?  Something else? 

One of the main reasons I'd like to see it through with the psychology team is in the hope of getting some diagnosis.

It'll be difficult to rearrange the appointment too - they offer you a slot and that's your slot.  If you don't turn up, you're of of the list. If you miss an appointment, whether you tell them or not, that counts towards your total number of appointments.  So they're quite strict.

I'm also worrying that I'll be rubbish at the new job...etc.

I'm really unsure what to do. 

I think I'll go to the interview. See how that goes.  Then hopefully be able to hold off any decision until I've had my first appointment with the psychology team.

[Rainagain]

I think your plan is sound.

If you have been with your current firm for a year(?) I think you are a protected employee with rights you won't have with the new firm for a further year(?).

So, you have security where you are you will be giving up.

The other thing is disability, your current employer may need to start thinking of you as disabled under the equality act, I.e. making adjustments for you which might make your current job more attractive.

Just a thought, I used to be a union rep so tend to think along those lines.

[Snookiebookie]

Hi

Thanks for your reply. 

I had a terrible interview 

....but I got the job.  It's more repetitive but same salary and same hours.  However there will be 3 days less annual leave. That's really bummed me out.

I've been thinking all day how my current employer will react  if I decide to leave.  I also started to think about what I am loosing.

It's familiar.   There's a lot of variety, which I really like. But it's some times scary and lots of times frustrating!   

They are really really considerate over my mental health issues (well this is a recent thing).   I know how flexible I can be there, what I can get away with.  I also usually can take annual leave at very short notice when my mental health is suffering.  (I never take sick leave for mental health issues). I'm really conflicted. Arrgh

Any thoughts?

[Sceal]

Hi!
When I'm facing a big desicion like this I do a pro/con list.

First list is pro/con for leaving the current job and taking the new one
Then the second list is pro/con staying in the current job and declining the second one

This sometimes gives me a bit more perspective when I see it all out on the paper. Every small little thing matters too.
It is a desicion only you can make, but I'm hoping this tool can help you figure out what's the best step for you!
Also, if you're not 100% certain of what's making you dislike you're current job - I'd advice to try and figure out what it is that bothers you, and whether there can be any measures taken to alleviate that?

Best of luck with this!

[Rainagain]

Sceal's idea is good.

The new job sounds worse than your current one really, is it nearer home?

How dreadful are your current employers? Might be worth thinking if things can be fixed to suit you where you are?

I'm hopeless with decisions, that is part of cptsd.

[Snookiebookie]

Hi all

I decided to simply speak to my current employer.  Not actually hand in my notice, just speak with them.

I had visions of them being concerned about keeping me, and keeping me happy. They were quite non plussed.

My reasons for leaving are: I've not had a payrise for 7 years, and this is despite changing roles twice in that time. In my current role I've taken on more and more work and responsibilities.  I'm very flexible and happy to help out anywhere.  I've been told that in the last 18 months I've really stepped up, and that I was an even better worker than ever.

I understand that you cannot guarantee a payrise (the economic climate being what it is).  However. In the last five years one colleague has had two big rises, another had had a big rise and I've heard about two others that have had small rises. But I'm simply told that's none of my business.

I was promised a rise, about four and a half years ago but never in writing.  They kept putting me off though, saying that they'd get around to sorting it out. In the end I saw evidence of someone else getting a rise.  I asked about my rise again, to be told the business was broke and no-one was getting anything. When I said I this wasn't true (without mentioning names) they became aggressive and said that I would be spoken to in a meeting. I saw this as a threat.  So I went sick and lodged a complaint.

The outcome of the complaint was that I'd misunderstood what was said to me about a payrise. But it did address issues of having to work two roles at once, and said I should have a job description. It also said that they should get an occupational health person in, due to my increasing anxiety issues.

I had no option but to return to work, and came back in my current role. There was no job description and occupational health never happened. I also requested that we have regular reviews and appraisals. The reviews happened only once, and it took three years to have the appraisal, but I never received any paperwork following it.

My main issue is that my role has grown in the last four years but I don't have a job description and therefore no evidence at my progress and successes.  When I spoke to my employer yesterday they said that this is something they intend to sort out shortly. But previous experience has shown me that plans often get put on hold or never come to fruition. In fact about two and half year ago they decided they'd sort everyone's job descriptions out, we all prepared our versions. These were to be used to draft the final version. Nothing happened, it was just left hanging.

I felt very upset yesterday, as I felt they were saying that I was being unreasonable, that I was making mountains out of molehills. I got a physical pain in my abdomen that was emotional in origin (does that make sense?).  It made me feel how I did four years ago. It brought back all that emotional pain. And for that reason I decided I must go.

I've spoken to my prospective new employer and they've increased my holidays to match my current entitlement. So that had solved that issue. I'm just waiting for confirmation of a couple of things and I've I have that I will hand in my notice.

[Sceal]

That sounds like an unpredictable work environment that's not healthy. The leadership promising things and never following through is never a sign of good leadership.

And yes the feeling in your stomach being emotional in its origin is perfectly understandable.

I hope that your new employer will hold what they promise. And that you will be happier there.
I hope it feels like a weight of your shoulders now that you have made up your mind.
I also want to tell you that you are brave to have been talking to your current employer.

[Blueberry]

Sounds like gaslighting at your current job. Crazy-making anyway, just keep putting you off, just keep putting the pay rise and other things off. For 4 and a half years (!). I'd be at the end of my tether too.

"physical pain, emotional in origin" makes perfect sense to me. I used to get that a lot, still do sometimes. It's called psychosomatic pain and it's real!

It sounds as if you know what you're going to do now.  on figuring it out so soon! Also  on having the courage to speak to new place about annual leave in  such a way that they increased it. Way to go!!

[Snookiebookie]

Hi

Thanks for the replies. And thanks for the validation. And thanks too for the compliments about being brave.

On Monday I will have my first appointment with the psychology team via the NHS. I was worried that if they offered me any treatment that I'd not be able to take it because of my new job.  However, I will discuss this with them on Monday. It maybe that I will be able to wait until I can arrange an afternoon appointment (I only work part time hours). But even so. I am feeling much more positive now.

My current employer has caused most of my anxiety. My relationship with people and the world sure has worsened in the last five or six years, mainly due to shoddy or unfair treatment and a lack of validation.

My new employer has confirmed all their promises in writing, so I am certain that they will deliver. Although I'm aware that there are likely to be difficult times there - that just part of life.

I'd never thought of work as 'gaslighting', but they certainly were using my anxiety against me.  My mum kinda gaslighted me in the same way, using my natural doubts about myself against me.  Aren't people awful? And manipulative?

I'm aware a big part of recovery is finding 'safety". By leaving such a toxic environment. I'm hoping that I will improve (in leaps and bounds).

[Eyessoblue]

Hi, I just wanted to say I'm seeing the mental health team through the nhs and they started me with Cbt then emdr I know you said that they won't offer you Cbt or counselling so I guess you will go straight into emdr. Don't be surprised if once you're assessed you'll end Up on a waiting list for it. You're entitled to up to 12 sessions then after that they decide what to do with you, in my case I was offered 12 weeks psychotherapy but only got 6 as  the therapist went on holiday and was then Off sick and they don't make up missed appointments for you!! I'm now on another waiting list after being told I'd hear within 3 weeks it's now been 9 and I'm still waiting. It's all frustrating. If you are fortunate enough to be able to pay for a private therapist who does emdr then I suggest you do and deeply regret  that I didn't  the waiting is unbearable and makes my anxiety a hundred times worse.

[Snookiebookie]

Hi

I'm sorry to hear that your experiences with the psych team wasn't good. But with the NHS it doesn't surprise me. They're overstretched and deeply underfunded.

I think you're right. Or at least I hope you are. I'm hoping for EMDR.  I had four sessions years ago (privately funded) and it really helped with issues from childhood.

I also expect there to be an astoundingly long waiting list.  I did think about paying privately, but my previous EMDR therapist isn't working now. I looked into finding another one - but not many to choose from and one was charging £80 a session!!!

The other option could be DBT (due to one of my main symptoms being emotional dysregulation). But I've previously been told I'd need to be classed "at risk" i.e. self harm, losing job etc. As on the surface I'm pretty well balanced I wouldn't meet that criteria.

[Rainagain]

Wow,
I am quite shocked that you have taken on more duties yet haven't had a pay rise in 7 years, they have taken advantage of you, leaving is the best thing to do.

If they were nonplussed by you tackling them its possibly because they habitually treat you poorly.

Well done for speaking up, I hope your new employers are more reasonable.

[Blueberry]

If they were nonplussed by you tackling them its possibly because they habitually treat you poorly.

Yeah, so they got a big surprise and shock that you stood up for yourself  Well done you!